I can no longer handle my shit on my own. At all. I gave up self-injury for the new year (yes, a disaster waiting to happen) and I'm stubborn and I plan on not hurting myself for the year. Of course, I had to replace cutting, burning, pill-popping with something so I've stopped eating. And I'm not sure what's worse. All I know is that I hate being hungry, but I need the feeling of control.

I need to learn how to handle things, I need to learn how to be okay. I'm frustrated and scared and alone, and I feel like counseling may help. Blahhh, I don't know. The whole thing terrifies me.

I saw my boyfriend today, for the last time as my boyfriend. We spent the day together, talking about college and life and stuff. We were peaceful and calm, and all was okay. We cried together and apologized for life having to happen. We laughed with each other and, even though we were naked, we were more like friends than we've ever been.

He drove me home, and we broke up. He apologized profusely as I cried in his car. I kissed him one final time and left him. I got in the house and immediately stopped crying. It hit me that it didn't matter that much, that this is not the end. He and I are friends, and there's not even any awkwardness. We joked around and now we have plans to go to the opera in September, as friends. My feelings for him and his feelings for me will fade and we'll move on. He and I will be friends and it will be okay. Read more »