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Question & Answer - Random

Does anyone live in a boarding house/with lots of people? And does it make you feel better being around all those people, or does it send you crazy?
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I live in a boarding house of 60 girls, and sometimes I find it really difficult to be around people 24/7, and was wondering if any of you feel the same.

I don't live in a boarding house. I've only dealt with living with a lot of people in hospital and I don't think that compares, though it was frustrating to have to share a room with other people and deal with them being there around the clock.

Maybe somebody else will see this and be able to answer from the perspective of somebody who's lived in board house type situation.

is it self injury if you slowly starve yourself?
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I have a tendency to slow down eating when I get sad.Is it self injury or just laziness, I don't know. I have suicidal ideation and low self esteem. 

 

 

I wouldn't call it self-injury but I think it could fall under the unbrella term self-harm if you're doing it for self-destructive reasons. However, changes in eating habits like that can often be caused by depression. Some people overeat when they're depressed and there are others who find themselves barely eating at all. If you notice this undereating when you're going through a period of sadness it's likely depression.

ever get into 2ble digit cutting for no apparent/ immediate reason?
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1st post - Today's just been one of those days, I'm a borderline type (bpd) but honestly nothing in particular seems to have set me off (I'm a little down and maybe it's partly from holding off until I had a chance to be alone) - anyway I'm probably at about 20+ cuts so far today, no swimming in my near future I suppose. Do other people have days like this, when you aren't really sure why you're doing it/ just kind of drifting away and cutting?

There are many self-injurers who cut without having an apparent reason/trigger at the time. It can get to be a habitual way of coping. I've heard self-injurers say they've cut when they're happy. Doesn't mean their self-injury is done for frivolous reasons but that that is their general way of coping with life or there is something they are gaining out of from self-injury apart from relieving negative emotions. There are so many reasons for self-injuring and not all tie in with depression or dissociation every single time.

How to help your self?
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I have mild bipolar , OCD , Paranoia Personality Disorder , ADD , Epilepsy (Absence seizures) and anxiety.

I have been self injuring for 3 years now and I'm dealing with bulimia.

I have been hospitalized for both , and it hasn't worked.

Nothing works , nothing makes me feel better besides my two comfortw (bulimia and self injury)

I'm not fond of counsellers or therapists ,

is there any way I would be able to stop both without any mental help?

(i'm not taking medacation for anything though , cause I always puke when I take pills)

 

You're going to find out that nothing is going to make you feel as good as self-injury or other self-destructive behaviors such as bulimia. Once you let go of this idea and get comfortable with the idea you're going to *be* uncomfortable then starts the difficult part. 

However, it's only the start. I personally have been unable to entirely let go of self-injury and it's been about twelve years aside from two where I quit aside from one instance. There are no guarantees.

I've found that people who have a support system fare better. Groups of friends who are stable enough to offer support.

Also, it's going to be doubly tough since you have mental health issues (the bipolar and OCD) that aren't going to be cured from a talk with a friend and are usually controlled through medication, which is not an option for you now it seems. Closing the avenue of therapy/counselling might be a bit premature. There's tons of downright awful therapists but there are a few diamonds in the rough. 

There are self-help books for self-injurers if you want to go down that route. The Scarred Soul by Tracy Alderman is one of them.

The issue with psychiatric issues is that there are no easy answers and none that fit every person.

Am I the "Other Woman"?
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So basically i met my first (and so far only) love last year and we was happily together for three months till i moved across the country. We still love each other but he has a girlfirend now whom he claims to love (atleast that's what he tells facebook) but he tells me that he could leave her in a heartbeat and he keeps her around cause it protects him from all the horrible girls that could try to after him, so my dumbass (sorry) told him to keep her, So i visited a few months ago and it was like she never existed and we did everything we used to do and so now i'm wondering... am i the "other woman"? or is she the "other woman"? is he cheating on me? or on her? idk.. i'm so confused..

Dealing with friends who injure themselves?
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Hi, I have a friend who I used to be very close to, and from time to time, she makes attempts to hurt herself.

