I get when i wake up, i'm loveing it more and more each time.

I know i shouldn't but its hard. I don't know how to tell you so you can understand?

It's like now my mind has taken over me. Telling me what to do. I can't eat, you'll become fat if you do, it's i SIN, starvation will make you beautiful. That's all i think about now. Can't get it out of my head.

Believe me i've tried many times to stop, but when i start eating this fears comes over me. Like if i eat it i'll die and i hate that feeeling. It's like someone is wishpering in my ear all the bad things that will happen if i take one more bite.

I really want to tell someone, but i don't wan to put them threw that pain again. I feel like all did was let them down again...

I know it's not right to like the sound of your own belly scearming at you to eat something... but i do and when my legs give out... i smile. I know it's werid to like the idea of meself growing thin and weak but i love it. And growing old that scares me the most.

I mean i don't want to die...but getting old isn't something i want to do. I think to die young and thin would be the most beautiful death for me but i don't want to die. Read more »

I knew she would never understand.
She's the type that just has to know everything, she thinks she knows whats wrong with you, she's the type that thinks if she gets mad and tells you what she thinks you'll listen.

       I can see why its hard for her to understand why i didn't tell her. I mean she was really mad. In a way she knew,but I guess no two cutters are the same. 

She still cuts and i don't. She has no secerts but i do. She'll have a better furture then i do.
She the type that never stays the same.

I know its hard for her to think of me dead before her. But i don't like the idea of growing old and ugly. I just can't. I'll try and be normal for a bit and pertend the food i'm eating really stays in my belly, but at the end it dosen't and i still hate the idea of growing up.
To me anywhere over 30 is ugly, scary, just not normal. For me anyway. Read more »

I was talking to my friend who has known about my cutting for about 4 weeks.  She ask me what age I started cutting at. I told her the day before my 12th brithday. She looked at me with shocked, and said " 11!! That's way too young to cut! Your fourteen and that's still to young! You should at least be sixteen when you cut!"

Which got me thinking...

1. Why would you even care what age I cut at?
2. Was I to young when I started cutting?
3. If not what would be a young age to start cutting at?
4. Do you belive you should be sixteen when you cut?

I myself answered this question on one of Gabrille posts, What age did you started cutting at?

I gave my answer to find that most of the people answered 12 to 15. Which surpirsed me cause that is what my firend said where your to young to cut. I also googled it to, to find that most thrid world countrys and USA have teens and kids who cut ,SI or SH at younger ages every year.

For those who don't know SI stands for Self-Injurers and SH stands for self-harm. Read more »