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It Is oh so easy to slip into it,

To pick it up and cradle it as if it actually held an answer,

To place it infront of me and contemplate throwing it away,

Fight a war with myself then give up,

'Just a break.' I whisper,

Who needs to win the war anyway ? Im not strong enough for that, I wasn't made for such things.

No point in wasting my time.

Oh,

Oh, it is so easy to talk myself back into this,

Its so easy to convince myself That I can stop, that I can put it down and Walk away without it.

No, never.

'I dont need a war.' I will whisper to myself,

This is black paint across the white of my skin.

I can cover the paint up, so easily

'Stupid paint' My mind crys out

Stupid paint. As I fall to my knees.

Stupid, stupid paint.

'I hate you.' I shall cry with a hurting heart.

But then I will reach out and take it anyway.

'I hate you.' I will think, the thought aimed right at myself.

I hate you, stupid black, stupid paint.

I hate you.

As I throw myself at something, as if it will give me an answer, as if it will make me numb.

"I hate you."

A dry sob will escape my throught, I hate you.

I will bury my head against the side of the bath tub, I hate you.

My hands I will come up, touch my face. I hate you.

My arms will wrap around me, Trying to hold the world together. I HATE YOU.

But then I will get up and take it anyway. As If It solved Everything.

Oh, I hate You.