My story.....I don't know, I've been made fun of since I was little, can you belive that? I was a child, they would glare, whisper things, I didn't understand at the time, that everyone hated me. It got worst in school, I've always believed I don't need friend, that if I have any, I'll just hurt them and use them for my own wants, which is what I do exactly know, even if I try to stop. I don't know how to be a real friend. I am lesbian, which doesn't help. I feel in love with a girl, my best friend, she is straight, she left me five times before truly leaving my life. she acts nice to me still, over internet. I want to die, I don't know ware I went wrong, I tried to commit suicide once and I plan not to fail next time, I cut my wrist. do you understand my pain yet? do you? I am afraid of men, afraid of them hurting me, knowing that if a man decided to hurt me, to rape me, I wouldn't be able to fight back ,I am afraid because I have nightmares about it. I htink..when I was little, when those time when the only memories you have of it is dreams, I am afraid i was raped when I was little, it...is true, i can feel it, in my body, I just cant remember anymore, I was so young, do you understand my pain? do you? I cut so deeply, but no blood comes, why not? I don't understand. I need to see it to make sure I am alive. I feel numb and broken. Can't anyone help? People call me a disease, just because of whom I love, because I cut, because I starve myself because I am fat.