I've been struggling with depression for several years. I'm 20 years old. When I first realized something was wrong I had to be in the 6th grade. I suffered abuse in different forms and I'm not sure if I will get over any of them. I started cutting in the 11th grade. It was the only thing that made me feel like I was alive. I got to a point in my life where I could care less about what I do, where I go, and what happens to me. All I wanted to do was sleep my life away. There wasn't a day I didn't cry. In the 12th grade I fell in love with this guy that I really thought was the one. Even though I was happy..I couldn't contol the way I felt. I wanted to laugh and smile but I couldn't. Instead i'd lash out and it just kept getting worse as the months went by. We broke up after a year. I never got over it. It drove my depression a little deeper and somehow I can't climb back up to the top. The only emotions I seem to have are anger and sadness. I often feel alone and unloved. I am almost 21 and I feel like my life has gone though so many changes already. I try harder everyday to accomplish things so that i am one step closer to true happiness. whatever that is. I have never talked to a professionnal before and i've never had counselling. I feel like I can't really trust anyone these days or rely on anyone..so I focus on myself. I am alone in a place where the sun never comes up.