I haven't cut in awhile. a long while. Being honest, I miss it. I miss seeing them throughout my body. I miss them calming me down on those nights I just needed to be held. I miss being able to release everything running through my mind. I can't risk it though. I can't risk them seeing and being treated like a freak again.I ache for it though.. Everytime I feel bad I get up and walk towards where they're hidden an stop. I regret it everytime. I just want to pick them up and let them kiss my flesh again. Take me back to that sweet place of peace for a moment. I want more than anything to just not need it. Not need this thing to get me through the hard times in life. Its ridiculous. I let this run my life and its ruined it. I'm alone other than 2 friends and my Boyfriend and I have to hide it still so I don't lose them as well... If they ever left. I'd leave this all too. I'd let this depression consume me and take me down to hell. Im not afraid of suicide anymore. Im not afraid of anything.