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Mistake

A little over a year ago I was with my two friends
Being us, we were huddled in a corner,
Of course up to no good.
We concluded what we were.
One girl, a suprise.
The other, an accident.
And me...
I was a mistake.
That is how i see myself.
It doesn't bother me to think this
Because nothing in life is planned.
Many things a person does could be considered a mistake.
My conception was unplanned,
My infancy-far from peaceful.
My childhood....was full of ups and downs.
Adolescence: is my cruelest dream,
It is my reality.
Knowing that I was a mistake,
Has taught me that they are just a part of life.

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Tori Turmoil Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

Heels Over Head

I got in a fight today.
Not a verbal battle,
But a physical combat.
I didn't get hurt (sadly).
However, someone else did.
Quite bad,
I flung them off my arm and they
Fell.
Down concrete stairs.
I watched it all
And found a sick enjoyment in it.
I afraid this is going to be my new thing.
Instead of being suicidal,
Becoming homicidal.
Is it really considered insane to love
The look of a deep incision?
Because i'm head over heels
Or heels over head, haha.
Someone was sent to the hospital over me,
And i don't regret a thing.
Someone please try to get me back to reality.
I don't know what's wrong and whats right.
I don't know why its not left and right
Or wrong and good.
Right was the direction she went flying...
Down.
Down..
Down...
Maybe when she returns,
She will be at my level of low
And I can finally have someone to relate to.

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Tori Turmoil Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

Knowledge

I want to know.
I need to know,
But i'm afraid.
Fear.
I don't even know why that's an emotion.
A common emotion.
A daily routine.
So noting the unimportance of Fear,
I will use the word scared.
I am not scared because I don't know,
I am scared because I don't want them to know.
So now,
Do I do it?
Sign it,
My death wish.
Will they know before I do?
Hope not.
If they do,
I will die.
Suicide.
No,
Murder.
Or a fine mix of the two.

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Tori Turmoil Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

Comprehension

To cave or not to cave?
That is the question.
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer key.
Only time will tell.
Only, time won't tell.
This is a situation where you can't grill the clock.
It won't talk,
Only, Tock.
With all these nonsense replies,
I'm getting Ticked
Because I don't understand.
I guess I finally see my
Parents' perspective.

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Tori Turmoil Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

One of Those Days?

I woke up this morning in a bad mood
With an itching for flesh.
I immediately knew today wouldn't get any better unless I self-injure,
Something I gave up a couple months ago.
I continue on with my day in a bad mood
With my endless thoughts screaming into my skull.
I get in an argument with my parents.
The last thing they said to me was "Why can't we get along like we did a couple months ago?"
I shook my head at their ignorance.
They want me to stop cutting and be in a good mood and not argue with them?
Talk about a double standard.
I am thinking of how I could make a weapon out of everything I set my eyes on.
I've been doing this all day.
I have a feeling I am going to cave sometime soon.
I don't think I can put it off much longer,
My endurance is getting thin.
Maybe it's just one of those days.

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Tori Turmoil Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()

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