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Question & Answer

Questions you can ask about the site, about myself, about self-injury, etc. I'm not a mental health care worker but I'll answer to the best of my ability.

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Administrator (Gabrielle) (12)

How well does therapy work?

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my parents want to send me to therapy because I cut and I have anorexia. I understand that you see a therapist. While I have never been to a therapist I have heard that it is some person who gets paid to sit there and listen and dosent really care about your problems. Is this true? how helpful has therapy been for you?

There are therapists who sit there and listen without caring but there are people in the profession who genuinely care for the well-being of their patients. Who view you as a person, as more than a mental illness or a series of complaints. It might take multiple tries to find that therapist but he or she is out there.

I had a therapist call me months after I quit therapy and moved out of the area asking for an update through e-mail. Nothing major, just checking in to see how I was doing.

I was in therapy but after moving haven't gone to find a new one. In therapy I generally sit on a couch or chair and talk. My favorite therapist, the most special of them, would take me out to her garden and we'd drink tea. We'd go on walks at a nature reserve near her office or even up and down the streets near her place, just talking.

My psychiatrist also sees me as a person. He asks about my website, asks questions that involve more than my behaviors or symptoms.

So I know as horrible as some therapists can be there are some therapists out there who can make a difference, who make you feel a little more human even when it feels like the world is falling apart.

I've found therapy helpful, overall. I've said it before, I may be psychologicaly unhealthy but I'm a lot more emotionally healthy than I was at fifteen when I first started this site. I'm much happier.

How do you tell your deepest, darkest secret?

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My parents think they me from abuse... How do I tell them, or anyone for a fact, that I have been abused? (verbal, emotional, and sexual) How do you let someone know that you've been hurt and don't want to be hurt again. How maybe your pushing them away before they can push you away? How do you even deal with the fact you were hurt in the first place?

I'm not sure what your first sentence is trying to say so I'm not sure if you're living with currently abusive parents or were abused by somebody other than your parents.

I don't think I have a definite way of telling others. The first way I told my parents was by writing a short story about abuse and telling them I needed them to read it. I was pretty non-verbal about it at the time.

Can you write the person you want to tell a letter if you're unable to tell them in person? Tell them what you can in that letter, that you're pushing them away, that you've been hurt and don't want to be hurt again, etc.

It can take years for some people to deal. Some need therapy, others do it through supportive family and/or friends. I'd say therapy is a good bet, if you have the means to get into it through your family. Try to find somebody who has worked with abuse individuals in your age range.

Is it normal to cut yourself because you hate yourself?

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I have just recently started cutting myself due to an allergic reaction from waxing on my shoulders. There are little pimples that look disgusting and I just began to feel so ugly and unwanted. It didn't help that a girl at school was indirectly bullying me at the time too. I feel bipolar and I hope I can stop cutting before i get a habit.

It's not really "normal" in general, no. Many self-injurers hate themselves but, as you say, you want to not get into the habit. A lot of people, especially when figuring out who they are and/or going through tough times may hate themselves but for every person turning to self-injury there are ten others turning to other coping mechanisms, both good and bad. You don't have to continue if you don't want to.

The skin issues can be cleared up, certainly far more easily than scar tissue.

You are at a crossroads and it's up to you to decide which way you'll go.

Craving to cut.

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Say when I have a..."episode" and i want to cut really bad and my arms and thighs go numb and my chest drops, and i wanna scream cause i want to cut so bad, what do i do? or what can i do to make that feeling go away?

I don't think you can necessarily make that feeling of craving go away. Usually you can talk to somebody you trust and who you can talk to about wanting to self-injure and/or distract yourself from it through the items on lists of distractions (http://self-injury.net/information-recovery/recovery/distractions). Basically, you've got to ride through it, find outside help, and/or distract yourself from it. You can't really turn it off though with things like therapy or treatment of the underlying issues you may find that they help with your triggers (by having them worked through).

How do you start a chat?

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You need to have a certain amount of points which is fairly easy to reach as long as you're an active member. However, I need to validate points so if I'm away for a bit it takes longer.

You usually see a bar at the bottom that says 'Who's Online'. Click on it and click on the name of the online member(s) you'd like to chat with.

What caused you to 'Self Injur' ?

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Me specifically? If you need to know in general it's here in the FAQ: http://self-injury.net/information-recovery/frequently-asked-questions

However, I started self-injuring because I was having a difficult time with my emotionally and verbally abusive father who also self-injured, sometimes even in front of me and my family. He self-injured during his first talk with me after finding out about my self-injury. I was also looking to religion for an answer to the reason I was having self-destructive and suicidal feelings and found a lot of blame rather than support. The going to hell sort of responses.

The first time I scratched myself I was at a religious retreat. The first time I cut myself I was listening to my dad scream at somebody.

How many points are needed to chat (not obsessed with point gaining here, just wondering)?

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I'll just answer between seven and fifteen. I don't want to to too specific since I don't want the wrong sorts of people to know what to aim for. It's pretty easy to reach after a few days and once I 'validate' the points for you.

How do you get out the anger without resorting to cutting? I try so hard and most of the time fail and give in

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That's a tough one and I'm assuming by putting it in this category you're asking what I do?

Around people I know I can be a grade-A royal bitch when I get into a rage. However, the rage has lessened over the years and I've come far from the girl who threw an expensive and heavy glass pitcher across the kitchen or who would threaten her siblings or scratch them when she was angry. All things I'm not proud of but have learned not to do.

Self-injury used to be a way of controlling my anger and I couldn't even cry at a certain point or do anything but self-injure to get my feelings of anger and depression (note: not sadness) out.

Ok, so when I'm angry and I want to self-injure I usually find somebody to rant to about my anger (but not about the SI). Or I write a scathing post somewhere anonymous or away from the situation (message board not associate with the person/situation I'm upset with).

I remind myself that my dreams of private revenge on the person I'm angry at aren't going to be helped by self-injuring.

I've also talked out my anger with numerous therapists. It's taken me many, many years to let go of my anger at my father for being emotionally and verbally abusive (besides the fact that he has acted mentally unstable in the past and used to self-injure). I had so much rage in me about him and therapy helped. It didn't help in one year or three but it helped in the end. Other situations that have made me angry or full of rage... well, I'll bring it up and rant and rave and then the poison of it will be out in one session or however many it takes.

Why did you start cutting?

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It's rather complicated. I had vaguely known of self-injury in connection to schizophrenia and severe mental illness but had not connected it to something teenagers or those without severe mental illnesses did, not something I could do. Got the first idea from a Confirmation class (basically a religion class for those of you not familiar with Catholicism) in which the priest showed the class a picture of Christ with cuts and scratches all over his body and said said that's what we did to Christ when we sinned. Figured harming myself would help atone. I was intensely religious at the time in what I believe was an unconscious search for a "fix" of my issues so I took this all very seriously. Sort of funny considering I've not been Catholic since the same age this happened (15).

Also, my dad was going through a lot of issues and would take it out on me and my siblings. He would also self-injure -- punch himself -- in front of my family. In fact, when we first talked after he found out about my self-injury he ended up punching himself in the face and started bleeding. Constant fighting, he screamed at me a lot, put me down, lots of anger and verbal/emotional abuse.

So, basically got the idea from religion and started self-injuring because of a mixture of religious guilt, stress from my dad's verbal and emotional abuse, and general self-hatred.

Do you believe you will someday quit SI'ing?

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I though so after stopping for two years but now I'm taking it one day a time. I believe I have the potential to be free of self-injury for long periods of time. Quitting forever is too big at this point, it sets me up for failure because SI is not made out to be an option and somehow that ups the stress for me.

Did you ever struggle with food?

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Did you ever have an eating disorder symptoms?
I know that self-injury and eating disorders are related somehow. Harm to the body, self-distruction. I can really relate to both, so I was just wondering.

I've dabbled with eating disorders. I purged off and on for over two years. Around ages 17-19 (20?) when I was hospitalized there were measures taken to keep me from purging and/or restricting. I did go below one hundred pounds at one point but the doctor at the psychiatric hospital put me on one to one and had the bathroom locked unless I requested it be unlocked, which led to my one one standing outside the door with the door partway open. Became vegetarian for about three years to hide any weight issues. It was never my main form of self-destruction, though. More an afterthought. When I wasn't self-injuring I might turn to purging. Stopped restricting because it led to a lot of stomach pain because of the regiment of medication I was on.

I still deal with body image issues and recently relapsed into purging briefly. It's been that way for years. Will start purging for about a week to a month when I start feeling insecure about my body.

However, I am no longer underweight or even remotely thin and I can't say I've ever had a serious eating disorder (or at least one that felt serious to me).

So what are the purposes behind your scars?

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What I mean is, that every scar has a purpose.

I have so many.

I know the one that came from my first cut. It's on my right forearm on the back, a couple of inches away from my wrist. It was fear, anger, and self-hatred that drove me to taking the plunge and cutting myself after doing things like pinching, scratching, and using needles to tear my skin. My dad was screaming at somebody in the background and I just wanted to have something I could call my own.

I have a number of scars on my arms but they have turned white with time so they don't get noticed. It's funny, though, in the past month several people have asked about them or let me know they've noticed them. I don't remember where most of my scars came from. There's the largish ones from a night with a butcher knife on my upper arm. I wanted to see how far I could go. There's the one on my wrist. It's not large. I wanted to see if I could ever slit my wrists (this was before I learned the correct way) and be done with it. There's the ragged one that makes up the word 'Dying' (heh, I was clichéd, wanted to write 'Dying is an art') and which I used my teeth to cut out a stubborn piece of flesh.

There are the ones on my breasts, so many of them they melt into one another that the flesh is strange and sometimes numb if you press down. Their purpose? Hiding the fact that I was still self-injuring, destroying my sexuality, comfort with that location, the looks on the faces of the nurses whenever they'd cry about how my future husband would be devastated by the scars.

All in all, there are so many things behind each scar and I can't remember the majority of my reasons. I don't try to count too often but my siblings have tried counting the ones on my arms with little success and in some places I can't even count because it's just one big scar.

Fear, anger, self-hatred, self-punishment (when I was religious, like the time I cut a cross between my breasts when I was fifteen), dealing with the past. Some of it was sneering at the mental health workers dealing with me, see what you can't keep me from doing, that sort of thing. Part of it was seeing how far I could go. Not in terms of damage but in terms of chipping away at my body bit by bit.

Other Mental Health Issues (2)

Other issues to do with mental health.

am i crazy?

