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Weird. Sullen. Remorseful. Curious. Timid. Alone. Eager. Competitive. That's me. And I somehow can't change.

I think I'm crazy.

Not like "fun" crazy. But problematic crazy.

I believe I have multiple disorders that I don't know about.

I'm a closeted lesbian.

In love with a girl.

I learned about self injury from a family member's friend. I had done it before, but I was unaware that it was actually self injury. I had only done punching, which left bruises. But when I had uncovered the real meaning of self injury, I was anxious.

I don't know why.

But someone came along in my life.

And I know I can't have that person.

And that triggered everything.

Until now, there's a blade sitting on my bedside table.

Just in case.

My family's Catholic.

But I'm not sure if I am.

Now, I'm in middle school. But I do wish I'm not.

I wish I could skip the teenage part of my life.

I want to rewind from when I was just a child. I want to be careless again. I want to laugh again. I don't want to be afraid.

Or fast forward to me being an adult. Being able to do what I please. Being in control.

Long story short, I don't want to be me.

I'd be anyone but me.