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It's Killing Me Inside

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Okay, so I know I just posted a blog the other day, but I just have to get this out.

I kind of liked this guy. And was on the verge of really liking him. But my friend...well, he kissed her, she kissed him back. And that she liked him. She knew I liked him. She felt terrible and apologized to me for it. I told her it was fine that I would be okay. Well, the truth is, it wasn't bothering me then. Well, it was, but  not as much as it is now.  Because I saw on facebook yesterday, that they were in a relationship now. And it's killing me inside. I can't tell her though. She's my friend. I don't want her to not be happy. you know?

Plus, her ex who she'd gone out with for a year just told her that no one could ever love her more than he could. Her ex is an, excuse my language, ASSHAT! He doesn't love her and never did (in my opinion). She knows how big of a jerk he is. I want to beat him with a shovel. She told me she wants to rip his arm off and beat him with that.

Anyway, I guess it's just that I don't think I'm ever going to find a decent guy. And honestly, this whole situation is killing me. I don't know if I want to cut or not, I'm just dying inside. If that's possible. If I die inside anymore, I may turn into a walking zombie or something.

So, thank you for reading this, whoever you are. And please reply. Because honestly, I don't know what to do :(

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Blog entry published by 1 year ago ()

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The Incorrigible The Incorrigible

I agree

1 year () (Permalink)

Ive been on both sides of the mirror. Ive been wanted and i have wanted. Ive dealt and recieved much pain, im stil feeling the aftermath. Autopsy is right, and i dont have much of a place to give you advice either, but- wow i just realiozed its you hannah, huh i must seem like a stalker now :/- any way but if you have faith in anything. have faith in yourself, no one can make you happy, not until you make yourself happy.

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Rockerchic17

wow. okay. so thanks so much

1 year () (Permalink)

wow. okay. so thanks so much for the advice. :) And I may have lost the friend but it was only because I was honest :(
Oh well, life happens, right? if that's how i really felt, then i wouldn't feel like crying myself to sleep right now :( wow. i feel so stupid.

"Now, don't pretty please me.You're not making it easy to slow me down. It's no wonder I'm not eating & I'm not sleeping."

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autopsy_girl autopsy_girl

Don't think that you'll never

1 year () (Permalink)

Don't think that you'll never find a decent guy. You have PLENTLY of time ahead of you, and yes, it gets extremely frusterating and lonely, but I'm sure you're still young, and you have a lot of time to discover new people and new relationships. Don't forget that.

I know how you feel, I really do. Three years of my life were dedicated to one of my best guy friends who I am still in love with, but for two of those years, I had to watch my supposively close friend dangle him in front of me. It was the biggest torture I have ever gone through, and during that time I had tried to commit suicide multiple times because my feelings and the entire situation were wayy over my head. In the end, I ended up daiting him for about 2 months, then found out he was cheating on me. So in all, we may have had the best times in the world when we were together, but the pain of it all was excrutiating.

I think that when you're young, you can get so caught up with someone, that you let them ruin your life. But at the same time, you don't want to let go of them, so you hold onto every last shred of hope that something will happen between you and that person. It sucks the life out of you, it forces you to hate yourself, and it's very painful. I don't really think I have the authority to give you good advice on this, because when I went through it, it didn't go well. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

I hope this helps.

If you ever need anything, you can message me.

No one cares if your back is bleeding, they're concerned with their hair receding. -
AFP

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Rockerchic17

Thank you so much :)

1 year () (Permalink)

Thank you so much. You helped me a lot. And I think I may have lost this friend. And I feel really horrible, and useless, and worthless and stupid right now. :( But I really want to thank you. You really helped me a lot :)

"Now, don't pretty please me.You're not making it easy to slow me down. It's no wonder I'm not eating & I'm not sleeping."

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