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The tears that you can't see, you know the bad ones. <3
Printer-friendly versionI'm on Spring Break at the moment and honestly, enjoying it more then I've enjoyed anything for a long time.
Friday was a pretty good last day before break. But I have this friend, Sarah, who told my best friend that I was....lets see....."annoying", "she can choose her own friends", and "doesn't want to talk to me unless she feels like it." Now.....now....I know this all sounds like stupid drama. And it is. But.....she is also BFFF's with Emily, who I literally spent my whole 7th grade year and summer with. We were besties, as close as you can get. Then....life happened. And now I don't know where either of us stand. Plus, Sarah is one of the few people who knew about my first attempts at....this. So it goes deeper. Emily knew too. Don't know if she forgot about or not. Not gonna bring it up again anyways.
But....it's just hard. I've always been like that. I'm hurt easily. I mean, EASILY. The littlest things will cut me deeper then ANYONE, ANYONE knows. But it's like Sarah and Emily are like.....almost teaming against me. I don't know. I just don't know what to do. Sarah like hates me pretty much. And I don't even KNOW about Emily. She doesn't seem to want to talk and honestly I wish it would just end. Cause we are hanging by the thinnest thread.....I wish we could just let go. But I can't seem to figure out how.....espacially since she doesn't seem to care either way.
It hurts. I'm so hurt. I hate this change. Everyone around me is growing up, moving on, figuring it out, changing.....and I'm getting left behind. I used to have a group of friends I could call my own. But now I'm such a depressed jerk half the time I'm lucky if I can get someone to talk to me.....someone OTHER then Kara who puts up with me and is a completely different story.
So yeah. School is the LAST place I want to go back too right now......it's going to suck. But. But. But. If I can get through the last of the 8th grade....I can go to camp. Then 9th grade.
Now, I'm not a real cutter. Ok. I'm real. But....ok, well I've barely been at it for a year. And 3/4 of that year was ok. But I also hate it, and hate myself for it, no matter how little I did it.
But high school will be my new start. I hope I can get there.
Until then I honestly don't know what I'll do until then. I'm gonna smile until it hurts, and cry myself to sleep. I'll get through it though. I hope. I hope. I hope.
Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()
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Yeah
2 years () (Permalink)Exactly. Like....I don't know. I told them things, trusted them, and it just hurts that I could trust someone THAT much just a few months ago and now we don't even talk. And I don't know what I did. Most of the friends I used to have I hardly talk to anymore and I don't know why. It DOES hurt, weather people think it's stupid drama or not. Thanks :) I'll keep that in mind. You can always talk to me too, and I'm serious.
Guess I'd rather hurt then feel nothing at all. <3
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I will be here for you.
2 years () (Permalink)People usually see friend drama as petty and don't really think it's such a big deal, but it is while you are stuck in school with them everyday. I know you don't think you can make it through school now but you should realize that school has one purpose only, education. If you ever get to the point where you just want to stop living because of your social issues there is always virtual school until high school where you can restart, where nobody knows anything about you and you can be whoever you want. If you ever want to talk i'm here, and don't just brush that off, I am sincere in that.
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