Even though we're not as close as before, I'm still very worried about her. She doesn't injure herself, but she does indirectly. At school, we have plastic covers on our tables. she cuts the ends of the tables so that they are sharp and I even got scratched by those sharp edges. I then realised that she was actually hurting herself - indirectly. We wouldn't know that she was under emotional distress since she didn't directly hurt herself.

However, there was an occasion where she did hurt herself. I was really frustrated with her, I had no idea how to deal with her. She, however, misinterpreted my actions and thought I hated her. She proceeded to harm herself.

I really have no idea how to tell her to stop. I want to tell her that even if she harms herself, she can't solve her problems, but I cannot bring myself to do so, because if I did, she'd think I was insulting her directly.

You really can't tell her to stop because unless she wants to stop for herself it's likely not going to work. To stop she has to be ready to stop or she has to want to stop completely, not half-heartedly or because others want her to stop. The most you can do as a friend is let her know you're there to support her when she's feeling upset, that you're willing to listen without judgment. If you feel too frustrated or unequipped to do this then perhaps it's best to leave it to other friends because if you start telling her she has to stop and getting frustrated when she doesn't it's not likely to help.

If you feel she's a real danger to herself (suicide, severe permanent damage) then approaching an adult would be best but will most likely end the friendship. 

is anyone there?????
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Yes?

Raise Self-Esteem?
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Are there better ways that I can raise my really low self-esteem? I hate my body. To the extreme. The only way I get pride is when I restrict food. What other ways are more..productive?

You can do far more than restrict food. I'm certain of that. Restricting food isn't an art, it has no finesse, it does not move the world.

I know a lot of people find comfort in the creative pursuits. Music, art, writing. I just recently graduated university with a BA in Creative Writing. It had started as nothing more than catharsis when I was will and it eventually became a passion.

You need to find passion for something apart from self-destruction. If you do not wish to pursue the creative arts then perhaps helping others through volunteer work would be good. Engaging your mind in intellectual pursuits can be another thing, engaging in the world around you.

When your main passion is self-destruction it's hard to find something to feel good about. Finding the non-self-destructive things you're good at and cultivating them can make you feel good about yourself. You can only take so much pride in restricting because the world does not generally admire you for it or they're not moved by it or they don't learn from it or they don't receive help from it. It's a void.

Showing emotion
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I always have to be fake and happy. How can I tell people I am depressed or feel fat? (used to have anorexia)

I know a lot of people have hesitation with telling people about their issues with depression or eating disorders because they fear being labeled by those people who have very little understanding of mental health issues and gain most of it from depictions of high school in the media or jokes or equally ignorant peers. So if that is your fear tell those you trust, those who will do their best to try to understand instead of relying on tired stereotypes.

Perhaps you can start by writing a letter or e-mail if you want to test out the waters. Detail in this letter what you've been feeling and some of your history with feeling that way. If the other person has never dealt with mental health issues maybe include links to articles or books you feel are helpful and describe how depression or the aftereffects of an eating disorder are for you. You can also explain any fears you might have with telling the person about your problems, letting them know you're not used to other people knowing you struggle.

I wouldn't advise telling a great number of people like peers who aren't good friends or co-workers because they may not be worth your confidence and it may change the environment at school or work in a way that might make you uncomfortable.

Good friends and family are probably the best people to show your true self to. You might feel too unsure to show them a lot of what you feel but by building up a circle of support made up of people who you let into your confidence and who have shown themselves able to deal with your mental health issues you can at least let them know you aren't happy all the time, that there is more to you than the façade most people see.

Remember boundaries are good so that people don't get burned out, talk with them and ask them with what they're comfortable with. That might sound mean or counterproductive but it's important to keep it as comfortable as possible with the friends and family that know.

A support group (12-step or run by a therapist) might also be a good alternative if you have the means to get there and are too uncertain to lean on friends for help. Seeing a therapist or counselor might also be good because the decent ones (there are a few of those) will help you figure out a game plan on letting your friends and family know that you aren't as happy as your face might indicate. They also might help you figure out what to do if anything backfires and also see to it that you have support from them and a means of working on your issues with depression and your past eating disorder.