My Dad is a Pastor.
The church as always wanted me to be some kind of "leader." They think I'm such a strong person, and a good example. What if they knew I'm really weak? What if they knew all the ways I have failed?
Over. and over again.
Sometimes, I try to pray about it. I don't blame God for the things that have happened. But I blame myself for not being strong enough. I did so many stupid things trying to just BE HAPPY. I hurt myself, because when I did, I felt like I WAS in control. I hurt others emotionally, because I still wanted to be in control of everything.
Everyone thinks I'm some amazing Christian. Even my family thinks I am. I even thought I was strong. But I broke. Now I don't know how to forgive myself, even if other people can :(