Cheating is a horrible thing and I understand where you come from. I have been with my boyfriend for 26 months now and I found out that he had a habit of smoking weed that he hid from me because he didn't want to stop. The thing about cheating is that it breaks more than just trust. When you know that the cheating happened, its hard to look at the person the same way and feel the same way. That intimacy you took for granted is something he didn't care enough to keep just for you. It may seem like hurting him back would make sense but true love means forgiveness, not revenge. I have been in some bad relationships and I would say that you both need to move on, you made it thru a lot together but if you don't want to be with him, you can't let him believe you do. Maybe it will be better for both of you. If not, then fate will bring you back together. :)