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I did it again. I cut myself today again.You said no and I said yes, at the time that was a joke.Not anymore I guess. The funny thing is that you were the one person who said no but was understanding, and I did it because of you. Every cut was for you, isn't that funny? Every blood drop was because I loved you and you hurt me.Its all so funny, every word, hilarious in fact.You'll never know how you hurt me, and I will never know how I hurt you.I went to my basement and hacked at my arm until there wasn't any room left, 31 cuts, But, I got greedy and figured I could handle just another and make it 32. But I should have been happy with what I had.I guess I am not good with being happy.Happyness isn't my strong suite. I have never had happyness but I thought I found it when my dad met you or at least when I thought he met you. That was the lie, you lied to me. YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME. How can I ever trust you again?You filthy liar.But I can't truly call you that because as mad as you made me I still love you with all my heart.You're my abuser, and I keep coming back for more pain, because your my mom. Moms aren't supposed to hurt like this, but I am used to it. But I should have stuck with 31 because the 32nd was the lethal one.Today I cut myself again. Today I died thinking I handle what you did to me.Today I cut and died for you.Everything I did was for you.Even though you didn't want me to