I've never been trapped out in the middle of the ocean with no way of escape but thats exactly what this feels like. But instead of water, it's negaitve feelings. Hopelessness, despair, worthlessness, anger, emptiness, depression, anxiety, empathy, self-hatred. Theyre all like new waves crashing down on me.

It's like every second is a struggle, is something I cant enjoy. Like even when my head is above the waves and I'm feeling good, felling things like; hope, happiness, fullfillment, peace, contentment. It's like even in those moments the water is still there and I can forget that if I dont fight to keep myself above the waves all those negative things will be pulling me down. I have times where I feel good, where my head is totally above those vicious waves, but I cant even enjoy it. I have to keep fighting to push myself out of the sorrow, out of the waves. It's terrible feeling so crushed by such things. I dont even know what it is like to relax and just enjoy life any more.. The few seconds where I do are so quickly replaced everytime. Read more »

I want to be loved. I'm not necessarily talking about romantic love. I'm talking about genuine love where you would give anything for the person. Where you love them so much your heart aches for them when they hurt. I don't get why I yearn for this so much. The other day one of my friends wanted to know why I loved her and my response was over 17 text messages long. It cant be wrong for me to long for someone to do that for me, is it? I mean, I get it, there are people in my life that do genuinely love me. But somehow that knowledge isnt quite enough. I just want someone to demonstrate, in even the smallest of ways, that if I needed it, they would move a mountain for me. Is that so wrong? Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm not lovable, or valuable, or lovely enough to be treasured in the ways that I want to be. I just yearn for love so much. Read more »

Dying of a broken heart. No, literally. Not some romantic notion just some sort of genetic process gone wrong. They say it isnt inheritable, that youre just born with it.

But I guess it doesnt even matter, So what? I mean, alot of people are sick. I probably shouldnt even care but I just have to go ahead and say that not being able to do the things that you've always loved, really sucks. Now you readers probably have no idea what Im talking about but thats fine.

I think that because my physical heart has been broken for so long that I dont know how to use the one people normally refer to. Every now and again I think I can hear that heart beat but noone else sticks around long enough for me to really figure out if it's there. Im not even worth it to people.

Have you ever just sat there and thought, "would anyone notice me? Maybe if I was pretty, less violent, more lenient, better at listening. Maybe if I was different things would be too" I know I have. I dont think that's right, I mean Im not a believer in fate or an unchangeable future. I acutally strongly believe that anyone can be exactly who they want to be.

It might be part of my downfall. The way that I think every element around you can be affected by your mind, your beliefs, your attitude... your heart.

But what do you do when people say "There's nothing we can do." How do you respond to knowing your life could be gone in an instant, as very unlikely and rare as that possibility is. Read more »