Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I am a cutter. This is my story. Middle school has not been very fun for me. I've never been popular or even normal; i've always been kind of an outcast. I've had very few friends and at some points none; sitting alone at lunch has become a routine for me by now. It's average and i expect it. People used to make fun of me or yell at me or write stuff about me online. It really hurt. A lot of people think I am gay. It's not true but no one believes me. At the end of 6th grade, I cut for the first time. After  that first time I knew i had to do it again to be happy. Throughout 7th grade, I would do it occasionally but only when things got really tough. My life at home during 7th grade wasn't the happiest either. My grandmother who lives up the street started dating this guy which tore apart my whole family, especially my mom. She would cry a lot. Some nights she would go out and get in her car and go for a drive or just sit there. I felt really alone. I rarely see my dad because he works a lot so I felt really alone. I have a sister who is 18 but she was always out with friends or doing homework. I never felt i had anyone to talk to. By eighth grade, I became addicted to cutting myself. I would write words into myself, like ugly, fat, gay, kill me, help, love me. Whatever I was thinking I would carve into my body with a razor blade. I went through all this in silence for 2 years. One day, it became too much for me to handle, so I tried to kill myself. I went to my parents medicine cabinet. I found anything i could find and just took them all. I felt sick and really tied. I don;t remember much but I fell asleep. I did wake up the next morning though. Now I am so thankful for that, but at the time I was so angry. I few weeks later, my cutting seemed to come out to everyone. At first I was so worried people would judge me, and trust me they did. They called me stuff, they looked at me weird. The works. It sucked. One night I decided to tell my parents. They cried. I remember my mom held me so close to her and we just sat there in silence. Now I'm glad I told them. Now, I have a reason to stop. When it just affected me, they took them, but i made them give it all back. I couldn't believe it but they did. I know being addicted to cutting is hard, more than hard, and sometimes you just wanna die. I hope someday I'll be free. Please don't judge me for this. I know I'm weird and I know I have problems but I love you so much so please don't judge me <3