I crushed a pill and put it in icecream; I tasted it and spit it out. Tonight crushed the pill and put it into some Sunny D. I took a sip and dumped it down the drain before my mom could see me. Gross. Honestly, not being able to swallow pills has given me a hard disadvantage. I have tried to swallow pill after pill and nothing ever works. Unfortunately, this infection can only go away with a prescription medication. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it. I’ll just have to lie to my mom so she thinks I’m taking the medication

Right after I woke up I showered and made myself look presentable to volunteer. We got a new toad at the center, her name is Azalea. I’m also going to be volunteering all day tomorrow to do a creek clean-up with my friends.

I spent a lot of the day fighting the extreme urge to cut. I listed a lot of stuff on eBay and I cleaned out the house. Then we went Roy Rogers and Home Depot. Read more »

Today I finished my 5th half marathon.  But it was a first for me--my first 13.1 miles in the rain, my first marathon without listening to music, my first race since my car accident in 2011.

That accident was one of the scariest things I've been through.  A distracted driver made a U-turn without yielding to me.  I can still feel the lingering injuries in my wrist and foot.

I was born with an accessory navicular bone in my right foot.  That means there's this extra bone sticking out near the insole.  During the accident, I sprained my ankle and jammed the bone, causing terrible pain at the slightest amount of pressure.

Even after the worst of the pain subsided, things weren't right.

Several months after the accident, I ran only 1/4 mile, at a slow pace, only to have pain shoot up the outside of my leg so sharply that I limped the rest of the night.

One night I was sobbing about this, feeling robbed of my joy.  Running had been my cure for depression.  It once even stopped me from going back to self-harm.  I didn't know how to handle life without it.

Not only could I not run, but I could still feel the pain in my foot.  I felt so helpless.  That night, with tears running down my face, I kept thinking of how I wished I had taken a different route home the morning of the accident, avoiding the uninsured driver who left me with a totaled car and painful injuries. Read more »

I just don't know what to do anymore. My life is falling apart. No one cares about me and what I feel or care about. I care about people and all they do is tell me to stop and wht not. Think it's time to not care about anyone cos no one is thankful for it. I hte my life and I want it to end. 

I lay here in bed with the blades in my hand. Ready to slice open my arms and legs. No one asks how I'm going and stuff. Why should I to them? I treat people the way I want to be treated but no one treats me that way. 

just want my life to end. I can't live with this pain anymore. It's killing me. Don't think anyone will notice if I'm gone. Or care. Maybe it's time to try again. 

One cut, two cuts ,three cuts....10 ccuts blood and more blood. Hate myself more now

I think I'm finally realizing why I cant get any work done ever or accomplish anything. And its because all the days are exactly the same, and I have lost track of time. I swear, if I didnt have to write the date on everything at school, I wouldnt even know what day it was.

There are two types of days; A days and B days.

On A days, it is the usual. First period STEM Chemistry, Study Hall, Geography, and then Lit & Comp II. When I get home from school I got to my room, fix myself a small snack since I skipped lunch, and go to bed. I wake up at 9 pm and start work. I only work on B day stuff on A days.

Then its B days. First period Alegbra I, Study Hall, Biology, and then Spanish 3. When I get home from school it is the exact same routine. Except I only work on A day stuff on B days.

This whole systematic cicle is repetitive and boring and I cant take it anymore.

We are receiving a bunch of final projects, and next week it is crammed high with tests. We havent even started finals yet and I already cant take it.

I dont know what I am going to do in the summer.