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Freaking feelings
Printer-friendly versionIs there a name for someone who's not attracted to either men or women? Maybe I'm just in a time where I simply don't wish to have someone at my side; but I try to imagine myself with anyone, and it seems impossible. Part of it may be that I am afraid to disclose anything. Relationships require disclosure, and that is something that frightens me. How to tell anyone that I SI and that my body is covered in scars, that I refrain from wearing shorts, that I don't live without bracelets. And if I someday fall in love (God forbid)...ugh this is too much.
Blog entry published by 1 year ago ()
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gender identity vs. sexuality
1 year () (Permalink)Do any of you guys feel like you are neither one gender nor the other? I'm physically female, but have never felt like I fit in with women or men. I *am* bisexual, for the record, but find people I'm attracted to so rarely that it hardly matters.
I know I had some experiences which may have predisposed me to feeling this way - a) a parent who insisted I keep my hair very short, b) a unisex name, and c) a low voice - but now I'm a fair piece older and sport long hair and a new name, and my voice is considered pleasant.
I still feel the same. As always, there's no safe locker room. I've learned how to dress the body up appropriately, but it's just like driving a different car.
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Yes, I often feel like this.
1 year () (Permalink)Yes, I often feel like this. I also sometimes feel as though I am both at times, and at times I can feel like one or the other. That's why I identify as genderqueer, it's a very fluid gender identity.
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Definitely! Sometimes the
1 year () (Permalink)Definitely! Sometimes the only thing to remind me I'm a female is my body, and of course, everyone else. As for attraction to anyone, it's never there. The feeling itself of not "fitting in" in either sex is interesting. I'll take Rain -freak-'s advice and investigate this. Just know that you're not alone in feeling this way :)
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The first paragraph of this
1 year () (Permalink)The first paragraph of this sounds like exactly what I've been feeling lately.
Asexuality might be a possibility, or you might just be going through something right now that curbs your attraction to people. (Note: I am not saying this is a "phase" or whatever other phrase you may want to throw at me; just that studies indicate that females are more likely to be fluid in their sexuality over their lifetime.)
As for not feeling particularly male or female, you may want to investigate the concept of being genderqueer. It's an idea that I've been trying to figure out lately, and if nothing else it may help you explore possibilities of what is going on within yourself.
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Genderqueer; never heard of
1 year () (Permalink)Genderqueer; never heard of this concept, I'll be sure to do some research on it.I wonder if maybe it is a phase, if so, mine has been extremely long. Not that I mind :) I just feel weird being around so many people who are "in love" while I feel nothing. Thank you :)
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yep, asexual
1 year () (Permalink)this is what i consider myself most of the time. im not sure about you, but sometimes the past has something to do with it. or sometimes the..current. but it doesnt matter. being asexual is just like being bisexual or straight, its just a preference. it might change, might not, but dont feel wrong about it. its you.
and yeah, trust might help later on in the future. takes a lot to trust somebody, but if you know they love you and you love them, then they shouldnt care about the scars or you not being able to wear shorts. it wouldnt matter. just wait and hopefully the time will come and you'll find someone.
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Thank you :) I think you're
1 year () (Permalink)Thank you :) I think you're right about the past and present having to do something with it. Past events might make one skeptical of "love." I hadn't thought of it as a choice until you mentioned it. I guess if I softened up a bit I would be able to love, although I'm not sure I want to. I don't know whether it's worth it, right now, at least. Yeah, if the person really loves you, they won't mind the scars. It's something I have to keep repeating, I forget very quickly. Thank you :)
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Yes, asexual is one of the
1 year () (Permalink)Yes, asexual is one of the terms for it. There's quit a few people out there who feel that way though, overall, it's a minority compared to people who want to fall in love. There's even people who want love but don't want a sexual component to it (a stub on one aspect with links to other definitions: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Heteroromantic).
However, you seem more afraid of vulnerability than not wanting actual love. Or am I wrong?
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Thank you for the info. I've
1 year () (Permalink)Thank you for the info. I've been thinking of this alot during the past week and I remembered a dream I had where a guy held my hand. He didn't say anything, just walked beside me and I was amazed that he didn't even turn to look at my body. I woke up and felt great, something I'd never felt before and haven't since then.
I don't know what I want. Romantic love is something foreign. I guess I want to be loved without having to love. I feel selfish.
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ha Madi, This cracked me
1 year () (Permalink)ha Madi, This cracked me up.
A-sexual Means you are capable to reproduce on your own... ha :b
Harbor, Trust should always come first. Be happy and be free on your own. When the right person comes, You won't have to wonder; WIll they think things of me, will they accept me?
You will know for sure.
You don't need someone by your side if your not ready.. If you don't want to "disclose" to anyone, don't, no ones making you. You just do what feels right. You are perfect the way you are. i wish you luck love.
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I really like all that you've
1 year () (Permalink)I really like all that you've said, and I hope for it to be absolutely true. Perhaps the person will someday come and they won't care that my body is scarred and imperfect. Thank you so much :)
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You will.
1 year () (Permalink)A-sexual? haha, I don't think you are, though. Maybe it's just not a right time in your life to think about being with someone. But I also think everybody gets lonely, and everybody wants to fall in love, or a least experience it.
Apathetic&Careless
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Thank you :) I didn't think
1 year () (Permalink)Thank you :) I didn't think there'd be a word for it. True, everyone I have met sooner or later wants to love, for me trust needs to come first, and trust is what I do the least of. But maybe one day :)
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