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I haven't been on in a while. I recently found blades hidden away in a purse. I realized that come

FEB 1st (the day after my 21st birthday) I will be 3 months cut free.

I couldn't even imagine that before. Lately things have been more down then up though. I'm still not back with my ex. He doesn't want to be with me because of my ED, but he's still supporting me. It's at it's worst, I'm down to 88lbs and aiming lower still. It's gotten me so sick.

I had to take a leave of absense from college for my health and because of stress. I plan to work and go back in the fall, hopefully with some idea of what I want to do with my life. I'm seriously considering finding a therapist, but still unsure about that. I've been so depressed, but I'm not good with being so open with people face to face. I've been holding out this whole time on my now. The urges have been there, there were some close suicide calls, but I've been holding. I can be proud of at least that.