By Category: Self-Destruction

“We couldn't imagine the emptiness of a creature who put a razor to her wrists and opened her veins, the emptiness and the calm.”

-The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides

~

“Now I will tell you what I've done for you-
Fifty-thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't HEAL me (going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily, defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under.”

-Going Under, Evanescence

Recommended by Ashley.

~

“i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation.”

-Tourniquet, Evanescence

Recommended by Ashley.

~

“fallen angels at my feet
whispered voices at my ear
death before my eyes
lying next to me i fear
she beckons me
shall i give in
upon my end shall i begin
forsaking all i've fallen for
i rise to meet my end.”

-Whisper, Evanescence

Recommended by Dawn.

~

“You put yourself in stupid places
Yes I think you know it's true
Situations where it's easy to look down on you
Think you like to be the victim
Think you like to be in pain
I think you make yourself a victim
Almost every single day.”

-Everything to Everyone, Everclear

Recommended by Ashley.

~

“Yes I think it's safe to say:

I feel good about the sin
That I inflict on my own skin
I pay money to cut and burn
Pictures like lessons
That I need to learn

I see faces on the ceiling
I see them move
I hear them singing
I lay down laughing here by myself
And think about the time that I spent in hell.”

-When It All Goes Wrong Again, Everclear

Recommended by Suzanne.

~

“Self-improvement is masturbation, and self-destruction.”

-Fight Club [movie]

Recommended by brittany.

~

“I want to kuh-kill myself. And -- and I can't. It's not that I'm too scared to kill myself. I -- I'm scared of lots of things. I'm scared of noises in the night-time, scared of telephones and closed doors, scared of people... scared of everything. Not of death. I want to die. It's just that I don't know how.”

-The Sandman - Dream Country, Neil Gaiman

~

“...and sometimes I have really bad days...when, you know, I just want to hide or scream or bleed or something...”

-The Sandman#42, Neil Gaiman

~

“Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Chris is all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?”

-Bleed Like Me, Garbage

Recommended by Suggested by Libby.

~

“Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me
Or anybody else.”

-Medication, Garbage

Recommended by nikola.sydney.

~

“Tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin, and pray for the courage to press down.”

-Girl, Interrupted [movie]

Recommended by Michele.

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“Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt.”

-Sympathy, Goo Goo Dolls

Recommended by Sushima.

~

“It's all a joke to them. Oh he's just sad, he's just overweight, he's just lazy. No, he wants to die. He wants to burn. He wants to never wake up again. Turn the ignore back on.”

-grouphug.us

Recommended by Ronan.

~

“Please bleed
So I know that you are real
So I know that you can feel
The damage that you've done
Who have I become
To myself I am numb, I am numb, I am numb.”

-Please Bleed, Ben Harper

Recommended by Kate.

~

“17 and I'm all messed up inside
I cut myself just to feel alive
I leave the light on
I leave the light on
21 on the run
On the run on the run from myself
From myself and everyone
I leave the light on
I leave the light on ”

-Leave the Light On, Beth Hart

~

“So cut my wrists and black my eyes
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight or die.”

-Ohio Is For Lovers, Hawthorne Heights

~

“I see your scars
I know where they're from
So sensually carved and bleeding
Until you're dead and gone.”

-Beyond Redemption, HIM

Recommended by ariasna.

~

“...if I eat this apple sandwich in precisely twenty bites, no more no less, then I will be happy.”

-Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

~

“A strange equation, and an altogether too-common belief: One's worth is exponentially increased with one's incremental disappearance.”

-Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

~

“And when, after fifteen years of bingeing, barfing, starving, needles and tubes and terror and rage, and medical crises and personal failure and loss after loss - when, after all this, you are in your early twenties and staring down a vastly abbreviated life expectancy, and the eating disorder still takes up half your body, half your brain, with its invisible eroding force, when you have spent the majority of your life sick, when you do not yet know what it means to be 'well,' or 'normal,' when you doubt that those words even have meaning anymore, there are still no answers. You will die young, and you have no way to make sense of that fact.
You have this: You are thin.”

-Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

~

“Bulimia is linked, in my life, to periods of intense passion, passion of all kinds, but most specifically emotional passion. Bulimia acknowledges the body explicitly, violently. It attacks the body, but it does not deny. It is an act of disgust and of need. This disgust and this need are about both the body and the emotions. The bulimic finds herself in excess, too emotional, too passionate. This sense of excess is pinned to the body. The body bears the blame but is not the primary problem. There is a sense of hopelessness in the bulimic, a well-fuck-it-all-then, I might as well binge. This is a dangerous statement, but the bulimic impulse is more realistic than the anorexic because, for all its horrible nihilism, it understands the body is inescapable.

The anoretic operates under the astounding illusion that she can escape the flesh, and, by association, the realm of emotions. The summer before I left for boarding school was the last time I would ever fully understand that I was a human being, and occasionally care about myself as such. I was about to become an anoretic. That is to say, I, the girl I knew as myself, was about to disappear. She was about to become no more than the blank space in the mirror where my body had once been. She was about to become no more than a very small voice.

However people know things about themselves, through premonitions or suspicions or specific plans, I knew this. And I was afraid. Yet I wanted it more than anything.”

-Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

~

“I felt like I was going out of my mind. My head was never quiet. Quiet is an in-between point, implying a balance between noise and silence, between the strange blackouts I began to have -- pure silence, not sleeplike but deathlike -- and the hellish shrieking jumble of my own thoughts and the voices of the world.

And the sharp hiss of one voice that started out softly, as though below layers of moss, or flesh, and gradually became so loud it drowned out everything else: Thinner, it said. You've got to get thinner.

But you know, even then, that word was wrong. It is more than Thinness, per se, that you crave. It is the implication of Thin. The tacit threat of Thin. The Houdini-esque-ness of Thin, walking on hot coals without a flinch, sleeping on a bed of nails. You wish to carry Thinness on your arm, with her cool smile. You wish for that invisible, vibrating wire that hums between two lovers, implying a private touch. You wish for such a wire, humming between you and Thinness, at a party, on the street, humming softly between you and death.”

-Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

~

“I'd read somewhere that if you made yourself a snow cave you could keep warm, the snow itself would keep out the cold of the snow, and I was so incredibly tired, willing my legs to keep walking. We were having a family outing and I didn't want to ruin it but I was so fucking cold. I wish I could find words to explain what this kind of cold is like- the cold that has somehow gotten in underneath your skin and is getting colder and colder inside you. It isn't an outside sort of cold; it's a cold that gets into your bones and into your blood and it feels like your heart itself is beating out the cold in hard bursts through your entire body, and you suddenly remember that you have a body because you can't ignore it anymore. You feel like an ice cube.”

-Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

~

“In truth, you like the pain...Your ability to withstand pain is your claim to fame. It is ascetic, holy. It is self-control. It is masochism, and masochism pleasurable to many, but we don't like to think about that. We don't like to think that a person could have a twisted autoerotic life going on...experience both at once: the pleasure of beating the hell out of a body shackled at the wrists, and the pleasure of being the body and knowing we deserve each blow.”

-Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

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