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The judgements that follow,,,,, sigh.................... through days of investigation, interrogation the arrows all pointing to scars on my wrists. People want to understand, but never listen. People want to describe why? but have no idea what are the true reasons. I hear archaic ideals of "seeking attention" ........... sigh again ,,,, im sitting in the room, but not included in my own actions or reasons. "I feel compartimentalized" I can't figure out why my reasons and secrecy are not taken into consideration. I'm thinking I keep these parts of my life totally hidden, i dont bare my scars and feelings looking for critique. always taking care to wear clothes, or jewelry to cover my old and new feelings. Someone catches the hint of a light piece of discolored skin under a sleeve one day, and everyone feels that its necessary to pry into my feelings. Never in there face, never in the conversation, and now its on the tip of everyones tongue. Who cares about the people that go out and deal with there feelings with drugs/alcohol, parties, abusing there wives/husbands or whatever other means they feel is necessary, but go unnoticed. But the birds of prey descend on the girl that is quiet, works two jobs, rarely abscent, goes home to her boyfriend and tries to stay away from office gossip. Today im not at work, the stress is too much, I can't stop throwing up. They tell me I need preventative help for my actions, even though the debauchery abound is not worth even a batted eye. They ask me why I never smile? and why do I never want to trust any of them? my only response is trust is earned never given. I know im spilling this blog like a little girl whose been scolded. I feel so embarassed, not ashamed by any means, but incredibly violated. The prejudice I feel and felt is unbearable. I'm very aware of the judgements people are capable of displaying, but sometimes just sometimes I can't believe how disgustingly low some people can go.

Skye