Self-Injury Songs - My Ruin
i have scars on my body
from using myself
abusing myself
in sickness and in health
i have bruises on my body
which go away with time but remain in my mind forever
as a constant reminder of the last man i loved
loathed
left
i have the word 'truth' on my arm
because there is no room for honesty when you're a liar
i have a tattoo on the back of my neck which i cannot see
but i can feel
but i can feel
but i can
i have a tattoo on my stomach which in italian means 'the sweet life'
i have the word 'love' in flames surrounded by stars on my right wrist
because these five fingers go straight into the soul of man
i have the word 'hate' on my left wrist because the left hand is the hand of hate
and it was with this hand that cain knifed his brother
i'm right handed
maybe that's my problem
my ruin
-7. Scars
~
I think I'll cut myself
Cut myself free
Now I'm somewhere else
Need to be
Wasted with no sleep
Forgot to pray
Jesus can you hear me?
Nails keep pounding
You push your fingers into holes
Of what my questions left
And as I drown your mouth in red
You fear what I will ask next
I violate your faith
I wonder what you really taste like
Feel the sensation of depth
I lied...
Can't help me now
It's under my skin
Nowhere to go
I'll never let you in (in fear of dying)
I could worship you
Make you behave
I'd tell you anything
Just to be saved
Baby... how's your faith these days?
Do you feel safe?
Kiss me
Sunlight makes us sick
As nails keep pounding
You warp your legs around my mind
Ten times and hide in me
The darker it gets outside
Your hearts a 1000 degrees
I make you swallow spit
You're sick with it
You're sick from me
Don't say I didn't warn you, I tried...
Can't help me now
It's under my skin
Nowhere to run
But I won't give in
Can't help me now
I'm bleeding within
Nowhere to go
I'll never give in
What god created me?... (your god)
What god created us?... (your god)
What god created this... thing called lust?
Your god created me?... (what god)
Your god created
FUCK... YOUR GOD CAN'T HELP ME NOW
IT'S UNDER MY SKIN
NOWHERE TO GO
BUT I WON'T GIVE IN
CAN'T HELP ME NOW
I'M BLEEDING WITHIN
NOWHERE TO GO
I'LL NEVER GIVE IN
I won't let you in
Won't let you in (let me in)
Won't let you (let me in)
GOD WON'T LET YOU...
-9. Fever
~
elegantly wasted and i can taste it
here i sit, trying not to fake this gift
of the beauty myth
i can't help but feel like this
bored... of the beauty whore
cuz my body just wants more
scars... and i can feel them
wounds... i can't heal them
red bring my mouth to life
black revive my hair that's dyed
make up always helps me hide
what i don't like on the outside
starlight, starbright
first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight
a birthday girl
a broken heart
you name the drama she played the part
long lost demons leave her godless
like her powder
leaves her flawless
sugar coated heart shaped pout
lipstick just distorts her mouth
mascara puts her eyes to sleep
cuz beauty's only skin deep
starlight, starbright
first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight
starlight, starbright
first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight
bitch du jour
served on a platter
she's so pretty
but does it matter
mirror mirror on the wall
watch her break and watch her fall
stitch her smile
bruise her knees
walk among her enemies
starlight, starbright
first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight
starlight, starbright
first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight
blessed am i among women
to live and love in such a beautiful temple
blessed am i among women
-8. Cosmetic
~
this place is hell to me and i can never get no sleep
there's a devil in my bed with me who's talk is cheap
you feel like heaven to me all i want to do is sleep
you're like an angel lyin' next to me you look so sweet
close your eyes
and lets pretend
remember why
we're just friends
my tangled hair will weave a web of lies within my sheets
and in the morning i'll be nailed where he crucified me
your blackened hair will leave a stain inside my mind so deep
and when tomorrow comes i'll wish that you would worship me
close your eyes
and let's pretend
remember why
we're just friends
there must be a storm in london tonight
because it's cold and raining hard
my body aches, my lover waits, i pick the scabs from my arms
there must be a storm in la tonight
because it's cold and raining hard
i miss your kiss. i miss your face, i miss the stars of your arms
the man that i lust
in he do i trust
for he is my god
my anti jesus
he is my savior
my salvation
he leads me into temptation
in my highest hour
my lowest moment
he is my torture
he is my torment
and i will pray for him
to remain my friend
and save me from my enemies... forever amen
this place is hell to me and i can never get no sleep
there's a devil in my bed with me who's talk is...cheap
-6. Close Your Eyes
~
yes it's true
i've got demons inside me
and sometimes they need to speak
my dark places make me feel ugly
my lips are glossed but my heart is weak
i'm diseased
as seen on tv
please forgive me
for not being pretty or sexy
but god never blessed me
here's what you抣l find next time you undress me
scars
wounds
i'm bruised
watch me bleed
i'm your beauty
watch me bleed
beauty fiend
once again
without perfect teeth
i begin the dream as i sleep
soon i've sinned
my skin is still thick
my mouth as always is brutally honest
at my calmest
i'm tired of explaining how it feels
to be exploited and rated number one, two or seventeen
fuck what they print in those damn magazines
scars
wounds
i'm used
watch me bleed
i'm no beauty
watch me bleed
beauty queen
watch me bleed
i'm your beauty
watch me bleed
beauty fiend
stuck inside this mask of mine
there's no place for me to hide
won't you please come suck me dry
don't touch me
don't fucking touch me
don't touch me
why can't you see beyond my skin
size
my shape
my ass
my tits
i am not your pretty face
i'm just a girl
the girl you love to hate
watch me bleed
i'm no beauty
watch me bleed
beauty queen
watch me bleed
i'm the beauty
watch me bleed
beauty fiend
why can't you see beyond my skin
size
my shape
my ass
my tits
i am not your pretty face
i'm just a girl
the girl you love to hate
stuck inside this mask of mine
there's no place for me to hide
won't you please come suck me dry
don't
don't you fucking touch me
pig
-2. Beauty Fiend
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