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today i was discharged from hospital after trying to through myself infront of a train fmlj

I don't think that means you're 'crazy'. It means you're suicidal, potentially associated with a mental illness or your living situation (causing depression and such). Mental illness doesn't mean 'crazy', if you do have one.

My Body

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I can I view my body realistically?
My therapist & nutritionist have run out of ideas, besides just waiting for me to go to Renfrew. I think about my weight all the time. Whenever my legs touch I completely Spazz. Or if clothes touch my body. Or if I jiggle at all. I suck in my stomache all the time, until I feel I might pass out....How can I change any of this?

You have to accept that your body will never be perfect. Not because you cannot be beautiful or attractive but because what your mind dictates is impossible to achieve.

I doubt anything I say will change your mind. I know when I had problems with starving and purging nothing could change my mind about how my body looked. I was thinner than I am today yet more critical. The dictator in your head never completely goes away but it can lessen.

Things like throwing the scale away, getting your mind off the physicality of it all, can be a start. However, if you're not read to make that start then perhaps Refrew will help you make your choice. You can either choose to live - or die - with an eating disorder or go down a different path. It's all up to you. I can't change anything no matter how much I write, only you can.

Random (8)

is it self injury if you slowly starve yourself?

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I have a tendency to slow down eating when I get sad.Is it self injury or just laziness, I don't know. I have suicidal ideation and low self esteem.

I wouldn't call it self-injury but I think it could fall under the unbrella term self-harm if you're doing it for self-destructive reasons. However, changes in eating habits like that can often be caused by depression. Some people overeat when they're depressed and there are others who find themselves barely eating at all. If you notice this undereating when you're going through a period of sadness it's likely depression.

ever get into 2ble digit cutting for no apparent/ immediate reason?

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1st post - Today's just been one of those days, I'm a borderline type (bpd) but honestly nothing in particular seems to have set me off (I'm a little down and maybe it's partly from holding off until I had a chance to be alone) - anyway I'm probably at about 20+ cuts so far today, no swimming in my near future I suppose. Do other people have days like this, when you aren't really sure why you're doing it/ just kind of drifting away and cutting?

There are many self-injurers who cut without having an apparent reason/trigger at the time. It can get to be a habitual way of coping. I've heard self-injurers say they've cut when they're happy. Doesn't mean their self-injury is done for frivolous reasons but that that is their general way of coping with life or there is something they are gaining out of from self-injury apart from relieving negative emotions. There are so many reasons for self-injuring and not all tie in with depression or dissociation every single time.

How to help your self?

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I have mild bipolar , OCD , Paranoia Personality Disorder , ADD , Epilepsy (Absence seizures) and anxiety.

I have been self injuring for 3 years now and I'm dealing with bulimia.

I have been hospitalized for both , and it hasn't worked.

Nothing works , nothing makes me feel better besides my two comfortw (bulimia and self injury)

I'm not fond of counsellers or therapists ,

is there any way I would be able to stop both without any mental help?

(i'm not taking medacation for anything though , cause I always puke when I take pills)

You're going to find out that nothing is going to make you feel as good as self-injury or other self-destructive behaviors such as bulimia. Once you let go of this idea and get comfortable with the idea you're going to *be* uncomfortable then starts the difficult part.

However, it's only the start. I personally have been unable to entirely let go of self-injury and it's been about twelve years aside from two where I quit aside from one instance. There are no guarantees.

I've found that people who have a support system fare better. Groups of friends who are stable enough to offer support.

Also, it's going to be doubly tough since you have mental health issues (the bipolar and OCD) that aren't going to be cured from a talk with a friend and are usually controlled through medication, which is not an option for you now it seems. Closing the avenue of therapy/counselling might be a bit premature. There's tons of downright awful therapists but there are a few diamonds in the rough.

There are self-help books for self-injurers if you want to go down that route. The Scarred Soul by Tracy Alderman is one of them.

The issue with psychiatric issues is that there are no easy answers and none that fit every person.

Am I the "Other Woman"?

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So basically i met my first (and so far only) love last year and we was happily together for three months till i moved across the country. We still love each other but he has a girlfirend now whom he claims to love (atleast that's what he tells facebook) but he tells me that he could leave her in a heartbeat and he keeps her around cause it protects him from all the horrible girls that could try to after him, so my dumbass (sorry) told him to keep her, So i visited a few months ago and it was like she never existed and we did everything we used to do and so now i'm wondering... am i the "other woman"? or is she the "other woman"? is he cheating on me? or on her? idk.. i'm so confused..

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Dealing with friends who injure themselves?

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Hi, I have a friend who I used to be very close to, and from time to time, she makes attempts to hurt herself.

Even though we're not as close as before, I'm still very worried about her. She doesn't injure herself, but she does indirectly. At school, we have plastic covers on our tables. she cuts the ends of the tables so that they are sharp and I even got scratched by those sharp edges. I then realised that she was actually hurting herself - indirectly. We wouldn't know that she was under emotional distress since she didn't directly hurt herself.

However, there was an occasion where she did hurt herself. I was really frustrated with her, I had no idea how to deal with her. She, however, misinterpreted my actions and thought I hated her. She proceeded to harm herself.

I really have no idea how to tell her to stop. I want to tell her that even if she harms herself, she can't solve her problems, but I cannot bring myself to do so, because if I did, she'd think I was insulting her directly.

You really can't tell her to stop because unless she wants to stop for herself it's likely not going to work. To stop she has to be ready to stop or she has to want to stop completely, not half-heartedly or because others want her to stop. The most you can do as a friend is let her know you're there to support her when she's feeling upset, that you're willing to listen without judgment. If you feel too frustrated or unequipped to do this then perhaps it's best to leave it to other friends because if you start telling her she has to stop and getting frustrated when she doesn't it's not likely to help.

If you feel she's a real danger to herself (suicide, severe permanent damage) then approaching an adult would be best but will most likely end the friendship.

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is anyone there?????

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Yes?

Raise Self-Esteem?

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Are there better ways that I can raise my really low self-esteem? I hate my body. To the extreme. The only way I get pride is when I restrict food. What other ways are more..productive?

You can do far more than restrict food. I'm certain of that. Restricting food isn't an art, it has no finesse, it does not move the world.

I know a lot of people find comfort in the creative pursuits. Music, art, writing. I just recently graduated university with a BA in Creative Writing. It had started as nothing more than catharsis when I was will and it eventually became a passion.

You need to find passion for something apart from self-destruction. If you do not wish to pursue the creative arts then perhaps helping others through volunteer work would be good. Engaging your mind in intellectual pursuits can be another thing, engaging in the world around you.

When your main passion is self-destruction it's hard to find something to feel good about. Finding the non-self-destructive things you're good at and cultivating them can make you feel good about yourself. You can only take so much pride in restricting because the world does not generally admire you for it or they're not moved by it or they don't learn from it or they don't receive help from it. It's a void.

Showing emotion

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I always have to be fake and happy. How can I tell people I am depressed or feel fat? (used to have anorexia)

I know a lot of people have hesitation with telling people about their issues with depression or eating disorders because they fear being labeled by those people who have very little understanding of mental health issues and gain most of it from depictions of high school in the media or jokes or equally ignorant peers. So if that is your fear tell those you trust, those who will do their best to try to understand instead of relying on tired stereotypes.

Perhaps you can start by writing a letter or e-mail if you want to test out the waters. Detail in this letter what you've been feeling and some of your history with feeling that way. If the other person has never dealt with mental health issues maybe include links to articles or books you feel are helpful and describe how depression or the aftereffects of an eating disorder are for you. You can also explain any fears you might have with telling the person about your problems, letting them know you're not used to other people knowing you struggle.

I wouldn't advise telling a great number of people like peers who aren't good friends or co-workers because they may not be worth your confidence and it may change the environment at school or work in a way that might make you uncomfortable.

Good friends and family are probably the best people to show your true self to. You might feel too unsure to show them a lot of what you feel but by building up a circle of support made up of people who you let into your confidence and who have shown themselves able to deal with your mental health issues you can at least let them know you aren't happy all the time, that there is more to you than the façade most people see.

Remember boundaries are good so that people don't get burned out, talk with them and ask them with what they're comfortable with. That might sound mean or counterproductive but it's important to keep it as comfortable as possible with the friends and family that know.

A support group (12-step or run by a therapist) might also be a good alternative if you have the means to get there and are too uncertain to lean on friends for help. Seeing a therapist or counselor might also be good because the decent ones (there are a few of those) will help you figure out a game plan on letting your friends and family know that you aren't as happy as your face might indicate. They also might help you figure out what to do if anything backfires and also see to it that you have support from them and a means of working on your issues with depression and your past eating disorder.

Self-Injury (63)

Am I a self-harmer?

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I haven't done it at late, but every now and again when I got mad at myself, I would do things to hurt myself. I would force myself to hold chili powder or lemon juice in my mouth for 4/5 minutes. I would wrap a heating bad around myself, set it on high, and leave it there until I felt like I was suffocating. I jabbed myself in both my legs with a knitting needle (which smarted terribly) for a few minutes. And, of course, I bite, scratch, and insult myself on purpose every other day or so. I do it because I'm mad at myself for something. Is this a problem, or am I completely normal?

I'd say you're a person who self-harms, yes. I wouldn't be caught up in the label of self-injurer because I tend to find that counterproductive since it can become an identity but your descriptions fit what 'self-injurers' do and feel.

Normal is relative but the behaviors you've described are self-injurious and aren't healthy ways of coping. Most people who care about you probably wouldn't understand them or want you to keep doing them.

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How did you quit self injury? can you tell me some substitutes?

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Stopping self-injury generally involves more than finding substitutes because, in a way, for some it's chasing the feelings self-injury wrought during the 'best' sessions. You're not going to find something that replaces self-injury because self-injury itself is a distraction and behavior that mask thoughts and feelings.

There are things you can do like writing through the desire to self-injure or talk to a friend, make artwork, call a hotline, call your therapist, etc. that are more active in getting in touch with what's going on in your head than the behaviors to 'subsititute' self-injury like snapping a rubber band or holding ice or anything else that is just a lesser form of SI.

To recover when you still have cravings for self-injury generally involves knowing you're going to be uncomfortable and I generally support ways that involve communication or creatiivty or being kind to yourself (self-care).

There's a list of distractions on the site here: http://self-injury.net/information-recovery/recovery/distractions

edit:

Heh, and I entirely missed the first question.

