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How does it always come off as being a weapon? my cutting/scars in somehow shape or form always become amunition for people when they wanna try and hurt me the most. "Well good job to them it hurts bad." i got into a confrontation with another worker today that had been holding a grudge against me because i told her to not make fun of me and how i speak anymore. so yeah i have an accent and she thought it was always so funny to poke fun at how i sound. so recently i had had enough and told her to stop. She's been holding a grudge against me since. Today she took it too another level. It's not enough that i have a cpl stalkers that consistently harass me, but today now my co-worker took a pop shot at me at my most vulnerable.

Today was just another day as it started, i have a cpl ex's one male and one female that just can't get the point. both have abused and assaulted me in the past as far as putting me in the hospital, with cracked bones in my face, cuts and bruises. Is so fucking terrifying that these ppl still try to get close to me, so i've been on run from the girl for a cpl years, she found me last month and has been messing with me since. today was awful, her name is jessica btw. anyway i answer the phone at work as in other day, and its her "again" im like damnit here we go. So she starts telling me that she wants to see me and isnt gonna take no for an answer, is telling me that she's fucking whacked out on heroine and has a gun and shit. i start tripping out, "absolutely losing it" im at work and shes' telling me that she's gonna come to my job. Im telling her, no no, absolutely not, stay the fuck away that i'll call the cops if she sets one foot in the door. i slam the phone down tell my boss whats up that my stalker is giving me shit again. he's doing what they all do take it all like its a big fucking joke. So im working and she walks through the front door. I take off running from her, im terrified, she starts following me through my building. i run into an office with an electronic key entry, that she can't get into. she starts banging on the door, telling me to come out. i grab a phone tripping out, calling the cops. Im screaming that im calling the police that there coming for her, she's screaming back at me. i dial 911.. i tell her again that i called the cops. she takes off running out the door and back through the rest of the building. all the while nobody is doing shit to help me. Im like omg wtf, nobody is doing anything. she runs out the front. I come outta the office and am waiting on the cops to show. Im totally frazzled, my brain is hurting, im shaking fucking scared outta my mind, and a co worker asks me whats going on, she's kinda laughing, and smiling at me. im totally shocked i can't believe she's smiling about it, like it was something cute. "im like go ahead laugh all you want this shit isnt funny" the co worker totally jumps onto my shit and says. "i've had about enough of this little psycho bitch" talking about me. completely hitting me when i was at my most vulnerable. i return with a fuck you bitch, you have no idea whats going on. the cops show, i tell them whats going on, and they already have the run down of what happened and they leave. So i go ask the co worker, her name is lisa. what her deal is. she asks me if i want to step outside and fight? or maybe i should just go cut my wrists again that that might fix me. Im stunned, i dont know what to say. she then tears into me about how i'm psycho, that i've been going off on everyone lately. and reminds me of how i told her to stop making fun of me. The worst of it all she didnt care at all that now even 10mins earlier the cops were there because someone had chased me into a locked office, but instead she was more focused on hitting me while im down with my Self injury problems and me standing up for myself. is so stupid that the scars on my wrists are more important than a drug crazed idiot trying to hurt me. im so confused, i took the rest of the day off, i feel so shitty. is it any wonder why i have the problems that i have is all i keep thinking. but i just can't get the memory outta my head that she chose such a vulnerable time to address scars on my wrists. Most of all that self injury was more important than the fact that a smack addict was trying to get through a locked door to try and hurt me. no body did anything to try and help me, i feel so incredibly unimportant.

Skye