Weird. Sullen. Remorseful. Curious. Timid. Alone. Eager. Competitive. That's me. And I somehow can't change.
I think I'm crazy.
Not like "fun" crazy. But problematic crazy.
I believe I have multiple disorders that I don't know about.
I'm a closeted lesbian.
In love with a girl.
I learned about self injury from a family member's friend. I had done it before, but I was unaware that it was actually self injury. I had only done punching, which left bruises. But when I had uncovered the real meaning of self injury, I was anxious.
I don't know why.
But someone came along in my life.
And I know I can't have that person.
And that triggered everything.
Until now, there's a blade sitting on my bedside table.
Just in case.
My family's Catholic.
But I'm not sure if I am.
Now, I'm in middle school. But I do wish I'm not.
I wish I could skip the teenage part of my life.
I want to rewind from when I was just a child. I want to be careless again. I want to laugh again. I don't want to be afraid.
Or fast forward to me being an adult. Being able to do what I please. Being in control.
Long story short, I don't want to be me.
I'd be anyone but me.