I started self harming at an early age. To say it had a lot to do with my childhood would probably be an accurate depiction. I dont even remember the first time i did it surely it was no more than first grade.. The kids on the bus and i would like to make temporary tattoos with any sharp objects we could find. At the time i saw nothing wrong with this behavior, but as a i got older it grew apparent just how big of a hole i had gotten myself into..
I remember being angry one day, the reason escapes me now but i think it was from being kept up another night by my drunken father angrilly slamming his fists into my mom and brother. I was so angry and upset and hurt that day i took a pair of scizzors and spun them as fast as i could around my fingers. A flash of pain and suddenly i felt better. thats when my self harm began in earnest.
Every day after school I would take out my scissors on the bus and repeat my ritual it got to the point that every single one of my fingers had multiple red rings but i was still craving something more. At that point i think is when i got addicted to the pain. That flash and then my numbness would subside. How i escaped anyone knoticing my cuts i dont know... maybe some did knotice and didnt know what to do so they did nothing, personally i would prefer to think that they just were too caught up in ther own drama filled lives to notice a strange little girls decent. Read more »