Printer-friendly version

My name is Nyah and this is the story of my life. I was born on april 19,1995. Indian and African American. I was born into a family with a grandmother for a crackhead and 3 aunts who were the most fucked up females in world's history, but soon became 2 aunts in 2003 . My other aunt died but I don't remember her I don't even remember how she looks. I was malested by my cousins and family friend, but remember my family has a issue with bipolar and scitsofrania. But I was raped from 6 or younger but up to the age of 10. I was having sex and oral sex. it was 6 boys that were in the family who I was malested by. 1 family friend and that person was a he. I grew up thinking it was the right thing to do like who dosen't fuck there own causents and live normal. Ever since I was born up to the age of 12 I was physically and mentally abused by my mother. Also I began to purge because My mom and aunt woulld say I was fat and had big thighs. The throwing up lasted for atleast 2 years. Umm I would go long periods of time without eating, the longest was 2 and a half weeks. Then i began to cut and have cry alot alot I would cry everyday because, I would think why would god let the world live like this everyone having sex at 7years old with their family. But to only find out the life i was living was not right at all.At the age of thirteen I grew up within a year quickly very very quickly, and over that year I learned that i should'nt be getting my head hit against the wall and sat on and punched in the back by my own mother, and that my older causent was'nt supposed to be touching me the way he did. Im 14  I pop peels,cut, im an alcholic,smoke drugs, and think about hurting myself everyday. My life know is hurting me . I have a family who dosent know any of these thing i wrote about all they know is that they have a 14 year old amungs their family who is crazy,disturbed, and seeking for attention. Sometimes i say " only if they knew what i been threw" but Im not the type of person to dwell on the past. Or feel sorry for myself but I can't help but think Why me . and feel sorry for myself. Life has been hard, or maybe I make it that way. Im a fuckedup person and I no that but I don't know what to think or even how to think correctly. I hate the fact that im living this way that im wasting my life. On these problems . I don't no if i should cry or get up and move with the world instead of letting it pass by. Im scarred everyday. I want a friend. I really and trully think i am not human. Or i camee fro, another planet. Because how can I try to live a human life in a human body shouldnt it be easy if you were made for a human life. Therefore its eaither im a motherfuckin alien or that im tremendously fucked up for life. I don't know I just wish I had someone to listen and understand me and what i've been threw. I want a friend. God only knows how bad it's killing me inside its eating me up breaking me down into peices its killing me I need a somebody!