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So, I've been able to stop cutting for six months.

I thought, wow, I actually have this down. I'm "recovered".

Then yesterday came and everything completely falls out from under me. My EX step-dad (for the moment) came over and then I had to play my little role. I sit in around him and my mom and laugh and force a smile and talk to them and act like everything is perfect. Because in this house, anything against this terrible man(if you could even call him that) is Taboo. SO I have my role played perfectly, you can't even tell that on the inside I'm screaming to the top of my lungs just praying for the chance to escape into my world where nothing matters and my mind goes blank. So when he leaves the first thing I do is run to the bathroom and throw 6 months right out the window. And f I'm being honest with myself I lovedddd it. I missed it and that scares me. I want to stop this addiction but the other part of me feels like it's the only thing I have. I've tried all the little distractions and it does not work. -sigh- I feel like I'm crazy. Normal ppl don't get pure pleasure and escape everything from cutting themselves. I've never really fit into the "normal" life anyways so I guess it's cool. I just don't know what step I should take next or which one I want to take....