I quit or at least went into recovery (and am now able to admit I'm in recovery) after I was diagnosed with a serious psychiatric disorder that I felt less comfortable with than major depression. After over half a year off medication that was able to help me being a self-injurer had lost all it's glamour for me. It had been an important part of who I was and after I realized I didn't want to be mentally ill it somehow just felt less important. I'd let go of it.

I'm now a woman who occasionally self-injures and who is in recovery. In my head, I'm not a self-injurer though I will use the term as shorthand.

When I get an urge, I shake. My hands shake uncontrollably and I have to close my eyes to focus.

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I feel like everything else around me disappears. I don't know how to stop it, but it makes me feel so vulnerable. Then I have to cut. Sometimes I start to hyperventalate. I passed out a few times. The urges drag me in really far. This isnt normal, is it?

It could potentially be a panic attack brought on by the urge or the reasons behind the urge. When people have panic attacks they may feel they can't breath. Common symptoms of panic attacks are shaking, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, chest pain, dizziness, nausea, etc.

People often go to therapy and/or take medication to learn to cope with panic attacks.

Fire or Knife?

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To bleed and feed or to crash and burn and singe?

Burns tend to get more easily infected and, if you're the sort of person who feels pain during an act of self-injury, hurt more. Cuts depend on severity and instrument.

I personally wouldn't go for such romanticized descriptions but I can understand the desire for it. Your choice. Hope that the aftermath wasn't too bad. Take care.

How do you self-harm, what 'weapon' do you choose?

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I was wondering what other people think of when they go about self-harming.

I myself often go for the sharpest thing I can find, but because I'm attracted to scars, I have used a compass needle.
I am ashamed to say that times when I've cut and not left a scar bothers me.

What about you?

I've used so many things. I tend to stick with my double-edged's when it comes to blades.

help just found out 11 year old is cutting

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My 11 year old apparently is cutting. I saw marks on her last night, while she was gone i looked in her room. I put stuff back, but how do I approach her. I'm very understanding when it comes to her moods. Lately, I have been very , very ill (almost died), then a close friends father did pass away. She was being bullied. I asked her how she wanted me to help her with the bullying. Just listen, go to the principal. I wanted to make sure she felt in control, but with my help. Unfortunely, I can't be in control of my health right now, and I believe she is having trouble with this and is scared. Plz understand I am not angry at her for the cutting, I need to know how I can help with my behavior so as not make the situation worse. Do we need therapy? Do we just talk?

Help

What a tough situation, she's so young. I'm not sure if almost dying and the health situation is something you're still in danger from but, especially if it is, it would need to be approached, perhaps through therapy since all of things have happened in her life are pretty recent, close together and traumatic.

Usually finding out the root causes of why somebody is self-injuring and working through them in talk therapy or some other form of treatment is more helpful than trying to "ban" the behavior or do any form of punishment for it. I'm not saying you're doing this currently but the first therapist I went to when I was fifteen suggested rather ridiculous and unecessary things to my parents to try to spook me out of self-injuring, which just led to lying rather than true progress.

Keeping the communication lines open is important. Letting her know you're not angry that she's self-injuring and that you want to help her feel better. That you're willing to listen or just be there if she feels like self-injuring.

This link goes over some strategies for family members of people who are self-injuring.

http://self-injury.net/information-recovery/family-and-friends

Good luck!

I had a cutting nightmare about my mother, what does it mean?

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Keep in mind, my mom used to be a cutter. It was really bad, one of the worst I know of. She was hospitalized because of it a few times.

So, last night...well more like this morning...I had a dream that my sisters and I were at our friend Andrew's new club he is opening. My mom wasn't there, but she ended up appearing later in the dream. For some reason, in the dream, his club was on a cruise ship. After we left the club we met up with my mother, she and my younger sister Daphne (they're like best friends) got into a fight and my mom ran off crying into one of the ships bathrooms. I yelled at my sister telling her that she upset our mother so she ran into the bathroom after her. My sister Bryt and her friend Ashly wanted me to come back with them to the club, but I decided to go check on my mother instead. I yelled "Have fun douche bags" and ran into the bathroom. My sister and my mom were both sitting inside of a stall and I slowly opened the stall door... My mom yelled out "What the fuck are you doing?" as I opened the door. And the I saw 3 cuts crossed her chest, spurting blood, and they kept festering and opening it closing, it was gruesome. I hurried out of there and started shaking really bad, and tried to contact my other sister to tell her mom was cutting again. I woke up after that, and I woke up shaking uncontrollably. I told my mom about it, she said she is fine. But I can get the image of the those cuts out of my head.

What do you think it means?

I had this encounter in real life once, it was awhile ago...I walked in on my mom changing her clothes once when she was in the bathroom and I saw words she had carved into her leg. Am I just remembering that?

Thanks.

Dreams can be triggered by so many things. Thoughts, memories, worries, fears, etc. can find themselves into our dreams. It could very well be a mixture of your memory of seeing your mother with those cuts and your fears of her self-injuring. Her self-injuring is pretty much out of your control so it would be normal to worry.

How do you stop the need to cut....

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I have been cutting for five years, it so engrained in me that I claw my hands in my sleep. Years of Self Mutilation killed me and is tearing my family apart as we speak....

I think it's important to address the issues leading to self-injury, whether they are related to a mental illness, past issues with abuse or bullying or whatever else, current stress, etc. Is there any way you can address it in some form of treatment?

You also have to know that the desire to cut doesn't go away with just treatment, your response to the desire is what can be worked on. It can become an automatic response but there is even therapy -- cognitive behavioral -- that you can try if talk therapy hasn't led to much change or if you only want to address the thoughts/behaviors rather than what has led to the formation of them.

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Do you ever want to cut even when theres nothing wrong or bothering you? do you ever cut when your bored?

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sometimes i just cut because im bored im totally calm nothing is bothering me i just want the enjoyment of cutting to relax more is this normal or am i crazy?

???

Pretty worried about a friend's kid.

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I have self-harmed for the last 10 years. I think I am coming out of it, but right now that is not the issue.

I have just found out that the 14 year old child of my best friend has started cutting. I am totally petrified that seeing my scars put the idea in his head... I really feel that if I hadn't been so open about my own scars, he might not have turned to this avenue of 'coping'.

I want to talk to him, but I really have no idea where to even start. I want to shake him, wave my arms in front of him and ask him if he wants to end up looking like this... But I know that won't help.

Does anyone have any suggestions how to go about talking about this? So completely stuck.

I'd suggest going to your friend before trying to talk with him. Not that trying to talk a person out of self-injuring is wrong but going over the head of a friend -- unless you have some authority or the friend is abusive or otherwise incompetent -- with their kid might be stepping on their toes.

It's tricky trying to talk to young people. Nothing makes them shut down so fast as saying 'don't do x', especially if you have done x in the past or are still doing x now.

These factsheets from FirstSigns might be a step in figuring out how to approach it from different points-of-view.

What are some ways to stop cutting without doctors, or pills, or talking it out?

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Since i am young, if i tell anyone i will get put away. even if i wouldnt i dont want to risk that because it would just make it worse for me. i have tried a lot of things to stuff, but the urges and the pain comes again. i would love to know how to deal with this without the need of others. please helps and thank you so much. <3

It sounds rather simple but try telling yourself you'll self-injure in --x-- amount of time, say two hours, six hours or more. If you still want to self-injure at that time, try setting yourself another time in the future. This was suggested by a therapist and I find it can help with cutting in the moment if you're willing to play by its rules.

There are also workbooks on self-injury if you have some spare change and a private place to store them. Finding some insight on your self-injury can help you figure out why you do it and how triggers lead up to the actual act. Just, basically familiarize yourself with how self-injury works for you so you know at what angle to come at it at.

There are distractions you can try when you feel the urge to self-injure.

If you want to stop by yourself you have to learn some positive self-talk, learn your limits, don't skip out before you reach your goals and, if you fail, don't use that as an excuse to further downspiral since many of us (including me!) have done that and it doesn't lead to anything good. There aren't replacements for self-injury and you're going to have some bad moments you're going to have to work through.

You can do it. Good luck! :)

how do you approach someone who is also self injuring without letting them know you do is as well and not offending them?

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I think it all depends on if you're friends and good friends at that. If you're friends by group of friends and barely interact or if you're just acquaintances or even strangers... I've heard more than one person say they'd not want to be approached. Some even say that being a self-injurer does not make an automatic connection to another person or even mean you're alike.

I'm just saying this because more than one person with self-injury scars is not going to be happy if you approach them about the fact that they currently self-injure or have self-injured in the past. Doesn't matter if they think you're just a concerned person who doesn't self-injure.

< Anecdote

I was approached at work repeatedly by a co-worker about my scars. He kept asking where they were from. This went on for weeks.

Finally, I asked, 'Where do you think they're from?' He said he thought I'd done them myself. I confirmed this. We went on being co-workers and never discussed it again.

He said he'd asked out of concern/curiosity.

/ Anecdote >

Now I'm not saying you would ask repeatedly but I personally was uncomfortable with the question and concern from somebody I was on friendly terms with but wasn't a friend outside of work and wasn't somebody I was interested in talking with about self-injury.

Will I ever stop?

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I feel like I will never be able to stop hurting myself. I feel so un normal. People ask questions about the scars on my wrists, and evven make fun of me. Im sick of this. I want to go back to the time when I didnt have these urges to hurt, or anything like that. Please help me figure out how i can become myself again. I dont want to be controlled by this disorder anymore.

thanks for listening

Well, usually before the behavior -- which is what self-injury is -- can stop there needs to be some work on what's underneath. The reasons behind your acts of self-injury are important. Are you depressed? Anxious? Angry? Dissociated? Have you ever been abused emotionally, psychologically, physically, and/or sexually? Have you ever been physically assaulted, sexually harassed, bullied, and/or raped? Been through something traumatic other than this that has affected you?

That's usually why counselling or therapy is often encouraged for those wanting to stop. Doesn't even have to be talk therapy. It can be something like cognitive behavioral where you look at your thought patterns and the stuff going on in your head that you're not even consciously aware of so you can sort of train your brain. Sometimes medication is necessary depending on if you have a mental illness (self-injury isn't a guarantee you do) and if a psychiatrist feels it's necessary for you to be put on medication.

To stop, you have to deep down want to stop and be willing to be uncomfortable (be 'triggered' without the relief of self-injury or any other self-destructive behaviors).

