Hm. Im here as always as I've been for a while. Breathing trying to live for another day. Eating trying to stay strong. Aware because im so scared it'll happen again. Crying because I don't know what to do next. Stairng in the mirrow trying to reconize the person stairing back, its not the person I wanna see, its not the person I thought I was. When I close my eyes I feel like theres a lot of fat on me like im being weighed down by it. but when I open my eyes I see nothing, i see bony arms. I dont get it. I feel hate for those who walk the earth like everythings ok. how can you call yourelf a human and let this happen. But as the months go by. Im learning of acceptance, because Im far from accepting the fact that they did this to me. I dont know whether to go blind and just kill all of you that did this to me but then that would me giving up my future and al the things I wanna be. I thnk of how i spent a lot of my years trying to make you feel the way I feel or atleast close to it, But ive learned that it would take a life time and by the end of my life you'll be dead and better while im still waiting for revenge and being miserable. So now I choose to let you three go. Bye mother, bye grandma, by my cousin. You don't know how hard that was to think, to say to write. But Im doing it so I can move on, so I won't be like you three. Troubled. Read more »

FOR THOSE WHO DRINK NEVER EVER DO ANYTHING YOU WOULDNT WHILE SOBER !!!!!!!!!!! LIKE ME IM DRUNK AND I SENT A TEXT ABOUT HOW MUCH I LIKEED THIS GUY BUT I WOULDVE NEVER DONE IT I WERE SOBER , SO LATER ON I FOUND OUT THAT HE TWEETED ABOUT WHAT I SAID ON TWITTER AND I FEEL SICK LIKE THROWING UP LIKE HE USED ME TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK COOL. AND IT WASNT COOL HE LOOKED SUPER CORNY, AND DUMB  LOL UGH SAD I JUSST GOTTA CUT OFF MY FEELINGS FROM HIM (WHICH IS ALREADY DONE) BUT IL KEEP SEEING HIM JUST NOT ON THAT SERIOUS LEVEL . he will be my FUN. HIS fault hes missing out on some good, serious shit !

Im here waiting for a miracle, while I fuck up my life some more. I really don't know whats wrong with me. All I do is change my mind over and over, I can never stick with anything. I hope it just means it isnt for me not that im just backing out because it's getting too hard. Whats really hardcore is when you have no one that wants to be there for you. Life is rough as fuck like im really starting to realize how hard it is. I want and need to get out of here. I need to be better but its like its me against the world like everyone is really trying so hard for me not to do good. Like everyone wants me to fail. I just want to start all over. I dont need you all bringing up my past because its right here in my face... my present. Im still doing the same shit as before I've just gotten beter at it. I just need a place. Not a mom, dad or a guardian. I cant take it when people tell me what to do. Its like its programed in my head automatically that if you tell me something, at the end im going to do the opposite. It's weird. I just need my brain and a place. I cant take it with everyone talking telling what I should and need to do. Its like a fucking baby whinning in your ear while your trying to sleep. Just shut the fuck up all ready ! I know what I need to do but unfortunately my mind keeps changing. So back the fuck off. Its my life let me deal. All they need to worry about is giving me what I want and shutting up. I've been doing this shit since I was born ... making my own decisions.

 Huh . Lost, Im hear in this world with everything out in the open but don't know what to do wether should I start binge drinking again should I kill myself should I just live and wait for someone to kill me so I wont feel this way ever again. Betrayed, But I never had your loyalty to begin with. I thought you'd help me once I told you my deep secret but instead you just stud by . Sorry, for what I know my future holds and it is not me you will see in your future . Restless never ending thoughts that has nothing to do with me getting better because any of my options are not right Im all alone I have no fucking body my mother is worthless when it comes to me getting better . I feel like its just the beginning like Im hear to go through hell and not happiness . Its just the beginning and Im in for it, its something bad all I can do is try and find a way out of this problem where I dont know where to go . But either turn I make will just be a dead end . " Love " is all I have when it comes to me having a smile on my face . I feel love for my sibblings and hopefuly that'd be enough to get me through . Read more »