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The last couple days I've tried to put my life in perspective..What am I doing with my life? Where am I headed? What are my plans for the future? So many questions running through my head..its like a never ending hamster wheel...No rest, No peace, Nothing. I've taken a step back and realized I've let depression and SI'ing rule my life lately, the depression for the most part. I've let it invade my soul and rest and grow and control everything about my life..I may put on a nice facade for everyone else like I'm happy go lucky but deep inside I know its not fooling many people anymore. I tried the drugs and they made me super sick so I cant go that route. I've talked to people who say that diet and exercise can help me and I really think they just might do that. All I have to do is try. Im tired of letting depression control me with a noose around my neck I want to beat this. I want to push it back down and never let it take hold of me again. I want my life back, I want my happiness back, I want to feel free again. I want my scars to fade until they are unrecognisable for what they truely are. I need to not have that daily reminder of the darkness inside me. I can sit here and sing this until the cows come home..I know theres a difference beween talk and action and I WANT action..I am chosing to not this control me...

Maybe this should be my New Years Resolution. Something I never do, never follow through with. This will be the day when I try to keep things up try to make it better.. Not just for me but for my family, for my husband. That is my challenge to myself to over come depression, to change my life, to be better for myself and for those around me..I  will never forget my past but i will try to move on from it because thats what I need in life..

This is my time to try to do this..Im a month late on the game but it really is better late than never..My resolution begins now.