Do you have trusted people you can talk to if you're unable or not ready to go to therapy? Try to put together a support network if you can. When you feel like self-injuring and can't calm yourself down through distractions you can approach the people who know you self-injure and are willing to help talk with you about why you want to self-injure and how to get through the next few hours.

If you have nobody tell yourself, 'If I still feel like self-injuring in two hours/twelve hours/twenty-four hours I'm allowed to do it.' Then try your distractions and working on it, journalling about why you want to, etc. Once the time is up see if you can set up more time in which you're 'allowed' to do it. That way you're not outright forbidding yourself from self-injuring (which I've found makes me more anxious to actually do it) and giving yourself some time where you're safe and some of those times you'll be feeling better by the time the timeframe is up.

There's a list of distractions under 'Information & Recovery'.

Is it strange to have gone a year with out cutting then 3 bad things happen and just start again? I need some help with this.

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Not sure how helpful I can be since this is very vague.

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No, it's not strange. Even people who have been recovered for years can turn back to self-injury momentarily during a time of great stress. Right now it's up to you if you want to throw yourself back into it full stop or if you want to chalk it up to the three bad things and process what's happened and move forward. Not necessarily easy and, believe me, I relapsed year before last and haven't really found my footing again.

I'm not sure how terrible these three bad things are but it's important to talk to people (friends, family, etc.) about what's happened and, if these bad things affect your life in a way that makes it difficult to function and talking about it isn't helping after a while then perhaps talking to a third party (counselor, therapist, etc.) would be helpful to help process. Doesn't mean you need to be getting help for years and years, some people only need a few sessions to get back on their feet. However, I'm not sure how old you are or how feasible this is, given concerns with parents if you're underage and they are unaware, abusive, or not willing to help.

Just know that relapsing isn't the end of everything, isn't failure (so many people are concerned with this), and doesn't have to be the start of an out of control addiction. It's scary but you can make it through this tough time. Good luck.

I need help with my research project since this topic is personal to me...

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I have been a cutter since I was 7 years old. I am now doing a research project for school about self-injury. I need help getting answers. I need to know if someone can ever stop? Is there a cure for cutting, or will I always lapse back? If you can give me websites to go to, that would be extremely helpful.

I'm not going to do your homework for you and I've taken all my articles down out of fear of the copyright police but, yes, people definitely can stop. Most of what I've read points to a good amount of self-injurers 'aging' out of the behavior by the time they hit their 30s. This, of course, doesn't mean that people stop self-injuring and become happy or there are no self-injurers that are older and the word aging isn't meant to indicate that self-injury is immature. It all depends on the person and, of course, their history. As for the word, cure, I'd say using that is probably going to get the wrong sort of Google results. Something like self-injury isn't a behavior to be cured, it's something that one may replace with other healthier coping mechanisms, it's something that one replace with other behaviors that are self-destructive, it's something that can be treated and overcome, it's something that might be left behind as someone moves forward in life, it's something that someone might consider themselves recovered from yet end up turning to it during a horribly difficult period such as the time following the death of a loved one, divorce, etc., etc. It's varied since psychology is a soft science. There are no facts. I've read the profiles of self-injurers by supposed experts and most are barely a nodding acquaintance to me.

Look up Non-Suicidal Self Injury since they were looking into adding it into DSM-V.

Are there treatment centers that focus on self injury?

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Yes. The most famous is S.A.F.E. Alternatives that was based in Illinois and has branched out.

http://www.selfinjury.com/

Most of the others don't exclusively treat self-injury. Here are some resources: http://self-injury.net/resources/directory

I haven't done a go-round in about a year and a half but a good amount of them likely to be about.

I seem to be doing it wrong...

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I started cutting myself two nights ago. I've never been able to because I guess I'm too vain. I don't want to look down and see the scars. I watched my boyfriend write something in his arm and it seemed like he barely had to press for blood to come. So the other night I was drunk and hating myself and I thought, "If I could only see a drop..." In all I did ten small cuts: two above one hip, three below the same hip, one on the other hip, two on the side of my knee, one on my wrist, one on my upper arm. Not a single drop of blood. Am I not pressing hard enough? So far it hasn't helped a bit.. I feel stupid for not doing it right. I tried again on my knee and the cut looks bad cuz I couldn't keep the line straight. But still no blood! It almost makes me think I'm not meant to cut but... Who knows?

I don't think there's a way of doing it wrong though the severity often is the judge of how much or how little blood there is, so can the location and the person's body itself (e.g. stuff like low blood pressure or not enough hydration). Drinking can dehydrate you.

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Should i tell my favorite teacher i self injure?? will he be disappointed in me?

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He will likely have to report it, depending on the rules/laws in your country. If you're prepared for that and he is a trustworthy human being then I'd say go for it. However, in the US that means your parents will likely find out. I've heard of some teachers being the exception but that's not the usual case, far from it. His job is to make sure you get help.

Out of all self-injurers, what percent "get better"? or maybe i mean, how likely am i to ever feel better?

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maybe this is an impossible question to answer, sorry...

I don't think there's an exact percentage out there but I've read the following in a lot of places: by most self-injurer's late twenties to early thirties they've stopped. Not to say there are no older self-injurers or that some don't return briefly to it in times of great stress (divorce, death of a loved one, loss of employment, etc.) but a good chunk of people somehow stop and I'm pretty sure that there's a decent amount of these people who aren't in treatment or on medication.

My friend says I'm in denial about my SI. How do I stop denying that I have a problem and start accepting the harsh realities?

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By seeking treatment such as counseling and/or seeing a psychiatrist for evaluation. You might not have a mental illness but they're more likely to know how to treat you than your friends. However, be forewarned that finding a good one takes dedication.

By not lying when somebody (friends/family/therapist/psychiatrist) seriously asks how you are or asks if you've self-injured. I know it's easier to say 'I'm fine' or say you haven't self-injured. I still sometimes lie to this day and I'm in my twenties but things like addiction thrive on lies.

Is it considered "normal" to feel as though you are going inasane, due to SI?

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An obsession with or addiction to self-injury might lead to those feelings. However, it could also be due to a mental illness or stress as self-injury itself doesn't lead to madness. Have you ever been to see a psychiatrist?

i ve been cutting for ayear since was raped

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I'm not sure what the question was? All I'm seeing is 'i ve been cutting for ayear since was raped'.

Certainly rape can lead to the desire for self-destruction and you need to deal with your feelings about the rape to stop self-destructing.

how do i tell my dad.{my mom committed suicide 5 months ago}and ive been si for 2 years

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If you can't do it face to face maybe write him a letter. Let him know you're not considering leaving him by committing suicide (if this is true) and that you love him. Focus on how you and he can help each other get through this difficult time and what you need from him to feel better. I don't know how he's been after your mom's death but I know family can drift apart after something like that but let him know if there can be improvements made through talking or even family therapy. Let him know it's not his fault but that you need his love and support.

After that and if he responds then you can probably talk face to face. Note that there is no guarantee he'll react in a way that supports you but if you need support you should be free to ask him for it or let him know so he can pay for therapy or treatment so you can get the support you need.

Why do I like SI as much as I do? I seriously enjoy it and I know it's bad but I still like it.

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Probably because you get an endorphin rush and that tends to work pretty effectively for changing your negative emotions for a short time. Self-injury has plenty of negative long and short term results but it gets the job done for a lot of people amd that's why they like it.

I personally tend to find the blood a pretty addicting sight.

Is it normal to have shakey hands after cutting a lot? Is it from blood loss?

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Blood loss can cause you to go into shock, which can cause shaking and other symptoms like:

Confusion or decreasing alertness

Clammy skin

Dizziness or light-headedness after an injury

Low blood pressure

Paleness (pallor)

Rapid pulse, increased heart rate

Shortness of breath

Weakness

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However, self-injury also releases a load of endorphins into the body. You're tapping into pain and some pretty primitive bodily responses.

So, it could be blood loss or it might be those other things.

why, after so long, did i start back again?

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Because we remember what helped get us through a difficult time. I've heard of people who are much older turning back to self-injury, even if only for a short while, when something horrible happens like a loved one dying or even something like going through a divorce.

I know even though I don't think of myself as an active self-injurer I still self-injured when my sister was hospitalized because I felt helpless and afraid for her and I knew self-injury would help me through that especially difficult day (my birthday). I haven't really considered it again as a serious answer for the tough times I'm going through but at the time I felt it was the only answer.

I tried to kill myself 3 times and i am over it. How do i cut myself without my rents seeing?

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There's many ways to hide self-injury and I leave it up to each person to figure out because I don't want to be the person teaching them the tricks of the trade. Sorry. :)

What can i do to take the feeling away?

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I really want to harm i don't know how to take that feeling away without actually doing it. help!!

Doing other things aren't really going to take the feeling away the way self-injuring would but they can distract or otherwise change the feeling into something more positive. I think if you're looking for something that will work like an actual act of self-injury does then... I don't really know what to say. Maybe running or exercise that releases the same endorphins if that's what you're looking for out of self-injury?

There is a list of distractions on the site under Information & Recovery that can help distract you and with not focusing your attention on those negative feelings you can find the strength to not self-injury.

Recovery/resisting is difficult and oftentimes painful. It's the end result after learning new and more positive ways of coping that is supposed to be the reward.

Is it normal to miss cutting when trying to stop? Even to the point of tears?

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Definitely. I think it's very normal. Self-injury works to handle so many difficult emotions or it does things for you you'd find difficulty accomplishing elsewhere (like self-punishment). I'm not saying it's good but self-injury does these things and it's not easy to sort of start feeling those difficult emotions and not turning to self-injury.

It can also be a psychological addiction. It's normal to miss it when you've relied on it to handle things you otherwise have difficult in handling. Some people even see self-injury as a very real force in their lives, almost like a friend or lover.

Good luck with stopping.

Why is SI (mainly cutting) bad? I mean mine are never that deep cause they dont fade as fast and i need them to fade asap before my mom notices and sends me to the nut house. So why is what i'm doing so wrong?

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I wouldn't use the word wrong to describe it since I associate the words right and wrong with morals and that really has no place in the discussion.

I think people feel self-injury, cutting or any of its other forms, is bad because it's an immediate and visceral communication of painful feelings and that in itself is difficult for people to see in their loved ones. It's showing that the person does not care for themselves enough to keep themselves from pain, which is something most humans like to avoid.

I know when I learned of what some difficulties a loved one went through with suicidal impulses I started crying a few days later because it hurt that I had not noticed and that they had been in so much pain they had decided that they wanted to die. That may be seen as selfish, yadda, yadda, yadda but it's no more selfish than suicide itself is selfish (on the fence on that one). Both are selfish or none are selfish.

