I think I'm finally realizing why I cant get any work done ever or accomplish anything. And its because all the days are exactly the same, and I have lost track of time. I swear, if I didnt have to write the date on everything at school, I wouldnt even know what day it was.

There are two types of days; A days and B days.

On A days, it is the usual. First period STEM Chemistry, Study Hall, Geography, and then Lit & Comp II. When I get home from school I got to my room, fix myself a small snack since I skipped lunch, and go to bed. I wake up at 9 pm and start work. I only work on B day stuff on A days.

Then its B days. First period Alegbra I, Study Hall, Biology, and then Spanish 3. When I get home from school it is the exact same routine. Except I only work on A day stuff on B days.

This whole systematic cicle is repetitive and boring and I cant take it anymore.

We are receiving a bunch of final projects, and next week it is crammed high with tests. We havent even started finals yet and I already cant take it.

I dont know what I am going to do in the summer.

Sometimes I just feel nothing. Empty, lonely, alone and just nothing. At times I just feel that I'm a body on this planet but I'm not really here. 

I feel that everyone just is living life and I'm just sitting watching and no one can see me or anything. 

Struggling at the moment about how my ex boyfriend treated me. We have not been together for like 10 months however I hid so much about what he did to me and now it's killing me. He has made it hard for me to like boys but think now I'm a little more ready. 

I don't know what's going on for me right now. Just feel lost within myself. 

Hope your all going well

Everytime there is a mention of self harm, my Mum makes a joke or makes it clear that it disgusts her.
The very first time I dragged a piece of glass across my wrist, I freaked out. I went downstairs to clean it up and I'd just had a huge argument with my Mum and she asked me what was wrong. I broke down and started crying hysterically, showing her my wrist. She started crying and told me never to do that to myself ever again, that I was silly. 
Then nearly two summers ago, my Mum saw my new cuts. I'd been self harming for four years and she never even realised. She just asked me if I'd been cutting and I said yes, she told me not to do it again. That was it. No asking me why or telling me I needed to speak to someone or that I should probably go back to the doctors and go back on the anti depressants. None of that.I honestly felt like she didn't give a fuck. And now anytime she sees my scars, she makes the effort to tell me they're awful and that they look disgusting. Don't get me wrong, I don't go flashing them around, but I'm not afraid to have my thighs on show, let people fucking see my scars. I went through hell and back and if I have some scars on my legs to show it, I ain't gonna cover them up in the roaring sun in the summer. I don't give a shit what people think about me, especially people who don't know me, but one person whos judgement does matter to me is my Mum.  Read more »

I have not been able to sleep well at all these last 3 weeks, its almost 3:05 am and my mind is still racing. 

    Ever since the crap with my bf, my sleeps ben terrible, its never been great but before all this I had finally started to get in a almost OKAY sleeping pattern , Now im up til 5am and waking up at 8 when he comes in from work in the morning. Im stressing.... 

I dont think I can make him happy anymore, I dont think that he truly wonts me anymore. I feel like a burden, this feelings haven't sent me down a damn dark path before. I can't stray there again....   

I cant talk to my best guy friend who's now gone into the army, it really sucks, he was/is the kind of person who will give advice and not try to be sucky up nice about it, he lets you kno straight foward how it is. I use to talk to him about practily everything, even admit to him I had a food problem. He has never judged.  Read more »