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My cutting story

Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I am a cutter. This is my story. Middle school has not been very fun for me. I've never been popular or even normal; i've always been kind of an outcast. I've had very few friends and at some points none; sitting alone at lunch has become a routine for me by now. It's average and i expect it. People used to make fun of me or yell at me or write stuff about me online. It really hurt. A lot of people think I am gay. It's not true but no one believes me. At the end of 6th grade, I cut for the first time. After  that first time I knew i had to do it again to be happy. Throughout 7th grade, I would do it occasionally but only when things got really tough. My life at home during 7th grade wasn't the happiest either. My grandmother who lives up the street started dating this guy which tore apart my whole family, especially my mom. She would cry a lot. Some nights she would go out and get in her car and go for a drive or just sit there. I felt really alone. I rarely see my dad because he works a lot so I felt really alone. I have a sister who is 18 but she was always out with friends or doing homework. I never felt i had anyone to talk to. By eighth grade, I became addicted to cutting myself. I would write words into myself, like ugly, fat, gay, kill me, help, love me. Whatever I was thinking I would carve into my body with a razor blade. I went through all this in silence for 2 years. One day, it became too much for me to handle, so I tried to kill myself. I went to my parents medicine cabinet. Read more »


Blog entry published by Anonymous (not verified) 4 days ago ()

An intro to me, I guess...

hi, my name's rebecca.

I can't exactly remember how long ago i started to self harm, but it hasn't been that long. I know i've been depressed for a long time though. I constantly feel like there's some kind of mental block in my brain, and nobody else seems to get it.

I'm in Year 10 at a school outside of Bedford. I'm predicted As and Bs, but never seem to hit my target, and everyone always seems to love rubbing it in my face. I always feel 2 steps behing everyone else, and don't get why.

I'm also in the Army Cadets, and have been for the past 3 years. I was fine there, until some of the other boys there started to treat me like crap. I know they all think that they're better than me, but the way they show me makes me feel even shitter than ever. I can't control anyone there, and 2 particular guys there, who I'll refer to as L and Z, seem to think i'm an irrelevance. I don't see why, I know i'm not worth anything to that place. I was always good at Cadets, until they got up to the same level as me and they started to bitch me around. I want to leave, but can't bring myself to.

I remember coming home from cadets one Friday, and I was in tears because of it, and I had my penknife, and started to scratch at my skin. This is when i started to harm. Read more »


little_red Blog entry published by 4 days ago ()

As My Screams Go Unheard.

I feel like I just bother everyone, and that I just get in the way of everything. I had plans to go to the mall with my friend… Of course that didn’t happen. They were too busy to give me the time of day so they said maybe tomorrow. Yesterday I screamed at my ex-girlfriend/best friend. She thought I was so weak and powerless that she could just step all over me like last time. She’s a merciless, unremorseful, soulless girl. Then she said my family loves me and that I don’t need anyone to love me. I wanted to scream at her saying look at yourself, you’re the one who ran back to their ex-boyfriend who broke your heart over and over. I was pretty mean but since she wants to be mean I can do the same thing back. I’m tired of getting stepped on and treated like complete inhuman shit. One day that well hidden psychosis inside of my brain is going to come and then they going to wish they never fucked with me. Anyway you know I think I might be a danger to myself. Well it’s clear I am. Look at the signs, drinking, self-harming, and self-medicating. Who knows what else in the future, it’s becoming a pattern. I wrote a story… I’m not sure if I should type on here but I don’t have anything else to do. Everyone else is busy so… This is more like collaboration with different experiences I’ve had with all the self-abuse I constantly put myself through when I really don’t need to… I don’t know what’s wrong with me so sorry if things I do don’t make sense once so ever. Read more »


StormyGraves Blog entry published by 6 days ago ()

It's official, life sucks.

So, I haven't posted in around 2-3 weeks. Life's been a little bit hecktic. In the past 2 weeks I've cut 3 times. It's just all piling up. I've got exams and I'm really scared. Also I feel totally alone and as if I'm having a depressive break down. Turns out the one person I thought I could talk to I
can't because they don't care .So much for support. I told them about my cutting in confidence, they told their best friend and then told me to go see a physcyitrist. <--sorry for the spelling.
So i cut after that, feeling completely and terribly alone in the world.
Today I also found out that my mum could have cancer. I completely broke down at this. I cried in front of my friends for the first time ever. I'm terrified and I blame myself. When I was younger I'd hoped I'd die by getting a terrible disease so I could die. I've been answered and my mother might be the one to suffer. I even prayed for forgiveness today. I got down on my knees and prayed so hard. An cried. Again.
It's official, life sucks. However one good thing is I have a new guy friend whom I'm talking to loads. Hopefully I'll be happy soon. I really, really hope I am.


Blog entry published by 1 week ago ()

Why?

It just gets worse each day doesn't it? my so called two bestfriends treat me like shit and rather be with a person i truly dislike. You know i have problems with him! Everyday we've argued and i'm sick of it! I've told use my mood fucks up quite alot but i guess you wasn't listening,i mean after all you've got your heads so far up his arse! Whats so speical about him? tell me!?

I feel so used by them,hurt,betrayed and hated. They wouldn't care if i did end,i mean after all they'll still have their heads so far up his arse!

We strangers to eachothers now! Everytime use try and contact me use start an argument and be all bitchy to me..

I really do hate sarcasm from use!The attitude you use on me is like you don't give a flying fuck!

I can't even trust use anymore! I even told one of them my disturbing mind and she promised to help me,bullshit! you rather just watch me suffer wouldn't you? it amuse use doesn't it?  especially for him!

I even told use i've destroyed my arm and you still use your sarcasm on me!

Carving bitch into my arm,it just amuses use doesn't it? Now if he did it,you'd be all over him!

It hurts me alot and i don't know if i can take the pain much longer..

 

 


vomit Blog entry published by 1 week ago ()

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