“I never knew what it exactly means: 'to pray'. Although there has been a time that I knew all prayers, litanies and formulas of the catholic religion by heart. I quickly realised that, just the 'saying' of these texts wasn't 'praying', but that there had to be more to do with it, and I didn't know what. I stopped thinking about it. Millions of hale mary's I've recited, but not one did I 'pray'. 'Praying helps you get at ease,' my grandmother said. I get at ease by watching the flames in an open fire. That 'praying', just like staring into the flames, serves no purpose and leads to nothing, now is a part of my 'knowledge of life', a heritage of my years in the Tjideng prisoner camp.”

Bezonken Rood, Jeroen Brouwers