Escape!  She must escape this familiar terror, this awful knowledge of what comes next.  She knew where her big brother`s hand went first.  Silent cries for help arose from her lips as she gasped for breath.  And his hand still came.  It advanced slowly, steadily, up under the covers and across the sheet, touching her trembling ankles.  His hand always, always crept up her legs to her thighs, across her hips, then over her heaving stomach, and finally rested between her breasts.  His hand dug down between her ribs, then drew back holding, straining, pushing aloft his victory.

     She could barely see.  The room was dark--nightfall, no moon.  She knew, felt, lived what was in his hand.  That substance, that thing of blood and pain and tears, fragments of sought-after, horribly-needed affection--pieces of her heart, held high in triumph. Read more »

I am a sixteen year old girl in a world filled to the brim with hatred. I have had my share of problems over the course of my life and I try my best not to dwell on them. I do find myself lost in the darkest places of my mind often. I just suffocate in my own depair too much. I have been bullied my entire life over stupid thing. I don't have parents and the reason is too private. They're just awful people. I have witnessed things no child deserves to ever see. I resorted to cutting in ninth grade. I am ow a junior and I never know where to stop. I'm too lost in my own agony to realize to realize that I don't deserve what I am doing to myself. No one deserved this kind of pain. Self hatred is the worst form of hatred in my opinion. It tears you open and darins your sanity like nothing else can. It takes away all self confidense and morphs it into agonizingly horrid images of you. I wish I could love myself like I love my boyfriend. I don't ever see that happening though. Don't let yourself get swallowed by your own problems to the point that they start to control your life. It's the worst kind of fear. Fearing yuorself. I never know what I am going to do to myself next. I hope I can muster the strength to end all of this before I hurt someone I love deeply. That's all I want. Freedon from myself.

My name is Alyssa, I have had a self harming problem since the seventh grade. I was placed into a highly gifted program that was extremely stressful and on top of that, my parents were getting a divorce, and to add eve more, my best friend hated me! how was i supposed to deal with something like this? I didn't know how to. I remember the first day i cut myself. I was in class and it was too hrd, it was too much stress, and i felt really bad that day in general. I took my pencil, broke off the tip of the plastic and just started scratching at my wrist. it started to bleed but I liked the way the blood was, it wasn't running down my arm or anything, it wa just little dots of blood. As the year went on, my friend and i made up and I was diagnosed with depression by y doctor. It was caused by a combination of stres and sadness from my parent's divorce and school. Now that I knew what this was, I could stop rght? wrong. I continued cutting mysel until the middle of the year when my friends told a teacher about my little problem. To this day, I still don't know who, but if i ever find out, I'm going to thank them. They helped my realize that I wasn't healthy. I stopped cutting and I became happy again, masking my depression. When eighth grade came around, it was even more stressful. Read more »

So this is the first blog that I have ever written about self harm. I have been cutting myself since I was 14 and I am now 19. I was sent to a care facility when my parents found out when I was 17. It had helped me stop cutting for a while but during that time I turned to drugs, alcohol and purging. I started cutting again not even 4 months after I was released from the facility. I still turn to purging and binge drinking at times. But I have since gotten clean off drugs. I know that my depression sparks these actions. I have been to therapy several times for it but it has not helped. I have the occasional suicidal thought which scares my mom. I do not like seeing her worry like she does but I just cant help myself. The cutting is the only way I know how to deal with my issues. I have started cutting in places that are not visible so that my friends do not see them. I feel that they will not know how to deal with it. And I dont want them to feel sorry for me or worry about me and not know how to act around me. They already worry about my drinking and tend to jump my case which they dont understand that the more they push me to not drink the more I want to. However, none of my friends know about my purging. I cant help but to continue purging when everybody tells me how great I look and how some of them wish they were as thin as me. In highschool I was bullied for being chubby. And I dont want to be bullied ever again. I just dont know how I am supposed to get better, especially when I dont want to fully stop.