Why don't my parents get it I've been arguing about joing the army for at least 4 years and have been arguing even more about this since this year started. And we had another argument during class again the last few days its been like this but today he starts saying shit making it seem like he gives a damn about what happens to me and that he doesn't want me to go off to war and die. Truth is he doesn't want to lose his damn punching bag he doesn't want to see become something he could never think of being in his whole life.

Just because he chose not to do something more with his life and blame me like it was all my fault that they became abusive alcoholic and addicted to drugs and poping pills every hour of the day. I'm sorry I'm tired of there abuse and telling athority has always turned out with me almost dead or being drowned until I was dead and have them do CPR on me to bringe back. I'm sobtired of some people telling me no matter what I'm suppouse to love my parents for the life they gave me only if they knew my story would they think twice? But they don't and most of those who do have turned there back away from the truth from the abuse that's so odvise is going. Read more »

I stand and fight for this life covered in scars no one knows the fright I have to face every night when I had to lie awake so I don't break. In the fear that this might be my mistake to stay silent and walk away from this unspoken pain. That stays hidden away from my life as people say I don't know what pain is but stay silent about the truth I hide about my secret life of tourture. What they don't know is that I understand the pain they feel so much better then they believe I know pain I just don't plain on telling people. My story about my life the pain I keep inside may tear me apart but those sad glances I already get from people. Who knows so little about my problem they don't know how munch it hurts me when they look at me. With those sad faces I'm tourtured enough by my past I don't need there sad faces tourturing my memory. Others have already done a good job at that people don't know what haunts my mind. I don't know if I'll always keep everyone locked out of my life but I'll try to open up a broken heart maybe one day I'll find people who except me for who I am and all my scars that come with my life.

Time doesn't heal every scar but I hope one day the mental scars will at least fade a little bit and not haunt my every waking hour that keeps me from sleeping.

This is my second post for songs that cut me deep. My first one was

All Our Bruised Bodies and the Whole Heart Shrinks - La Dispute 

and this is one is also by La Dispute. His lyrics are just so real to me. I feel like he's reading and singing from my own mind. I can connect with his words and they're my favorite band this month, so I will probably suggest a few more of my favorites from them. :x 

To me, hearing and reading the lyrics at the same time helps grasp the point they make in the song with also capturing their emotion throughout. 

This song is called A Letter - La Dispute

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nURcsUg9So

(^ Link to the song)

Comment on what you think of the song! 

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Everybody wants a reason for everything.

It’s so much easier with someone or something to blame.

I’ve always struggled at the root of the problem.

Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense?

I’ve never spent a lot on finding a remedy.

I guess I figured that it hurt for a reason.

I guess that’s why I’ve always turned to writing it down.

Not just in stories, but the letters in between.

And I guess that’s why it haunts the pages of everything - to self-examine.

  Read more »

I don't even have the nerve to write up a list. From 10-1 in a month. I get a great contract job, it expires, but I do such great work that I am called up for an interview upstairs. I get that job, and 3 days into training, I get sick. Supposedly with pneumonia. My leg has been slightly sore since November... it gets worse with the pneumonia, so I spend 2 days at the clinic and am sent to the ER to get tested for a blood clot since leg pain and chest pain/breathing problems go hand in hand. Results are negative. Can't work for 10 days. Pain gets worse, and after 3 different tests, 4 hospital visits, and a month off work and now I'm in crutches the pain is so severe.  Read more »