Pain is good. Especially if your like me. I was raised on pain. Getting beat all the time, with whips all over my bod, pain from him putting his teenage penis inside of little me. Pain, pain, pain. Though I will not accept pain from any person. I inflict my own pain, and I love it. Soooo I pretend that Im ok a lot :) like I am now, I've learned if you pretend enough, you may actually start to think its real. Im HAPPY! Oh am I happy. NOT. I want to get away, far, far away. I just have to stay strong and get my shit together. I'll be 18 in 11 days and that means a lot of bad stuff can happen, I know for a fact my mom will kick me out, its so weird because I've spent my whole like trying to leave her and she would never let me go. But know she blames her unhappy life on me, Just ME, haha she's such a foolish adult. But aye, I'll find a group home. I never wanted to be with my family, I loathe them, I need them but I dont want to. I dont want them but I need them. Get it? I swear they'll never see me again, Im no saint but I never diserved all the bullshit that has happened to me. I just wanna leave them forever and never see them because everytime I see them I wanna die. the sight of them reminds me of what has happened and how they never dealt with what happened they just act like nothing happened, and it kills me to see them smile. I just want them to feel my pain, all of it! I want them to be tortured by my thoughts. I want them to know how I felt, how i feel, most of all I want them to feel the internal pain. Read more »



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