Well...i attepmpted to overdose...and..i didn't die..instead,i fucked up my memory..And got the kids taken away untill i control it better..Great. But...i would love to feel that calm again..to know it exists..that..calmness..its unreal. And no amount of cutting or picking or burning could make me feel it again. What now? I don't have the kids to look out for, He's always working or sleping...its such a horrible empty feeling..knowing this is like, my 6th failed attempt..I can't even kill myself right,and the last thing i tried doing, just cost me my memory..which is almost like dieing i suppose. but not for me, becuase my memories are all basically aweful. but..i'm too afraid to try again. Great

Well..alots happend since september..andi've been on here...I faked my own death..which was not easy at all..I had two boys,and,am pregnant again with yet another little girl..I'm sorry for anyone who was worried about ..i don't deserve it. I just..was in a really,really rough time..I felt like a failure as a mommy,and,..a human..i'm just a failure

I used to be ashamed of my SI scars,i hide my arms,legs,any place i have them. I'd deny that i cut..But i finally realized..no matter what i say,i still wake up with scars. And i still have theurge to cut. I wake u with lined covered deep beige lines. And no matter how many creams i use,i'll always know they were there. they will never be comleatly gone....and that's ok. It doesnt make less human beuase i'm scarred. It makes me unique...just like ll of you

Dear Babies,Alicia,Ashlyn,And Aliana,
They said it wasnt possible,you were too small to survive. But you did it,You all did. I love you guys with all my heart,And,i know you love me,even if your not aware of me yet. Your going home today,All 3 of you,to meet your aunt and uncle,Your daddy is beaming with pride, I know you girls are troopers,you have strength,And,I promise,I will NOT harm myself,i will get stronger for you. My 3 precious little angels,I thought you'd never come. Thank You for loving me,and staying alive,I'm sorry i tried getting of you. It was a mistake,And i know you will forgive me. We are in tough times,so,you might not get everything i'd like you to have,but,we'll find a way, I'll see you when you wake up. Thank you again angels
Love,
Mommy
P.S-Welcome to the world