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Printer-friendly versionAfter three strikingly long weeks, I finally got to see my therapist. I have been seeing her for almost three months (wow. Time flies.) and not yet told her of my SI. Part of the reason includes the fear of abandonment, which, at the moment, sounds irrational. None of my many therapist have rejected me (at least I don't think so), so why this feeling? Who knows. Just a little apprehension when the conversation seems to be taking a step towards my SI. I'm not sure if I'm doing myself any good by keeping this from her.
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Blog entry published by 2 years ago ()
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I've always been afraid to
1 year () (Permalink)I've always been afraid to tell any of my therapists. I am not seeing one right now even tho I promised my school counsellor I would stick with this one. I'm not sure if that is something they report and I can't have my mom finding out about it...
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I understand your fear. Right
1 year () (Permalink)I understand your fear. Right now I am seeing a different therapist and I told her about my SI on our second session. Unlike my last therapist, she asked me, not to quit, but if I wanted to quit SI'ing. I believe the only reason they would have to tell your mom would be if they believe you are in grave danger, but even then, if you're over 18, they can't do much about it. Talking about it has really helped me. I hope you can find enough trust in your future therapist (if you plan on seeing one) to tell her/him about your SI. It would be a good idea to ask her/him how they deal with SI beforehand.
Good luck :)
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Your not alone on this
2 years () (Permalink)Your not alone on this Harbor. I'm 21 and I've been seeing therapist for 12 years now but I just told my current therapist last appointment that I self injure. I've been seeing this therapist for over a year now and he's a great guy to talk to but it took the help of a dear friend in order for me to open up about that. And I'm not saying this to scare you but it killed me when I told him because of his reaction. I told him I'm a self injurer and he went about asking he the basic questions on why I do it. Some of the questions I couldn't answer because I wasn't ready to talk about them yet but one of the questions made me feel more worthless then trash. He asked me when I started self injuring and I told him 4. Instantly after that he did a double take and repeated the question. I answered back 4 and he about fell out of his chair. I know he didn't mean any offense by his actions but seeing that from someone that is trained to deal with stuff like this truly makes you feel lower then trash. Regardless I opened this topic to him so I'm sure I'll have to continue with it but hopefully I'll be able to see the bright side of opening up to him someday.
I truly hope Harbor that when your ready you can open up to your therapist and see the benefits of opening up to her. Take care and have a good day!
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I'm sorry your experience
2 years () (Permalink)I'm sorry your experience with your therapist wasn't a good one, but now that you have opened that door, things will probably run a little smoother. A week after I wrote this entry, I "accidentally" told her I cut, but it didn't go on much beyond that. That was several months ago, and till now we have not spoken of it again. Whenever I mention blood or anything hinting SI, the silence in the room grows. She doesn't say anything. It makes me feel like a freak. But this coming session I will try to talk to her about it. Thank you, I hope your next session goes better :)
Good day to you too!
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I did that too. My last
2 years () (Permalink)I did that too. My last counsler I had, it took me 3 sessions to finally say, "Oh, I know I should have told you this before, but I cut myself."
I know it's a counsler and they are supposivley so supportive and everything, but I was ashamed. I am ashamed to tell people that I self injure.
Just... try to tell her. I know that's easier said than done obviously, but try.
Even if you just have to say it completely out of the blue. Explain to her what you said on here about you not telling her because you're scared of abandonment and I'm sure that'll help even more because she probably doesn't know you have a fear of abandonment yet either.
Good luck!
No one cares if your back is bleeding, they're concerned with their hair receding. -
AFP
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Thank you :) This entry was
2 years () (Permalink)Thank you :)
This entry was written a while back, it was a week after this that I told her I cut. Then I continued talking, and at the very end she asked me the standard questions about cutting but still I couldn't tell her enough. Since then we haven't spoken of it. I will try to talk about it next session. If you don't mind me asking, how did your counselor react when you told him/her? And yeah, I completely understand about feeling shame. It's horrible. I hope you're doing well :)
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Its like a game
2 years () (Permalink)First, I apologize before I start. What I am writing might make no sense whatsoever..... yet another drunken night.
When it comes to my SI and therapy, I sometimes think its like a game. I dont want t talk about it, but I know I have to. So, I amke my therapist ask me about ti. I just like leave answers open for interpretation, so she always thinks its SI... the sad part is that shes always right. but i make it that wayu. that way, you are not really bring it up, but still getting to tlak about it. idk... it works for me.
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hmmm...
2 years () (Permalink)hmmm...well i hope you figure it out. i don't talk to my therapist about my SI either. she knows about it but i can't talk about it for some reason.
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has she ever tried to bring
2 years () (Permalink)has she ever tried to bring it up? I think maybe the therapist bringing it up would make it a bit easier, for me at least. But thank you, I hope so too.
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oh yes. she tries to bring it
2 years () (Permalink)oh yes. she tries to bring it up all the time. im just to afraid to talk still. and you're welcome:)
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