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Why are u doin this..... again
Printer-friendly versionThey say hurt me once its ur fault hurt me twice its my fault and boy is that shit true... i am so done trustin ppl ... i been tryin so hard to let ppl in tryin to learn to trust ppl but its like no matter wat i do no matter wat i say i end up gettin screwed.... i really cared about this guy i was with..... and a couple weeks ago he decided to take off to another state without so much as a phone call..... so of course i start freakin out about where he went and if he was ok and then just when i thought things were over between us he calls about 2 wks later and tells me hes comin back an he wants to see me.... so of course he comes back and we talk and he appologizes an says he wont do it again... i cant believe i actually believed him!!! while he was down here i noticed he lost his mind...( he is schizophrenic and he was off his meds) so we got in2 an argument and i told him he needed to get back on his meds and i was just about to leave when he asks me to bring him 2 the hospital... so i do he goes inpatient for a week i visit him everynight to hear him tell me he loves me an he wants to b with me forever and he makin all these plans for us ... and then when its time 4 him 2 leave i go to pick him up and wat does he do?.... takes off again without a word... at least this time i expected it.... i just feel like such a fool to believe he was actually tryin to make things work with us... so now he back where he was again without meds and with ppl that can honestly care less about him!!!.... i really think its impossible 4 me to find someone who wants to be in a serious relationship... i must be some kind of freak or something... i really hate myself right now!!!!
Blog entry published by 1 year ago ()
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Its gonna be okay.
1 year () (Permalink)I can honestly say I know where you are. I was going out with my now ex and I would wait up for him for nights, then weeks, and months. We dated for the longest time and he was emotionally abusive and never showed up and just disappeared for so long at a time. I told myself all the excuses I could think of and believed him over and over. I know this is so hard but I'm going to tell you the best thing you can do. You need to leave him. If he cares enough he will straighten up and come back for you and stay that way. I met my new boyfriend when I left the guy that was never there and was just using me and we have been together for 26 months now. I can honestly say that was the best thing I could have done and I truly know this boy loves me and we are getting married soon. You need to let that guy go, there is someone out there who is just waiting to love you. It might take some time but you need to love yourself before you can be loved and that is true. You need to love yourself enough to do whats right for yourself so you can be in that relationship you want to be in. If you need to talk just let me know :)
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thanks :)
1 year () (Permalink)I really appreciate the support... thanks.. ya i dont condider us 2gether anymore i realized he just lies too much and bein off his medication makes it 10x worse.. he actually called me the other night and as soon as he started 2 tell me that he was coming back i got sooo mad and when i told him i couldnt handle the drama anymore an he needed 2 b on his meds he hung up on me so im done wit him!!!!
I am a 27 yr old female who has dealt with self mutialtion for about 12 years i currently consider myself in recovery and hope to make it last... im in a relationship but i dont really take it seriously right now cause of certain circumstances but i
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