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the creative team lol

work drives me crazy,,,,,, company meeting and im thinking about the shiny relief i have clutched in my hand the whole time im speaking. am so ashamed that i just lie and laugh about it.  sometimes i think i should try a new profession.. so useless when im addicted to the abuse.  

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Skye Blog entry published by 1 year ago ()

gone for awhile, never far away

what is recovery anyway? a stretch to reach a point of normality, im not fucking normal, i lie to myself everyday. can't find an end

skye

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Skye Blog entry published by 1 year ago ()

judgements

The judgements that follow,,,,, sigh.................... through days of investigation, interrogation the arrows all pointing to scars on my wrists. People want to understand, but never listen. People want to describe why? but have no idea what are the true reasons. I hear archaic ideals of "seeking attention" ........... sigh again ,,,, im sitting in the room, but not included in my own actions or reasons. "I feel compartimentalized" I can't figure out why my reasons and secrecy are not taken into consideration. I'm thinking I keep these parts of my life totally hidden, i dont bare my scars and feelings looking for critique. always taking care to wear clothes, or jewelry to cover my old and new feelings. Someone catches the hint of a light piece of discolored skin under a sleeve one day, and everyone feels that its necessary to pry into my feelings. Never in there face, never in the conversation, and now its on the tip of everyones tongue. Who cares about the people that go out and deal with there feelings with drugs/alcohol, parties, abusing there wives/husbands or whatever other means they feel is necessary, but go unnoticed. Read more »

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Skye Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

blades, SHINY SHINY, stinging, burning, smiling, emotional,,,,,,, .................. nothing

always so happy, so excited, the second before. "gonna let it all out" im pissed, so fucking pissed. "so shiny and attractive" it always helps. then nothing. Tearing through the paths of all the previous scars. the first sight of crimson sparks arousal, then nothing, the drips to the floor and down my arm mesmerize me. "im euphoric" ........ the hurt of nothing is gone, then nothing returns. there is no stopping, the addiction is too great. "I want this to?" the mirror doesnt lie, my arms are destroyed, and I feel no better, but i can't stop. so shiny, all this nothing.

Skye

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Skye Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

inferiority

i've been caught in a craze for the last few weeks. My first real post here since i moved from my previous SI site. I can't stop the cutting. am fully triggered and off. cutting no less than five stripes per day. this has been the routine for close to a month now. my wrists are a total mess, scar on top of scar on top of scar. I can't wear anymore bracelets in fear of drawing more attention to the area that is already apparent. am so frustrated and i can't get a handle on myself. i've nvr travelled outside the areas of my usual addiction which are my wrists, but the idea is presenting itself in my mind over and over, wanting to go deeper, longer.
My life is very public, "hmm maybe i should say highly public" some ppl know, and that isnt the point i suppose. maybe its the stress, not sure, but i feel like im driven to make this craze such a reality that the only way i can deal with anything is with the further destruction of myself. my feelings of inferiority. is so fucked. i won't tell the ones around me that are the closest, that all my demons are sitting at the table and hanging out with me on a full time basis. My Si is out of control and ana no better. Read more »

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Skye Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

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