Loved ones may go through similar feelings when it comes to self-injury. They feel it's bad and that self-injury is an addiction that is hurting the person they love. Self-injury injury is a psychological addiction for some so that's not entirely invalid. They also see it as a hindrance to emotional healing for their loved one. How can the person they love heal when instead of turning for help or going to therapy or using other healthier coping skills they're self-injuring?

So I don't think it's bad (for me) since I identified as a self-injurer for quite a long time and still have my relapses but I can see why other people feel it's bad.

How do people stop cutting?

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They usually decide they're going to stop self-injuring for themselves and instead of leaving self-injury as their main option for negative emotions they move it down the list of things to do or eliminate it altogether.

They need to be be willing to feel negative and uncomfortable emotions without resorting to self-injury. They often have people to support them through tough times, be it therapists. friends, a significant other, or family. They may go through therapy to learn different ways to cope but not all people do that.

Some people sort of 'grow out of' self-injury naturally. I've seen studies that discuss how by people's thirties a lot of people have stopped self-injuring, some without any major attempt to stop self-injuring. This is not a rule but it's fairly common. There are still self-injurers older than that for those adult self-injurers thinking I'm cutting -- bad word choice -- out of the picture.

do you have any ideas on how 2get past an 'urge'

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its just im having this urge and i just really dont want to cut

Find something else to occupy your mind. Talk to somebody. Write. Draw. If it's safe and you're not eating disordered go running or exercise. Take a walk. Be willing to be uncomfortable the emotions the trigger has left you but instead of dwelling on it, do something else and reach out, reach out, reach out.

When I'm feeling triggered I usually talk with somebody. I also say things like, 'If I feel like self-injuring in six hours I will, but until then I won't.' Putting the time limit does help me because it doesn't leave me feeling helpless like saying, 'I won't self-injure' does. When the six or whatever amount of hours are up I am usually willing to do another countdown which is the general idea of it.

Why is it so hard to stop?

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I've been cutting since I was 11, so 6 years now. I was in therapy for a lot of that, but self harm never came up. I am in therapy again, and my self harm and purging is the reason why. I've tried to stop on my own, and all the things my therapist come up with (painting, drawing, poetry) don't help me control my feelings as well as a blade does. I really don't know what to do at this point. Any tips on ways to stop? And to prevent relapsing?

It's hard to stop because it is a psychological addiction. If you're looking for something that helps you do -- put x here -- that self-injury does for you then you're looking at it completely the wrong way. Painting, drawing, poetry, etc. is not going to act as a stand-in for self-injury. There is little chance it will be able to help you control your feelings as neatly and completely as self-injury because with self-injury you're flooding your body with endorphins, which you're not going to get with any of the activities you mentioned.

To stop you need to want to stop. Not half-heartedly. You have to want to to stop for you. You also have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to feel uncomfortable emotions without turning to self-injury or other forms of self-destruction.

It's never going to be as simple as painting something when you're triggered and finding that it fills the hole self-injury left behind in your coping skills. You need to build new coping skills, you need to feel that triggered feeling and deliberately turn elsewhere.

Maybe reach out to others instead of such passive things (writing, drawing, painting), those are mainly alone activities. I'm not just talking about through the Internet either.

Good luck. :)

My daughter is cutting & burning - what can I do?

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Hello, my name is Jeff. My daughter of 14 is cutting herself with broken glass. Two weeks ago she burnt herself on her arms and thigh. She does have anger issues, her mother and I divorced 10 years ago and she moved the children 1,000 miles away from me. We are now 20 minutes away having recently moved closer to my children and my parents. She is an incredibly intelligent person, wonderful soft and gentle most of the time, but it has been clear that she has hurt for years. There may be other issues of which I am unaware. I know she says that she cannot speak with her mother because she doesn't listen. I am very worried, and over the burning I am angry because she said that she'd dropped a kettle while at our house, which we know is untrue because they're clearly cigarette burns that she needed surgery for. I thought she was seeking attention, might need psychiatric intervention, could be on drugs and myriad other thoughts until I started reading about the behaviour. Now I am more concerned. I know we cannot change other people, we have to accept people for who they are, we change when the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of changing. (Ask me, I drank myself into that position, until over 10 yrs ago I joined AA). It is her lies that bother me more than that she is cutting and burning herself. I can handle the notion that she could be injuring herself for whatever reason, but I would rather she be up-front about it when asked. Is self-injury also addictive? Is it done because there is suppressed emotion that cannot be dealt with in other ways? Are drugs involved? I ask this forum, rather than the medical forum per se because the voice of experience is the best opinion to listen to to really understand. What do I as father need to do and be for my child? I cannot save her from this behaviour, what needs to be in place for her to remedy it herself - if this is indeed required?

Most self-injurers attempt to hide the fact they self-injure and many will lie. That can be because of shame, because they don't want to admit they're self-injuring, because they're afraid of the consequences, etc.

It's not an addiction in the same way of alcohol which is both physically and psychologically addicting. Self-injury has the potential to be psychologically addicting.

People self-injure because they're trying to cope with certain emotions by eliminating or otherwise changing it through an act of self-injury, because they're trying to punish themselves, to dissociate or stop dissociating, etc.

I wouldn't say it's the same as drugs though it can help people not deal with their issues. I remember when the AA people came to the psychiatric hospital I was in and they emphasized that drugs lead to institutions, jail, or death which generally isn't the case for self-injurers, minus the institutions part.

What you can do is let her know that you are there for her are are willing to talk to her to help her through difficult times. When you find out that she has self-injured and has been hiding it don't focus on the fact that she's been lying because that generally will not lead her to want to trust you.

She needs to figure out why she's self-injuring and be willing to stop for herself. You can help but she needs to be willing to help herself first and foremost.

how do i stop cutting?

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You have to decide if you really want to stop self-injuring. If you're currently addicted your decision has to be firm and it has to be for yourself. Don't stop for your friends, your mom, your dad. It's for you or it's going to be tough.

You have to realize there's no substitution for self-injury. At least not anything that's not self-destructive. I don't recommend the rubber band method or holding ice because I find that just a weaker form of self-injury. No marks but self-injury nonetheless and still not facing the feelings that caused you to want to self-injure.

You also have to be willing to feel emotionally uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because you're not going to self-injure when a thought or feeling comes up that you don't like and that causes you to want to self-injure. Instead you're going to talk to somebody, do something self-soothing that is safe, write it out, draw it out, etc. Doing something positive that's not going to hurt you is a start, being able to figure out how to work through those feelings is extra bonus and is usually done in therapy.

Therapy and/or treatment of any psychological issues is good. There's no guarantee you have a mental illness so I'm not saying you do. Some self-injurers do, some don't. Some of those who do need medication, some only need therapy, some need both.

Good luck!

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what make up is good for covering fresh cuts, i need them completely covered for wednesday...?

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Now that I haven't the faintest clue because putting makeup on a wound isn't very sanitary and can lead to infection if they're open or otherwise not healed up enough.

I'm not sure of the location or the occasion but perhaps sweatbands, bracelets, a corsage, armbands?

Should I stop cutting?

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I really want to stop cutting and I believe I can, but I don't know if its the right choice. Its bad, but it does help. I want to know if I should stop or keep doing it.

It helps but will there be consequences down at a place of employment from scars? Will it make a difference to a future lover/significant other/spouse if you have new cuts, if you have scars? How long do you plan on self-injuring?

It's really all up to you. I can say it's bad and that the positive benefits are temporary but there are people who have told me that self-injury was the only thing that kept them from suicide or behavior that was more damaging than self-injury in their lives. I think something like stopping when you're using it as a crutch should be done with ideas of what you're going to do to distract yourself, with ideas of how you're going to cope with being emotionally uncomfortable because you inevitably will come across situations where self-injuring seems the easiest and quickest option to emotional relief or whatever it is that self-injury does for you.

I personally decided to stop self-injuring because the positive benefits of self-destruction were outweighed by the negatives of my mental illness. I went back to it for about six months two years later but overall I've stopped. Overall I've found it to be a positive experience. Yes, I have to deal with painful situations without resorting to self-injury, I am sometimes tempted to self-injure. There are negatives, as with anything but I've also gained more confidence in my ability to deal with negative situations and have become closer with the people in my life now that they don't feel they have to worry about my self-injuring.

How far to I let my husbands self-inflicated injury go before I find a hospital? With no-insurance not sure what to do?

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My husband is a self-injurer. I have observed that alcohol plays a huge part in his self-depreciation and gets him to the point emotionally that he cuts, bangs his head against mirror's or recently out a window, and gritting his teeth so bad it sounds like they are going to fall out. He is now visiting a therapist, cut off all ties with his family, and trying to get better. However, he seems to have gotten worse. Before his cutting was small and maybe only a couple of swipes but now, he has sliced up both wrists and yesterday, took a broken glass and made slashes from one side of his chest and stomach to the other. Even though the cuts are bigger they are not deep and I always catch him after. Of course, when I walk in I freak out because I don't know how much further he is going to go. Am I going to go home and find him dead? I try to show and say and prove that I am there for him. But I am not his mother, I am not his father, I am not his siblings. They don't even call anymore because they are afraid of what he will say to them. They threw him away as a child, then again as a teenager. Do I call them and tell them to call him... and just say you F***ing love him and are sorry? Would it even help at this point? He has been abandoned so much, how do I prove that I am there to stay. We have been married 6 years, and together 5 years before that. He hid the self injury for years. In fact I didn't even suspect until about three years ago and only then it was small. He usually just drank himself into oblivion and passed out. But about four months ago, he seemed to get worse. What do I need to do as a spouse who wants to help him?

That's a tough question. Therapy could certainly make things get worse before they get better because he's talking about the issues in his life that have hurt him the most deeply. Therapy isn't an easy experience and he's talking through some serious, painful issues that wouldn't come up often outside of therapy and they're coming up on a regular basis.

Have you talked with his therapist? Has you and he ever seen his therapist together to come up with a plan on how to deal with daily life as he's dealing with all these emotional issues? I'd approach him about it because it's important to take care of *you*. He's your husband and he's going through a very difficult time but your emotional distress is important too and you shouldn't be left to deal without guidance.

Sometimes loved ones of self-injurers even do short-term therapy (or however long) for themselves to learn how to deal with their reactions because as important as he is if you're not emotionally supported in this it can trigger its own difficulties. If he doesn't want to let you borrow his therapist for a joint session make you can do a few sessions with a therapist you can see as a couple? I know without insurance this is more difficult but I think you need to be able to talk with a therapist about him and talk about how it's affecting you and how you can support one another.

