“I hear so many stories about how we need to suffer. We need to feel pain to live, to grow, to become stronger. But everytime  I need pain, everytime I break my promise I feel like I’m dying,  I see the blood I feel like I’ve gone back to the start and when the sting eventually comes I’ve never felt so weak, not because I cut myself but because I didn’t have the strength not to.”

I relapsed without thinking, just angry, then sad and numb. It's my own fault for getting to this point. My reasons are worthless and attepts pitiful. Just as I finally pull myself out, talk to kind people, try some sort of hobby, I get pushed back in that hole. I'm running out of availabe space that can be easily hid.

I'm about to dissapoint people who really care. I don't feel bad or regret it, I only wish I'd been stronger, or more intelligent in doing this. I'm tired of fucking up, and fighting, and struggling. My boyfriend issues are far worse than mine, but he's so hurtful. I'm too fragile when it comes to him. I'm already low, does he have to kick me lower?

Maybe I deserve to be here, for past sins of some sort. His pain is worse, perhaps its my punishment for not being able to compare. None of my problems are as bad, I'm just selfish and feel they are in the moment. I don't have the right to feel down. And I've lost my appettite again, for two days now. There's bearly any food as it is. Read more »