i can have a perfect day, and still want to kill myself. Today wasn't perfect, though. It was far from perfect. at the end of the day It doesnt matter, because I cant get these suicidal thoughts and urges to cut out of my head.
I haven't cut in five weeks. I'm proud because I can wear what I want, but the depression and anxiety is building up inside. I'm not used to smooth skin. If I don't have any cuts.....it feels weird. If I don't rip my skin......
I gained some of my weight back----I'm 115 now. My mom says if I get under 100 lbs, shes going to take my phone away. I plan to lose 15 lbs.
I just graduated eighth grade yesterday, and summer is already bothering me. Last year, it took me three weeks to realize we werent going back to school. Now im going to high school...it bugs me. Even though my anxiety is bad at school, I saw my friends everyday. Without a schedule....I go insane. I am sad because I am leaving behind some good teachers and I'm tired of going to new schools...I think this is like my 8th school now.
I didnt type a lot because I am so out of it.... don't know who I am. i'm either in bad dream or maybe I already died, it sure feels like I died inside.