You are his wife and both of you are in this together, it shouldn't become a situation where it's all him. I'm not saying that this is deliberately done by him but I know when I was ill my mother put aside family and self to support me and I know that it wasn't healthy for my family.

I'd say hospitalization if you feel he's a danger to himself. If there's suicide in the picture, permanent physical harm, or if he's no longer about to function.

Does anyone else scratch themselves with a razor blade from a disposable razor like I do?

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I'm 15 and I scratch myself with a razor that I got from a disposable razor. I haven't seen any stories like mine on here and I was wondering if anyone does that too? I mean, it's not extreme, but I suppose it's self-injury...

It is self-injury and I'm sure other people have done it. I assume the difference is that it's scratching, not cutting.

I've used disposable razors for cutting and for scratching I've used everything from broken off caps from little shampoo bottles (the kind you get from a hotel) to the usual fingernails.

what is your motovation for stopping SI

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if you stopped or are planning on stopping, what is your motovation?

I'm currently working on not self-injuring and my motivation is that I was scared out of my wits after I was taken off a medication and experienced my symptoms of schizophrenia in a way that I never had before. I had actually disagreed with the psychiatrist's diaognosis up until then and it made me realize that I never wanted to be that helpless again.

Not to say I haven't self-injured since then but during the time I experienced those symptoms in a way that impaired my life I self-injured perhaps two or three times. I didn't miss it. I was too terrified of the world and the people in it for it to seem like it mattered. I had been comfortable with being depressed but these symptoms I could definitely not be comfortable with. After that I didn't self-injure for a year and a few months, slipped up, another year, and then I returned to self-injuring more frequently for about six or so months.

I haven't self-injured since the Spring. I don't miss it but I've caught myself a few times thinking of it and contemplating whether or not I should. I just need to be in control and self-destruction and little regard for my mental health no longer feels like control. That's the bottom line.

Is a cutter always a 'cutter'?

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I assume you're talking about using the term when the self-injurer in question does not use cutting as their main method or even as a method at all.

I personally don't use the term 'cutter' very often because there are so many different methods of self-injury, so many preferences a self-injurer has in terms of methods.

Some self-injurers never cut or have only cut once or twice. It wouldn't make sense to call them a 'cutter'. Some burn, some hit themselves, some scratch, etc.

If there were a self injury support group in your area, would you go?

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I am thinking of creating a support group in my community, but I don't know if people would go. Would you?

http://tchikidavis.weebly.com/

I personally wouldn't go regularly because I can barely remember to make it to therapy once a week and I'm doing all right with self-injury at the moment. If I were struggling with self-injury a lot I would definitely be happy to have such a resource there.

One of my visits in the hospital they spent time trying to find a self-injury group in the general area and came up with nothing. I had been wanting to talk with people outside of my therapist or the Internet about self-injury.

There are people who would go, people who wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. I'd just say give it a go and let people know about it through your website and put it in the directory here and advertise anyplace else they let you put listings in. I've known other self-injurers interested in support groups but were unable to find one in their area.

how do you go about recovering?

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I really didn't know whether this question would be classed as self-injury or Other mental health issues.

I recently found out that I am ADHD. it didn't really change my life because it was already effecting me. I cut myself when i find it hard to cope with my ADHD. at first i didn't know why but i think, now that i know about the ADHD its just a way to relieve the stress of it and to kind of cool down and be in control. I've cut myself countless times but compared to other cases I've seen my cuts were pretty shallow and small, that comforted me some. even though its not that bad i would still like stop cutting. I've tried to stop cold turkey but I found myself getting stressed and when i finally went back to it, I realized i was cutting deeper than before. that's how i ended up on this site, asking for help. please give me suggestions on other ways to help control my ADHD and to stop this useless self harming.

Do you have access to any medications for ADHD? That's generally how I hear about it being controlled. I'm sure there is also Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (*not* talk therapy) for it which might help you figure out how to manage it. I'd personally consult with a professional to help with the ADHD since I don't think it's something you can just get out of a self-help book the way you might do with minor depression.

If the ADHD is truly what's driving your self-injury once you have it under control then the rest should fall into place. Otherwise, the way to stop self-injuring is different for everybody but shares a few key points.

You need to do it for you. Not your significant other, not your mom, etc.

You need to want to stop, truly deep down want to stop. Not 'well, I want to stop but...'

You're going to be uncomfortable. Instead of turning to self-injury it's just going to be you in your own skin dealing with some uncomfortable moments and learning other more health ways to cope.

If you slip up, you're going to have to realize it's not the end of the world. Acknowledge it and move on. Don't mentally or physically beat yourself up over it.

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What are some things to do instead of cutting?

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I've been cutting for 4 plus years and i was able to keep it a secret for most of thie time. I really want to stop but it's gotten to the point were every little thing makes me want to cut. What are some subsitutions for cutting that i can do. I've already relapsed a couple times and my friends are thinking about putting me on suicide watch.

Need lots of help

Love Forensicchik

The difficult things is... there are no substitutions. There are distractions but there is nothing that can substitute it.

I know some people do the rubber band method or other ways involving minor bits of pain but that's not really dealing with it. They are just minor forms of self-injury. Exercise is one method that does involve pain, gets the stress out, and is healthy.

I'd say:

running (in a safe place).
exercise
swimming
reading
movie/television
writing out your feelings
writing creatively (poetry, short story, novel, random bits of prose)
doing some other creative things like drawing, other art, playing an instrument, singing, creating a song, etc.
spending time with a safe person
talking with a safe person
going out to a place you can have fun, whatever that is for you, but is still safe for you
take a nap
give yourself a time frame of when it's ok to self-injure (three hours) and then in three hours decide whether you can go another hour or three and go from there
dance
play some sort of game, whether it be a video game or online game or card game
don't be afraid to reach out if you need it

There's a longer list under Information & Recovery.

How can I help my adult daughter who cuts? I ache for her and she is often hostile when I try to talk about it...

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All you really can do is let her know you'll be there to support her if she wants support from you. Also, that you love her. There's no guarantee she'll want to stop or want your support. She's an adult so there's not much you can do without her agreeing to it.

How do I hide SI scars without covering it up with clothing?

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Are there certain types of make up that work best to cover scars? My normal foundation is pretty much useless. I'm sick of wearing jeans all year long. :(

I've personally never used makeup to cover up scars but there's a website online that goes over some different types of makeup for different types of scars. Very basic but gives a start off point: http://www.ehow.com/how_4920602_apply-makeup-cover-scars.html

why do people get upset when i cut?

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For family and friends it tends to be because it hurts on an emotional level to see one's loved one self-injure, the self-injurer's wounds are a physical sign of their inner turmoil, whether overall or at the moment they self-injured. It's also visceral.

I'm both a self-injurer and a daughter of a former self-injurer. It's not easy on either side of the fence. When my father and I first talked after he found out I self-injured he punched himself in the face. Startling and rather frightening even though he had self-injured prior to that and I myself had self-injured by that point.

Self-injury, whether or not we want to believe it, does affect the people who care for us. Unless one is a hermit it's hard to have everybody approve or turn a blind eye. The funny thing is, I've heard more than one self-injurer become upset when people ignore it. I definitely don't think it's because they want people fawning over it but complete lack of acknowledgement that one is hurting or in need of a friendly ear is painful in a different way to the sometimes hysterical responses to acts of self-injury that many self-injurers dread.

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should i tell my boyfriend?

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I have recently gained a new boyfriend and we are very much in love ;) i havent self harmed in over a year but unfortunatly rencently had a relapse but just this once and i do not know whether to tell him or just hide it or what please help!

I think it depends on your sense of where the relationship is heading. It probably would be better to talk about it in case there are other relapses or if you're struggling. I don't know what sort of self-injury you practice, whether or not it has left scars, and also if your relapse has left some sort of mark... but if you are mutually in love and you want a future with him I'm not sure attempting to conceal it is the best start, especially since it's not a thing that is completely in the past. Also, his reaction if he later finds out you've been concealing it from him, issues of trust are tricky.

However, you must know up front that not every significant other is equipped to deal with self-injury or wants to deal with self-injury. There is no guarantees on his reaction so, ultimately, the decision is up you and if you think the relationship is established/strong enough to deal with an issue like self-injury.

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I'm curious the age range with this SI...I'm thinking it's wide spread. ?

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Most people seem to agree that the biggest group of self-injurers are in their teens and twenties but there are a fair amount of self-injurers who are are younger or older. I've heard of quite a few people saying they began self-injuring as children, often related to abuse or stress at home/school or some other form of trauma.

From what I've read in the past the big numbers go down by the time the general self-injury population reaches their thirties. However, there are people who self-injure beyond that and I've spoken with self-injurers in their fifties.

Are we protecting others by directing it toward ourselves? I mean, is that what we think we're doing?

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They say that self injury is due to wanting to feel alive. I get that. But I think it's more about release and control. Release of negative emotions that we don't want to inflict upon others. Release of pain that we no longer want weighting our chests. Release of negative voices that tell us how utterly useless we are.

To me. I see self inury as a way to "get out" all of the negativity. It's safe because we aren't hurting or including anyone else. We're not inflicting pain on anyone else, like we have suffered. We break the abusive cycle......only to create another. We must struggle and fight our way past this and find new ways to release all the bad.

I'm here for you...if I can help.

and trust me...I've been there. I've done it.

-JayLynn

I think there are so many different reasons for self-injury and self-injurers from all walks of life... that I don't agree. I've seen self-injurers who post who are abusive towards their children or who put their children in abusive or otherwise negative situations because they don't care enough for their own selves, their own happiness, to work towards lifting themselves out of the negativity that tends to drive a lot of self-injurers.

I am the daughter of a former self-injurer who was verbally and emotionally abusive. When he found out I was self-injuring he punched himself in the face, his glasses caught, and he started bleeding. That was the overt. There was also the covert where he would beat his legs black and blue after screaming at me or one of my siblings.

I think that it's nice to think that by self-injuring and not learning to deal with pain or negativity in a less self-destructive way we are saving others pain but I think that the best way to save others pain is to learn to deal with our pain and transform it into something better.

