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Her Scars, His Heart, Their Pain.

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The first cut was harmless, it barely left a mark. It was done with small scissors that weren't even sharp. The second cut was harmless as well, and the third, and the fourth. Those scissors had no affect. She would turn up her music loud, so she could cry and they wouldn't hear. She would look in the mirror and despise the image she saw. Yet she couldn't cut, her scissors weren't sharp enough, but she was to early into her pain to realize just how many weapons lay around her. She couldn't understand this pain that racked her body. She would cry nonstop, sometimes until she fell asleep, but then her dreams into which she hoped she could escape to, became nightmares, and her nights became restless. She would lie shaking and cold looking out the window at the silent night enclosing the world she knew. Tears would slowly trail down her beautiful face, yet she could not see her own beauty. She would feel so alone, for so very long. Until she found a pair of scissors. Their handel was blue, they were long, shiny, but most importantly....they were extremely sharp. She didn't want to cut her arms, people would see. So, she lifted her shirt, and slashed through the skin on her side multiple times. She was bleeding, lonley, and horrified at what she had done. But it felt so good. It filled up the empty. She could feel real pain instead of emotional pain. She cut every night. She called it her 'sessions.' Her trigger? Her parents. Apparently, they belived they could raise a perfect child, who got everything right, who did nothing wrong. They pressured her into having perfect grades, she was overweight slightly, so they told her she was fat and she needed to lose weight. They old her her room needed to be spotless. She had to be perfect. She was so stressed out about her life at school and being perfect, that her mind collapsed. She hurt. Her scars grew deeper. So she told him. He had loved her ever since he layed eyes on her. She was perfect, even with flaws, in his eyes. He loved her, he never wanted to see her in pain, he wanted her to smile again, but the problem was, he lived half-way across the country now. He had moved a year back. But he still loved her, he always would. When she told him about her scars, he was terrified and devistated for her. He wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be alright, but he wasn't there. She was still in pain, but when she cuts herself now, she doesn't feel so alone. I have hope now, and I love him so much. And he loves me. My story isn't much, but thats it. I still cut myself, but I am trying really hard to stop. He supports me through everything I do, accept anything to hurt myself. My parents would always call me fat, even though I'm only slightly overweight, At the time I felt like I was REALLY fat, so I stopped eating all togethar. He actually talked me out of an eating disorder though, I eat now, and I thank him for correcting my stupidity. I basically owe my life to him, if he wasn't here for me I now realize I probobly would have commited suicide quite awhile ago, but I know that killing myself would make him so upset, he might try the same thing, and I don't want him to die, so I would never carry out my suicidal thoughts. I know that every time I cut I hurt him too, so I'm trying really hard to stop. I know that he lives far away now, but he is coming for a visit, and I know that once he comes, alot of things are going to change, I don't know what exactly, I just feel it. ;) my life is his, for like the angel his soul is, he saved me from complete inner chaos. I love him with all my heart, and when I am in pain I just think of him and I start healing. Love is the true medicine for all that hurts. To all other self-injurs out there, you may not have the love I do, I know that. I know that you feel so alone, I know how that feels, I love you all. My heart belongs to him and all others that are in pain out there. Yes, you reading this, I love you, you deserve it, you deserve better than you have, you are a good person, you are perfect in your own way, and if you keep beliving even in the hardest times, you will know love. You will heal. You will be you, you are not alone, you can make it through.

I promise, just belive in your own capabilities.

The Author

Creativity - Personal Story/Recovery Story published by 2 years ago ()

Comments

thank you

i know you don't know me, but i just wanted to tell you how much what you said at the end meant to me. lately people have been kind of ignoring me, and i have just felt so alone for a while. and my self injury does not help things at all, even though sometimes it seems it does. it only ends up making things worse.
so thank you for what you said at the end, because i've really been needing to hear that for a while.

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
- Samuel Johnson

Anonymous (not verified)

wow just reading ur story

wow just reading ur story really makes me feel like ive known u and ur lik emy twin ii love the end where u say i love u to all. because i know that u dont know me and i know u really meant it u do love everyone

So many of you, your storys the same

 I can not tell you how sad the story makes me, not just you, but my friend has the same outcome as yours, sorta, so close i thought it was written to me. Holler if you want another friend, I'm too old to be a BF though..LOL.. Good Luck Yall, and him too, he's gotta be "Cool"

Izem (not verified)

Wow...

I guess there r those kinds of parents all over the world...
our stories are alike
but there isn't a guy i love
i depend on friends, they really do make great help
but there are just some things "straight" non cutters don't understand
you're really lucky to have found that special 'someone'
I'm gonna assume u live in the USA
I've moved once pretty much every two years cuz my dads work
so i dont really get a chance to attach myself to any1 or anything
Tho no one can really know your pain, not exactly anyways
Don't give up hope
GOOD LUCK with your life and your bf
:)

P.S. how old r u? I'm 13, started at 11/12.
P.P.S. that was beautifully written. <3

Laura (not verified)

This story is similar to

This story is similar to mine..
It makes me cry , we really aren't alone are we?
My friend lives in Italy.. And I live in Belgium ..
I told him that i self injured , and he was hurt . But he wanted to help me out .
It hurts more to see the ones you love dissapointed .. And then you go search for the same thing again.. To let it stop..
But if your love is stronger than your will to get a scissors or razor or whatever.. That's the best medicine , like you said.. But still .. Why do I keep doing it? Why do you keep doing it? It's like a drug .. And i promised him i would stop.. but i didn't .. and i had to tell him when i did it again.. but i don't want to see him dissapointed and hurt again.. it's really hard isn't it?
but it'll pass (: it really will.. i'm glad to read your story (: i can find myself in it .. it'll be allright , everything . yup.. just have faith right?
theh yeah ..
wish you luck (:

Moilala (not verified)

I'm happy for you, I hope you

I'm happy for you, I hope you once will stop cutting:] even though you do a few cuts. and i'm here alone and cutting, hoping for a miracle to come.

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