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this is my first time ever writing a blog, so i am very new to this. so heres a little backround on me: i am 32 (well in a cpl days)  yr old woman who seems to have a decent life (not wanting for much cuz i work my butt off). ive been cutting since i was 15. i couldnt take it anymore. i waited 3 years to inform anyone bout me being raped (so nobody believed me), my parents were getn a divorce (and dad made sure he told me all the time it was because of me). it seemd as everything was happening all at once. my dad said i wantd attention: NOT THE CASE AT ALL!!! i found that cutting helps release me of what im feeling.  i come on the site every night and read blogs to c if itd help me at all. idk what to do right now. its the end of day 8 "clean" and bout to throw it all away. just when i think i am getting my life all in order. idk why it seems as the littlest things can get me in this mood. a couple of my closest friends said call whenever..if u need me call..but i rarely do. i was brought up to not share my feeling and my problems are just that..my problems. ill call but never say whats really on my mind. i cant get these thots out of my head tonight. i dont want to throw 8 days away. im trying so hard! there are days that idk if anybody cares. my phone lies silent & i get upset "nobody loves me" ...maybe its me i gotta learn to love. for now ive gotta get back to work..