Today marks the one year anniversary of my uncle's death. He died by his own hand this day last year and I keep expecting it to feel better. I keep waiting and waiting for the pain to go away, for me to stop missing him quite so much and stop worrying about his well-being. He's not hurting anymore. I keep telling myself that. He's at peace. But it doesn't help. I'm not spiritual, I'm not religious but I really want my uncle to be somewhere safe and not just a pile of ashes. I want him to be able to look down on me and my family and be proud of our accomplishments. I want to know that he made the right choice. I know it doesn't matter terribly much anymore but I want to make sure he didn't have any second thoughts as he was dying. I want his suicide to have been the only solution. I miss him and I hope he's happy today.