I can't say I've never caused anybody pain by self-injuring. I've screamed, thrown accusations, struck out physically with my nails (though not since my teens), etc. I remember all the tears and pain my family has gone through during all these dark years. Most of the time they remain unaware of individual acts of self-injury but the mental illness that is behind my self-injury and other self-destructive tendencies, the self-hatred, the physical scars, they are completely aware of and it has caused a lot of pain.

Self-injury does not exist in a vacuum and I don't think self-injury is a cure for abuse -- either sexual, physical or verbal/psychological -- directed towards children or other people. If people are going to abuse, they are going to abuse whether or not self-injury is in the picture.

Bottom line, treatment of past abuse or treatment of an underlying mental illness or treatment of whatever other stressors drive self-injury will do far more towards making a self-injurer good to themselves or other people than self-injury.

what do i do??

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i have had on and off depression for the past 4 years i have tried to kill myself several times. my mum doesnt want me taking antidepressants but just as i think my life is getting better and i am better it all falls apart. i cant stop self harming and i feel i have reached the point were my life is supposed to end. please help me what so i do? x

You need treatment. It doesn't sound like you're able to do it on the very limited support you're getting and that's perfectly normal. A lot of people with major depression, well, it's a mental illness, you can't just overcome it because somebody else feels you should.

If you feel you're going to kill yourself then get treatment NOW because there's no guarantee you'll make it through another suicide attempt. Is there any way your mother will help if you're suicidal now, at least get you into some sort of intensive treatment? You need more than just weekly therapy if you feel this suicidal. If not, you may need to seek help from another trustworthy adult (be careful on that one).

What are her reasons for no medication? I know that some parents are scared because some anti-depressants actually cause some teenagers to feel more suicidal. It has to be done carefully under a psychiatrist's supervision

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What do I do when even doctor's have lost hope in me?

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What do I do when even doctor's have lost hope in me? They refer me to other doctors and just give up on me. I need help. It's made me lose any of the hope I had left to get better. Now I just plain don't know what to do. I got released from the Renfrew center. I am now doing day treatment, but they say it's not helping and I should try something else. New doctors. But I've already been seeing psychiatrists and therapists for 5 years. It hasn't helped. What else is there??

You move on from those doctors and find new people. You don't give up on yourself. You don't let their opinions bring you down since their saying you're a hopeless case doesn't mean you need to fulfill their expectations. It doesn't mean they're right. Doctors are not always right when it comes to saying somebody is hopeless.

It wasn't expected for me to live past my 21st birthday. By my family. I'd been through multiple therapists, multiple doctors, multiple psychiatric hospitals (sort of went through a few of them over and over again), been on so many medications I couldn't remember them all, etc. I didn't have an ED but something that was simple for my peers was considered monumental for me.

I still struggle. Still do self-destructive things sometimes. Still have negative thoughts. I also have my work, I have my education, I have my friends and family, I have good days. I have something worth living for. It took time to figure out what it was and that nobody would be able to give me that except me. You have to figure out your own life, one that isn't connected to self-destruction or self-injury or being miserable day in and day out. That doesn't mean you'll never have days you want to give up and go back to the self-destructive life but it means you'll have something other than just that life to turn to.

By Renfrew I assume you mean the residential treatment center for eating disorders. If so, I'd definitely not give up because giving up when it comes to eating disorders or self-destruction can mean you'll go too far and permanently fuck yourself up in a way that you'll have to deal with for the rest of your life or you could die. That is a choice you'll have to make since it is that: a choice. Being mentally ill is not a choice but giving yourself over to self-destruction is.

Don't give up. There is always hope. I'm not bullshitting and I have been there and I am sometimes still there.

Feeling suicidal?

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What do I do when I'm feeling suicidal?
I wanted to take so many pills today to have an overdose. Not to kill me..but just so people will notice I'm in pain. I didn't, but It feels like I need to be taken care of. I can't take care of myself or control myself it seems.

If you want to be taken care of in a setting where your means of attempting suicide are limited psychiatric hospitalization may help. Not to say it's a fun place but it could be a place to get away from the stressors in your life and regain energy to keep on going.

If you don't or can't be hospitalized then talking with friends and/or family and/or your significant other -- if you have one -- can also be a start. Having someone right next to you, helping talk you through it, can help keep you from attempting suicide and also will fulfill your need to be taken care of at that moment.

There are better means of getting people see that you're in pain than overdosing. Especially since overdosing doesn't just leave scarring, it can basically end your life as you know it (and I'm not just talking about death).

Talk, talk forcefully, be sure you get the help you need. If you're willing, try therapy. If you want to try medication, try that. Let the people that matter know that you need them to be there (allow it to be within reason, of course). If the people that matter can't help you or are burned out turn to professional help since that's what they are there for. It doesn't always happen on the first, second, tenth, etc. try. Your voice should be heard. Don't let other people silence you.

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Is it wrong to not want to quit?

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Not wanting to quit.

In my opinion, no, it's not wrong. Other people may feel that is wrong to say but wanting to quit is a big part of recovery when you still have the feelings that made you self-injure in the first place.

You may not be ready. Some people never want to quit and as long as that doesn't keep them from living the lives they want to live then nothing wrong with that. If you're not ready, nothing wrong with that.

Some people -- many people -- would disagree with me. For some it's the thought that your body 'is a temple' or at least should not be harmed, a though sometimes based on religion or just 'common sense'. Other people feel that people cannot live fulfilling lives while self-injuring and instead feel that self-injurers are miserable and/or unable to function in the real world. That self-injurers may not be able to function is true for some people but not for others, there are professionals who self-injure.

So, all in all, whether or not it's wrong will be different for every person you ask or at least will be worded in a different way. I'm not saying people should continue self-injuring but it's not something I feel is a question of right or wrong.

substitutions

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iam 16 years old and i have been cutting myself since i was 13 and burning myself for two years.
iam really tring hard to stop, its even been over a month. i still get those intense urges to cut or burn, and they are almost irresistable.
does anyone know any methods to substitute the feeling of self injuring? except for a rubber band, and ice and all that stuff i already know about those methods, i need something that will hurt good with out leaving a mark. any suggestion?

Hurting 'good' will mean it's still self-injury. It's not a substitution, no need to change names. I consider the ice and rubber band methods rather stupid, it's like cutting down to a pack a day instead of three packs a day. It's not true quitting.

Not that I'm saying you have to stop self-injuring. It's entirely up to you but don't be fooled by these lesser forms of self-injury as being anything but.

However, there is a thing or two that can hurt but isn't self-injury. I remember once reading about biting into a hot pepper to substitute for self-injury. It certainly will hurt and it's socially acceptable and will not leave a mark. Working out can release chemicals that cause pain and also cause a bit of a natural high. The latter is only good if you don't have an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia.

I think it's important to note that you will never substitute the feeling of self-injury without self-injuring. It's like how a drug addict will not be able to substitute the feeling of their drug of choice without taking that drug or another mind altering substance, legal or not. To recover you will need to be able to be uncomfortable and have urges. There are the lists of distractions and such but nothing will be like self-injury.

I'm not saying this to dissuate you but it's very difficult to achieve recovery if you're holding the illusion that there is a substitution that feels the same as self-injury.

Trapped in My Body

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I feel trapped in my body. I want to chop all of my fat off with a saw.
It has to do with my recovering from anorexia, I know. But when I cut..it feels better, not as good as starving, though. But I am still trapped. I'm 5'5 and 120 and I wish they would let me have surgery for all the fat to be removed. How can I not feel so trapped?

It all depends on why you're so desperate to be thin. Societal pressures, familial pressures, not wanting your body to reach maturiy (i.e. wanting to make it childlike forever), etc., etc. To not feel so trapped you'd have to let go of anorexia and realize you will never attain what your mind wishes to accomplish, not because you do not have an ability to be thin (you are not fat) but because onc a certain weight is reached your mind isn't satisfied. A person with anorexia - recovering or not - does not look at their body objectively so until the anorexia is addressed and dealt with it's doubtful that you'll ever feel thin even if you drop into the double digits. How to deal with it is different for everybody.

Cutting with less Scarring

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What certain areas of the body are less likely to scar?
And is there a way to cut that leads to less scarring?

From my experience wherever I've cut I've scarred. It all depended on what I used and how I used it.

Yes, not deep and not using a blade that is rather blunt/serrated forcefully (meaning, not sawing at your skin). The whisper thin razorblades scarred less than my ones of choice. However, some of my biggest scars are from blades available in the nearest store, there are really no guarantees.

Taking care of the wound and applying something like neosporin can help make it scar less. Also, don't pick at it or put anything nasty in there, keep it clean.

Places to Cut?

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What is the best place to cut?...like where you feel it the most. And is also less likely to be seen by people?

That would edge into giving tips. I'm all for people figuring it out themselves.

For where it'd be best not seen. Obvious, really, depending on your clothing choice and whether or not you're willing to wear long sleeves and/or pants year round.

Cleaning a Cut

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What is the best way to clean a cut?

Taken from my message board. I'm no doctor so take all this with a grain of salt. Don't hesitate to contact a health professional

1. Stop the bleeding. If necessary, apply pressure. If the wound does not stop bleeding after twenty to thirty minutes seek medical attention.
2. Wash the wound with lots of clean water.
3. Neosporin or other ointments applied with a clean swab or gauze can be used on wounds that aren't very deep and should be applied in a thin layer after the wound has been cleansed.
4. Keep the wound clean and dry between washings. Dressing or covering the wound can help keep it from getting dirty.
5. If too deep, don't hesitate to get stitches. However, don't wait too long because after a certain time frame doctors won't do it. Surgical tape can keep minor wounds together, this can lead to less scarring.
6. If the wound becomes red, hot, or if there is pus seek medical attention.

If you're using ointment it can be applied to up to three times a day but don't apply to a wound that not been cleaned well and don't apply too much ointment onto the wound because the moisture will attract bacteria.

Do I even WANT to recover?

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I have heard 'coping skills' only work if you truly want to recover. But I don't really don't know if I want to. From the eating disorder and cutting. Is there a way for me..to want to recover? To get to that point?

Most people either 'grow out of it' - though I'm not talking about the move from adolescence to adulthood - or hit rock bottom to get to recovery. For the former, it's not as much recovery as it is moving on to a new point in life. For the latter, it's survival. After a certain point mental illness and/or self-destruction is unfeasible. Further yet, there are those people who self-injure infrequently and have jobs and relationships and marriages and who aren't ruled by their self-injury. It is something they do, not something that rules them.

