I made my way from Biology to fourth period English as fast as I could. I was afraid to walk alone in the hallways; I was afraid of what they would do to me. Later, there would be security guards walking me from class to class, but now, I was alone.

I sat down in my chair and shifted my head to look out the window. My English classroom had a view of construction. Lucky me. I pretended to be absolutely fascinated with it as other students filed in the room. The atmosphere went from silence to clamorous, students bubbling with conversation. Not me. I knew the brunt of the conversation was about me: Where I’d been, why I was skipping classes and leaving school grounds. Rumors that were made to make me look bad, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

The warning bell rung, symbolizing the fact that there was one minute left before the late bell. More students shuffled into the room. I felt the stares burn into me as the class settled down. By this point in the school year, I couldn’t handle the bullying I had endured since school started. I had bottled it all inside for far too long.

“Alright, everyone take out your journals and homework and complete your warm-up. We’ll go over it after I take attendance,” My English teacher said.

I acted as if I was furiously enthralled with the warm-up as I scribbled down some bs for an answer. In reality, I could care less. I was too busy replaying words I remembered, things that my closest friends had witnessed that were breaking me apart. Read more »

Hiya :3

Well, it’s a new year- congratulations on surviving this far. I’m a little drunk- not really… but just enough to be able to pull off being drunk if I decided to but obviously not too far gone if I can still type. Earlier- before I started drink, I was driving, and I have the urge to ask- or at least tell, because I know no one is going to respond to this: When I’m in a car I have the desire to open the door and just jump out, I play it over and over again in my head, but even worse I have this compelling feeling to swerve the car into oncoming traffic when I’m driving. Mostly when I know the other vehicle will do more damage to me- like if I crashed into a tracker trailer or a bus or something, does anyone else have this?

I have the memory of when I was probably 12, I was walking from the back room through the kitchen and into the living room, but while I was still exiting the back room I envisioned myself grabbing the gallon of bleach perched on the table and downing it. It all played in my head in a matter of milliseconds, but time around me seemed to stop just for it, and when time continued playing I wanted to do just that. I pretty much had to force myself to walking away. I’ve had things like this play over in my head all the time, have you? Read more »

My story.....I don't know, I've been made fun of since I was little, can you belive that? I was a child, they would glare, whisper things, I didn't understand at the time, that everyone hated me. It got worst in school, I've always believed I don't need friend, that if I have any, I'll just hurt them and use them for my own wants, which is what I do exactly know, even if I try to stop. I don't know how to be a real friend. I am lesbian, which doesn't help. I feel in love with a girl, my best friend, she is straight, she left me five times before truly leaving my life. she acts nice to me still, over internet. I want to die, I don't know ware I went wrong, I tried to commit suicide once and I plan not to fail next time, I cut my wrist. do you understand my pain yet? do you? I am afraid of men, afraid of them hurting me, knowing that if a man decided to hurt me, to rape me, I wouldn't be able to fight back ,I am afraid because I have nightmares about it. I htink..when I was little, when those time when the only memories you have of it is dreams, I am afraid i was raped when I was little, it...is true, i can feel it, in my body, I just cant remember anymore, I was so young, do you understand my pain? do you?    I cut so deeply, but no blood comes, why not? I don't understand. I need to see it to make sure I am alive. I feel numb and broken. Can't anyone help? People call me a disease, just because of whom I love, because I cut, because I starve myself because I am fat.

Started self-injuring at eleven years old.
really hate my self for so long.
recently getting better.
Some days are so hard.
I am seventeen
I love music and art and science and polotics and law. I love reading. When I can.
i am a student and hoping to start college next year.
I am Canadian.
hope I keep it up, been a couple years since cutting and severe SI.
I am me.
i am into girls.
undecided about guys.
i don't care if you have an issue with that.
i do really love people though. I want to help them even if I can't help myself.
i like watching movies.
once i was told I had borderline personality disorder. But it wasnt official. I have been hospitalized two times. Hopefully no more though. I work. I do most house work too... my parents work I have an alcoholic brother and abusive biological "dad" I play guitar. I like to write. I like horses. I like skiing. I feel like i have improved but my mental health still sucks.
i remember being totally hysterical and being pinned down. I remember endless nights of crying until sleep took me over.
i remember suicide attempts. Two. Both obviously unsuccessful. Thank goodness.
i have a suprime jealousy of any one who can believe in something greater like religion. I am not religious. Wish I was, trust me you can't help me in that aspect. Thanks to anyone who cares to read this. Pain is inevitable ... i will be okay we will all be okay
okayStay strong. Much much love.
be proud of yourself. Even if others don't understand you. I hope we all find better ways of coping than SI.

peace love & rock n' roll.
dani