Hey, I guess :)
I'm kinda new to this so if I saw something weird or stupid, which I'm most probably going to do, then please don't hate me.
My name is Angelina Clive, but almost everyone I know calls me Angel. I'm 15 years old and have been a cutter for roughly three years, so... since I was 12.
I've had an account on here for almost a year now but I've never actually used it. I come here all the time and read what other people are talking about and saying but I've never actually participated.
I've been in and out of counseling for most of this year, but apparently I'm now 'cured' and can go on to lead a normal life, much to the delight of my mom. Ignorance really is bliss, huh?
Where I'm from, self injury is kind of like a taboo subject. Everyone knows or has heard about it from somewhere but no one ever talk about it. If someone knows that you're a cutter then you are automatically segregated, and then suddenly everyone knows and stays away from you. The only reason why my mom sent me to a counselor was because it's confidential and no one had to know that I did it, therefore her image as a 'perfect' parent wasn't tarnished. She's so convinced that I'm happy and that I've stopped doing it now that she even throws in the odd joke or two about it when it's just the two of us.
She's really one of the main problems in my life. She constantly tells me how much she hates the way that I dress and the music that I listen to, and compares me to everyone else's daughters.
Music, I can honestly say, has saved my life. If I've had a particularly bad day then I can put in my headphones and just ignore the world for a while.
I'm here because I'm scared, mostly. I'm scared that if I keep bottling all of these things inside of me then very soon I'm going to do something that I'll regret.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes I love my life, and sometimes I wouldn't want to change it for the world... But times like that mean nothing when I get so low that I hurt myself to just to feel something different, anything.
Most people say that they cut for the release. That when they see the blood flowing it's almost like all of their problems are being drained from their body. I cut for the scars. Whenever I see a new one forming or a particularly deep one that I know will be there forever, it comforts me in a way. I get satisfaction from knowing that now I'm scarred on the outside too, not just on the inside. But it's not for the attention, if that's what you're thinking, I don't cut where anyone else will see. My scars are for my eyes only. Does anyone else feel like this?
Well, that's me. I guess I just need someone to talk to atm. Someone who'll help me through some of my lowest moments, because I don't think that I can do this by myself anymore.