Today I was struck by something. It felt like a wave of panic, fear, and uncertainty. I wanted to go home. I left my house in a car and had a panic attack, wanting only to go back to the comfort and familiarity of my home. It doesn't make sense to me. Why do I have these freak moments of paranoia and worry? It could be the drugs. The mood changers. The personality dampeners. I felt so hazy, so foggy. Nothing felt real or worth looking at, smelling, touching. It was all blurry. It was all dull and bleak and boring. Everything bored me. Nothing caught my attention, caught my thoughts, caught my heart...I was merely existing as a body with a beating heart and a pulsing brain. My skin was tingling, muscles numb and tense, the moon shining down onto my pale, hollow face and speaking to me, reaching to me for life, breathe, love. Thank goodness at the end of the day, the numbness and inability to feel gets overtaken by my little, shiny friend.