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i was a fairly normal kid. quiet. i only had one friend. her name is kendell. (yeah, thats her real name. you'll see why in a bit.) she had tons of friends, but she was my only one. in 6th grade, things started changing. a bitch named kaitlyn was the queen of our 6th grade class. (this is private school dynamic by the way, so each class had maybe 15 people in it.) kaitlyn was also a cheerleader, and a 7th grade cheerleader was named beth, the same name as me. kaitlyn decided it would be useful to refer to her as "beth" and me as "the other beth" which seemed fair enough, since kaitlyn and beth were friends and kaitlyn and i were just classmates. well, the other 6th grade girls, all of whom were basically ladies-in-waiting for kaitlyn, decided it would be fun to change my name to "the less cool beth." that was the start of everything. 6th grade proceeded with me being teased. they talked about me in bathrooms, made fun of me behind my back, stuff like that. and at that time, i think i can honestly say that kendell didn't have the slightest idea what was happening. then, we went to 7th grade and joined with the junior high. kaitlyn switched schools, as did most of her followers. i thought i was safe. i was wrong. beth was still there. she was now an 8th grader, and the prettiest, most popular girl in the school. she was queen. and her main acolyte? kendell. kendell decided to balance me and beth as best friends. beth didn't like this. she didn't like sharing both her name and her position in kendell's friendship with a "less cool" person such as myself. so, she sicced all her suitors on me and basically told them to give me every bit of social death they could dish out. they all happily took it to heart. the worst was a bastard named michael. he quickly took charge of the social murdering of me. he quickly took "less cool beth" to "breath" and later "halitosis." he physically attacked me. he threw me into walls or lockers, shoved me down stairs, threw me to the ground and kicked me. he threw things at me. he told me that i was stupid, fat, ugly, nerdy, unlovable, and worthless. that was his favorite word with me. worthless. he wasn't the only one, either. there were about nine of them who picked on me on and off, four who did it consistently. and kendell? yeah, she knew about it. she heard michael hiss cruel words at me before throwing me into the nearest locker. she heard beth inform me that yes, she was having a party, and yes, everyone was invited, but my invitation was not lost in the mail, and i was not invited and would be thrown out if i showed up. did my best friend of 5 years defend me? not in the slightest. she faked blindness and defended beth and michael, saying that i was "wrong about them" and that they were "really nice people." she also called me a drama queen and said i was searching for attention. why? beth had replaced me as her best friend, and she was half in love with michael. this went on for all of seventh and eighth grade. two years i went through with this. i didn't know that if i told someone it would stop. i told my parents that i was being called "breath" and "halitosis" and my parents told me that it was character building and that "even if they could stop it, they wouldn't."  i thought i had no power. no one told me i had any power. one day, i unbent a paperclip and put held it between my thumb and forefinger, winding it slowly, driving a hole into my thumb. it was soothing. the rhythm and pain. i took it and slashed at my arms as hard and fast as i could. it helped. it was a relief. but by the end of that day, with arms, stomach and legs covered in welts, i threw away the paperclip and stopped cutting. it was addicting, and it scared me. a few weeks later, michael gathered all of the bullies and they trapped me in a tiny computer room. one by one, they all told me that i was worthless. i believed them. that night, i went into my dad's desk and stole an x-acto knife. i cut my leg for the first time. from that day in the middle of 8th grade until may over a year later, i cut pretty much every day. in may of 9th grade i stopped for a few weeks, then resumed. it's now march of 10th, and i haven't cut regularly in a few months. but it still haunts me. it will always haunt me.