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I joined this site tonight as I feel I am on the edge. I trawled the 'net' looking for something.

I couldn't find it. I still haven't. So I am typing this instead, for now.

I haven't self injured for 12 years. Apart from a slight scratch 4 years ago, and I mean a slight scratch. Oh, ok, 4 years then. But I really don't count that. I didn't even need a plaster.

Before that, my self injuring was intense, 12 years ago, but only lasted about 2 years.

I'm not sure how many stitches I had, or how many times I ended up taking myself to A and E. I don't even have a reason for it.

Right now I am in a self destruct mode. I want to run away and ruin myself.

I don't know what else to say.

Maybe I can read this later and reason with myself as to why I should not run. It would be easy to just do that and not give a damn about anyone.

Get ruined. Self destruct. No worries.

Maybe this will be a recovery story one day. I thought I had recovered.

This is a bit of a bolt out of the blue and I am not sure what to do.