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Tears, Lies, Blood.

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Alright tonight at youth group....ugh. I don't even wanna go into it. Just know: Boys, secrets, embarassing, stupid. Blahblahblah. It was awful. So I go to the bathroom, cause I knew if I went back in the room I would cry. So, yeah and I'm sitting there and all 4 of my friends come in to ask if I'm alright. I answered them that I was fine, laughing about it. It was definatly a first for me because I've never been able to tell someone that, while crying, without them hearing it in my voice. It was....weird. I'm getting....*better* at lying. Lovely.

Right. Well yeah. It sucked. I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. I bet we're finalizing chair placements, which is going to depress me and just ugh. I try to be happy, I do, I'm sorry. But I'm not I'm not just....ugh. Everyone around me is so much better at EVERYTHING then I am. Honestly the only reason I'm not skipping tomorrow is cuz I HAVE to do this nurse, checky uppy thing....blech.

So yeah, tonight I reached a milestone. Ha. I drew my very first drops of blood. It was.....it was weird.

I don't know. I feel like I'm just waiting for someone to discover me almost. I...mean.....I....I don't know.

I guess we'll see. But one thing I do know is that I hate the 8th grade. I have NEVER in my life wanted a year to end more. I am counting the days until it's gone. Honestly.....I hate it. I hate the people, the school, the teachers, the events. It's been an awful year.

Blech. Thats how I feel. Tomorrow will suck.

Great.

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Lyssa Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

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Lyssa Lyssa

Your Right

2 years () (Permalink)

Thanks, your right. Even a small scratch should matter. :)

Guess I'd rather hurt then feel nothing at all. <3

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Lyssa Lyssa

Nope

2 years () (Permalink)

Nope. It's always just been scratches. I don't use my razor. I use this small knife thing, and I do it on my shoulder......I don't know. It's just never gone that deep I guess. Thanks though. :)

Guess I'd rather hurt then feel nothing at all. <3

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kjb21 (not verified)

o ok. don't be fooled though,

2 years () (Permalink)

o ok. don't be fooled though, anyone hurting themselves to any degree should not be judged by the amount or depth or their injuries. everyone's pain matters:) you're welcome.

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kjb21 (not verified)

curious...

2 years () (Permalink)

im just curious, but you said tonight you drew your first drops of blood. have u never gone deep enough to bleed? im sorry that it went that far.

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