I just said my final goodbye to the boy i love. i told him to leave me forever, to get out before my mental fucked-upness poisons him too. i think he believed me this time. he didnt reply. i am alone now. its better this way, though. its better for him. he can go have a decent relationship with evianne, the girl he likes. shes pretty, ive seen her around. and accordnig to him shes pretty awesome too. im happy for him. now he needs to get away from me. i will still protect them, both of them, from afar. i will watch over them from a distance, not there enough to be noticed, but there enough to step in and save them if someone tries something. i will always protect him, and her as long as he holds her in his heart. it is how my heart works. 

maybe im a freak for doing that, idk, but i do. i have to. it would kill me if anything happened to him or if s he was hurt because something happened to her. so nothing physically bad will happen to them. anything i can do to just barely tweak the minds of those who might mentally hurt them, i will.

i made a promise, i will keep it. Read more »

I have a friend who is telling me she might be getting into self injury, and it scares the hell out of me. i mean, ive dealt with other peole going into self injury, but this girl has been one of my best friends since i was in 2nd grade... i told her to please try not to, and that ill be here for her no matter what, but i dont know if thats enough. 
even though i personally wouldnt trade in my scars for the world, i dont want her to scar herself the same way. its not cuz cutting is "my thing" (ive been accused before...), its because i dont want her to hurt like i hurt, or to have to battle herself every day to stop herself from cutting. i want her to be happy and safe. i know that even though i do enjoy cutting, its my addiction, and i dont wish it on her...
i wouldnt trade my scars for the world, but i would trade them to keep her own wrists (and arms and legs and chest and stomach) free of SI scars. Read more »

im seriously contemplating suicide... i know exactly how to, too...

*i would take a dose of aspirin, no more than a normal dose.
*i would wait for it to kick in
*i would slit my wrists, vertically down the vein, as deep as i could go
 

i kindof really fucking want it...

ok first off, does anyone else notice and think its ironic that the first three letters of Poetry are "Poe"? (As in Edgar Allan?)

anyway...I'm putting together a book of SI poetry. It's called Stitches, and i have no idea if my publisher will go with it or not, but maybe... I'll start posting my progress on here. I plan to make it a collection of 36 poems (idk why 36) the number just feels right. If i cant get it published, i guess ill just get it bound at Kinkos or whatever, and sell copies of it online. When i finish it, ill let everyone know, and then post another notice to tell whether its getting published or not. (hint: some of the poems are ones i post on here. ^^)