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It's amazing what a week away can do for you.

I feel rebirthed; a pheonix rebirthed from the ashes of dreams long forgotten about because I dared believed I wasn't good enough to deserve any of it. That's my problem, you know, I feel as though I don't deserve the attention, the love, the affection that I know I deserve; I've worked too hard, I've over come too much to sit idly by and watch my life through glazed over eyes. It's ludacris to lay down and die instead of fighting for what I know I want my life to be, for what I know I deserve! It's beyond frustrating to watch me do this to myself, watch myself roll over and play dead instead of going after what I know I deserve and what I know I'm entitled to because of the woman I've become, because of who I was born as, because of my education and the opportunities it has afforded me. 

In the same breath, though, compromise is an art. I need to really work on when I should compromise, when I should fight, when I should give in. It's a very fine, fine line to walk and I get all mixed up in the poltics of it all. I am trying very hard to be the "perfect whatever", but at the same time I need to realize when I can actually stand up for what I want. 

My thoughts are a mess tonight.