I am not sure how much more I can take. I am just getting so tired of it all. I have a strange attraction to wanting to hang myself. But if I was to kill myself I would not do it that way. I do NOT want anybody to find me helplesly hanging there. I have the thought of my mom finding me…I nearly cry when I think of it. I think a better way would be to OD. I have also thought about just completly recking our car and hopefully dieing. I’m not sure how else i would do it. Just some kind of sufocation….I just…FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I feel alone…forgoten…I feel like people are abandoning me. I feel like everything is against me. I can’t get a job….I can’t do anything. I am jsut a waste of space. Waste of life. Taking from the world and not giving anything back. It would be better to be dead. Then I could finally give back to the world. Rotting slowly away decomposing letting the bugs and the earth reclaim me. I want to die…..so why don’t I just kill myself. Whats stoping me? I guess…I am afraid of what I might miss. I am afraid of how it will affect my friends and family. And I am afraid of actually doing it. I guess I havn’t gotten to the full breaking point yet. I hope it doesn’t come. I guess we will see.