Sometimes I feel like a little frog swimming downwards in a river. At the bottom of the river is everything I want to achieve in life. Some days, when the water is clearest, I can see myself at the bottom in the vision I always have when I picture where I want to be in the future.

However, sometimes, when the water is murky the little frog is no longer able to see himself happy in the future at the bottom of the lake. The water around him is so murky it seems the future he dreamed of has gone forever. The immediate situation is so dismal he feels the murky times may never pass. It takes all of little frogs determination to keep swimming through the murky days and remember how the clear days felt and remember the future when he reaches the bottom and the hard times have passed.

Some days little frog just wants to stop swimming and float off down the river. Easier. Safer. Happier. Read more »

I just want to stop being.

I don't want to live anymore.

Whats the point when you know nothing will ever get better?

Dear Daddy

I found a book the other day which you made me the day I was born. I found a card addressed to my Mum:
'Dear New Mummy, Thanks for making me the happiest man in the world. I have the two most special girls in the world. Thanks for my beautiful daughter. I love you both, my two gorgeous girls. x'
I cried. I don't know the man who wrote that card, although I spent most of my childhood wishing I did. Instead I knew the man you became.

I only knew you as the man who abused my Mum. The man who told me I was ugly. The man who told me I was no longer his daughter. The man who drunk himself into nothingness everynight. The man who made me dread visiting him..

The day you finally left us was the day before I started school. I bet you don't remember that. I bet you don't remember seeing me sat at the top of the stairs as you held my Mum up against the hallway wall by her neck threatening to kill her before walking out the door. Do you remember life before you walked out on your 'two gorgeous girls' and my gorgeous little sister. I know people change and I know relationships fall apart but I also know now how little you cared about us. Read more »