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Online journal... yes, you can read this, its okay with me. February 17, 2010

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Dear online journal,

I was always easily angered. As a littlie, I was bullied every single day, just for being who I am. But I never ever thought about SI until now....

It  started in September 2009. Ninth grade was going along rather uneventfully, until Roberta happened. She tore my boyfriend away from me, and tore my best friend from me as well. Not a day would pass when I didn't feel angry or upset about everything Roberta said or did that made me angry. Then it was no longer just her... it was everyone else in my class too. I sank into yet another depression, this one being worse than the other ones i have had. I don't really think I planned on cutting myself, but I found myself holding a pair of scissors in my hand. At first, I was just scratching doodles on my wrist. Those doodles turned into angry lines. Later, the scissors went from scratching to making really light cuts. Then the scissors disappeared, and turned into a broken razor. I cut whenever i felt bad. I stopped for about a month, but resumed after feeling incredible impulses to SI. Then, the razor turned into an exacto-knife blade. It is now February. I have been SI'ing for 5 months now. I dont plan on stopping anytime soon though, despite what my friends have told me.

There are more in depth reasons, but I cannot possibly tell them right now....

Until later Online journal,

Seanna.

The Author

randomchick Blog entry published by 1 year ago ()

Comments

In reply to kjb21

hey thanx. it seems we have more in common than we may have thought. maybe thats why the site was created. But anyway, good luck in therapy, and i hope thigs start looking up for you <3

*hug*

I'm not like this, I can't keep on like this.

kjb21 (not verified)

you are absolutely welcome!

you're welcome:) alot of people have many things in common on here. it's amazing. and thank you!

*hugs back* take care.

kjb21 (not verified)

im sorry. im sorry your

im sorry. im sorry your depression has come this far. i would not wish this on anyone. i wish you luck figuring everything out. but know that i understand. i have been cutting myself for about a year and a half. im also in the ninth grade. it's hard isn't it? well recently my family found out and have put me into therapy sessions once a week. im getting better slowly. i still want to cut myself all the time. so i understand about your urges. alot of the time i don't want to give it up either, no matter what my family says. but im learning to deal in other ways. it takes time, but maybe you'll be able to figure things out soon. i hope so. but if not, try not to be to ashamed of you SI. right not it is the only way you know to cope. and sometimes that's ok. again, i wish you luck:)

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