It's cliched but if one is addicted to self-destruction it usually takes hitting complete rock bottom once, twice, fifteen times until it becomes clear that that is not how they want to live out the rest of their lives. Even then, sometimes the pull of it is too strong because self-destruction can become a way of living, coming as naturally as breathing.

It took the emergence of schizophrenia for me to get to that point. I loved self-injuring, I loved hospitalizations, I was comfortable and secure with depression. It really hit me out of nowhere and losing control of my mind like that made me realize I did not want to take my medications off and on, that I did not need therapy to decide that becoming worst would mean losing any sense of self I had.

You need to become uncomfortable and tired of being uncomfortable. That sounds stupid because most people would think who wants to self-injure and have an eating disorder but, really, to some people it's all they know, it's what makes them feel good, it's a sense of self.

Wanting to stop doesn't have to happen today, tomorrow, in a year, in five years. Some people never want to stop. However, it's more than possible and I can guarantee that though there's nothing that can feel the same as self-injuring or self-destruction there's plenty of good mixed with the bad out there.

Coping Skills Not Working

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What do you do if you have tried every coping skill, and nothing equals that sting of relief with cutting? What do you do if nothing feels the same as the numbing of starvation? I've recovered from anorexia because of my health, but nothing feels as good as restricting. Cutting is a distant second. All of the stupid 'coping skills' don't help me. Medicine, therapists, etc don't help me. What will?

What helps is wanting to stop, deep down in your guts wanting to stop. No 'well, this feels better' because it's guaranteed that nothing will feel as good as starving or self-injury at this point. If you're looking for that substitution you've set yourself up for failure. Sort of how like a drug user will not find a substitution for heroin or crack cocaine or whatever they use.

To recover you have to know that it's not going to be easy, you have to want to with every bit of yourself, you have to know you will be very uncomfortable at times, you have to realize you won't find anything that feels as good as starving or cutting, you have to let self-destruction go.

Some people do phase out of it but that doesn't sound like where you're at. That wasn't where I was at, either. I didn't entertain the thought of recovery until a year of living with the symptoms of schizophrenia. It made me realize I don't want that life anymore, I don't want to live my life in fear. If it hadn't been for that, I think I'd still be harming myself. It shook me out of the complacency I was in, the comfort zone I was in. Depression isn't easy but there's something very comforting about it to some people and that was me.

There are no guarantees. To be quite honest, I never put into use all those 'coping skills' lists that I learned from my multiple hospitalizations, nor the ones my therapist taught me, nor the ones on the Internet. I never did the 'homework' I'd be given by mental health care workers. I thought it was useless, I still think it's useless for me. I had to hit the point where it was giving way to voices/fear/paranoia/delusions and guaranteeing me a life where it was fear and not me in charge or recovery. I chose recovery... and the only thing I used off those coping skills lists was writing poetry, artwork, making websites, writing scripts, and talking to people when I was slipping under again. I would have done all of those except for talking with people anyway.

Not that I'm saying that coping skills are useless. It's just that the ones on those lists for ways not to self-injure aren't what leads to recovery. I think that's a common misconception. You do the coping skills on those lists and you start feeling better is what seems to be said. To me, a lot of them are just trying to stave off those negative feelings and hoping they go way, they don't really change what brought about those feelings.

Though there are the coping skills that are more in depth than that. The ones that involve investment.

Recovery is different for everybody and for those people who aren't going to phase out of it the answers are a lot deeper and more personal than those coping skills/distractions lists.

You can get better, there is hope. Maybe like me, your path won't be the one therapists and hospitals say are the answers. Not that I'm saying treatment is useless but it's only one component, the rest is all you.

Last Chance?

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I have been on 23 different meds in the past 4 years- None have worked. I self-harm, have anorexia on-off (gained 35lbs since anorexic and they say im 'skinny') I was 5'5 and 87lbs on a medium build...now 122lbs. Now it's bulimia, and bad depression. I've seen multiple nutritionists, therapists, psychiatists. I've tried Intensive Outpatient treatment for cutting. No results. I can't have electric shock therapy because of a concussion head injury. I'm going to Renfrew Eating Disorders hospital in a month. How can I have hope that this will help since NOTHING has helped?

There's no easy answer to this.

I'll go a bit into my own story because yours sounds familiar in some ways.

I struggled for over eight years but didn't stop self-injuring until about two years ago. I did the whole thing, therapy, multiple hospitalizations, twenty-something different medications, but didn't 'recover' until after a year with living with the symptoms of schizophrenia. I think that was rock bottom, I lived in terror, thought people were trying to hurt me, following me on the freeway, talking about me, and I also had some issues with voices. What eight years of depression with extensive treatment did not accomplish one year with schizophrenia did. I put aside all the issues that had kept me behind, I did not leave room for the self-destructive streak. Instead of relying on only the outside world to help me, I worked with what I'd learned in treatment actively. How I did so? No idea. The only thing I can think of is that I was sick and tired of being sicked and tired, to be cliche.

There's always hope. It can come out of a big fancy program, it can come out of something else. It depends on what your mental illness is, some require lifelong treatment. There's really no one way of recovering. The only requirement is that you want to wholeheartedly - the deep down in your gut want to without any doubts or hemming and hawing - and that you don't give up. There are no miracle cures. There are no guarantees. There is hope.

I thought I'd be dead by now. I'm not. I'm not perfect but life is good.

Coping Skills

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What is the best alternative besides cutting?

This one is subjective. Some people begin to find their coping skills by looking at the list of distractions that float around the internet. self-injury.net's is here: http://self-injury.net/information-recovery/recovery/distractions . However, the distractions list should only be the starting point.

It's important you find what can stand in for self-injury for you. Whether it be gathering a circle of support - friends, family, therapists/psychiatrists, etc. - and contacting somebody from that circle of support to talk when you feel you might self-injure. Other people may not want to talk at all. They'd rather write out their feelings or draw or do something creative that instead of staving off the feelings of self-injury in hopes they might dissipate expresses the thoughts or feelings behind the craving to harm themselves. Other people might exercise (so long as this isn't done in conjunction with an eating disorder) or engage in a sport so they might physically get out the feelings that get them wanting to self-injure. At least for that particular triggering time.

I'm wary of the distractions/coping skills that call for things like holding ice or snapping a rubberband against the skin. While not exactly the same as cutting, burning, etc. these rely on physical pain to get people to feel better. They are lesser forms. Which is all well and good for a time but without a stronger foundation for coping, for getting out the feelings that lead to self-injury, then it's really just the same thing, except without the scarring.

People don't all respond the same so you might need to go through the distractions list or the ones I've mentioned and find which appeals. It's good to see a counselor or therapist if you think it might be helpful so that they might be a more neutral support system (if they are a good therapist, a number of therapists are unequipped to deal with self-injury in a positive way) and so that they might guide you into finding your ideal way of coping.

Site (8)

How does the new site work?

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I've been gone a while,and we got a computer back..But..how in the world do the site work now?? Lol,i've checked on phones,and other stuff,but i'm compleatly confused right now!! Thankss

Are you on a phone or a computer? If it's displaying without styles (white and black, no colors) you'll have to do a hard refresh or empty your cache (http://www.wikihow.com/Clear-Your-Browser's-Cache).

The navigation for your account has moved to the pinkish bar below the header (should contain Dashboard, My Profile, and so on, which have dropdowns). It also has the link to create content such as blogs, poems, etc.

Anything in particular you're confused about?

Blog

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Hello

I was wondering how do u write a blog entry , wich one should i pick out of the ones you can write on?

There's a link to it under 'Blogs' and under 'Create Content' and also in your Dashboard. :)

http://self-injury.net/node/add/blog

how will i know when i get points?

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i cant chat because i dont have enough points. i uploaded a user picture. when/ how will i know if i get points?

You need a certain amount of points, somewhere between seven and fifteen. Then you can chat. I'll 'ok' them for you. I wasn't on the past two days so I wasn't able to 'ok' them.

You get points for rating/voting, adding blogs and other items, adding statuses, adding a user image, adding comments, etc.

How does the point system work?

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Hello and thank you again for making this site. Quick question: How does the point system work exactly? How do you earn them? I've done several posts and comments, but still have 0. I'm just wondering because I would like to be able to chat and make my blogs public. Thanks for your time. Have a wonderful day. :)

You have 0 because I've been manually validating and wasn't around the past day or two. :)

It's just a tally of user activity on the site such as posts, comments, adding a user picture, people voting for things you've posted, etc. I only added so that when people reach a certain amount of points they will automatically be bumped up a user level and they will be able to publish a blog post without me having to validate it. Then, after a certain point they will be able to publish items under Creativity without me having to validate it. The validation system is around to keep as much spam as possible out and to keep things fairly safe around here (not to do with triggers).

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How do I do a status update? And how do I write a blog update?

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To do a status update click on 'Post to Status' on your left, it should be in the section that says your username and has other links to various user sections.

http://self-injury.net/share-status

To post to you blog go to where it says 'Create content' on the left and it should be there.

http://self-injury.net/node/add/blog

If you want to share, what is it that sparked you wanting to self harm? Where did you get the idea?

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I got the idea from my priest though he certainly didn't intend it. I was very religious at the time because I was unconsciously attempting to use religion to 'heal' myself and one day the priest shows the class a picture of Christ with cuts and wounds all over him and says that's what happens to Him when you sin.

I thought, well, if that happens to Jesus then I should punish myself for hurting Him.

It wasn't as simple as that but that's where the idea came from. My father was verbally and emotionally abusive at the time, he also used to hit himself sometimes. He actually punched himself in the face and started bleeding when he talked with me after I told my mother about my self-injury. It was just a lot of things but the connection of me being a person who could self-injure came from that religion class lesson.

Where can I submit writings that may be considered triggering? They are pretty deep.

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I have many writings, some of which may be triggering. Is there a safe forum to put these in? If not, I will not post them. But even though they are triggering, they are a part of me that I share, it's kind of self therapy in a way.

You can post your writing if you have an account through here (http://self-injury.net/node/add). All the options that start with 'Creativity'. It's separated into different sections. Poetry, short stories, random bits of prose, personal/recovery stories, and then one for essays/opinions/articles.

Triggering is fine as long as you're not actively trying to encourage others to self-injure or self-destruct and since this is, I assume, poetry or short fiction that shouldn't be a problem. Feel free to put a trigger warning if you think it's too triggering but it's not a requirement because it's pretty much a given that a lot of the work here will be triggering.

how do i upload my artwork?

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You should be able to through going to Create content -> Creativity - Artwork.

http://self-injury.net/node/add/creativity-artwork

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